Author: Batman is exotic PM
Yep, I wish I was a vampire so that I could suck the blood of your fruit." "My boobs?" i asked. "No your Vagina."Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Humor - Words: 1,158 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 19 - Published: 01-22-10 - id: 2767018
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Prologue: You and Your Vag.
I was never good at finding dates of my own so as expected my sister went on the hunt for the perfect guy for her sister. I think it's completely absurd that she's so worried about my life then again it's her duty. I'm 25 but supposedly I can't find a man worth dating for shit. I'm not even going to contemplate the whole shit ordeal.
I guess my sister felt the need to break into my life after I started dating the guy with the poop fetish. His way of saying I love you was by setting a bag of poop on fire and then putting it on your door step.
Sigh, alas, it was my sister's idiotic idea to try Speed dating, I blame her. It was all her fault I came across Allen MCcarin. Although I can't really blame it on the speed dating it was just simply her matchmaking skills and her husband's many brothers.
"I wish I was a vampire." The guy said. His hair was slicked back and dry looking, plenty of stale white pieces of gel stuck out of his hair and his teeth were white and sharp. He wore red lipstick and it didn't do much to make his pale skin look any less stupid. He wasn't my type; in fact he was a complete weirdo. I smiled shyly.
"Um, really?" I asked playing surprised. It was quite obvious the guy had a vampire fetish especially with his vampire cape he wore. I shuddered at the idea of getting intimate with him at any point in my life.
"Yep, I wish I was a vampire so that I could suck the blood of your fruit." He hinted while raising his eyebrows suggestively. I felt like gagging, he had to be talking about my boobs, he just had to.
"My boobs?" I asked warily.
"No your vag." He commented I was so glad when the host said next. My sister was luckily the host. She gave me the thumbs up as an attractive brunette sat in front of him. He wasn't my type, his muscles were too big but other than that he seemed normal. Anything was better than vampire boy and his weird thoughts of quote on quote 'sucking the blood of my fruit'.
"Hi I'm Kane." The guy introduced himself. His husky voice seemed to match his size and looks. It always seemed weird when big guys had small girlie voices. It just didn't fit. I glanced at my sister who had her brunette hair pulled back into a ponytail and was watching me intently. I had to be nice, that much was obvious or else my sister would gouge my eyes out but that was a problem I needed a guy who could put up with my bitchiness. Fake niceness never worked.
"Hi Kane, I'm Angie." I introduced myself politely.
"Do you work-out?" He immediately jumped into conversation while pointing at his muscles. Obviously he wasn't use to girls looking past his gorgeous face and huge muscles but it definitely wasn't attractive when a guy was more interested in his too-huge muscles than you.
"No, I'm not into it." I mumbled blankly. I seriously got dressed up for that? Speed dating with a bunch of unattractive or too conceited weirdoes; it was a waste of my money. I bought an attractive tight fitting black dress and even went out my way to get my hair done. My usually straight hair was layered in attractive curls and didn't look boring in the least. My hazel eyes stood out due to the small amount of eyeliner I wore and my pink lips were nice, plush, and plump.
Kane seemed bored with me the minute he found I didn't mind working-out.
"I'm fit and attractive without going to the gym; I don't want to be buff and manly." I defended myself. I wasn't flabby or fat I was naturally petite like my mother, going to the gym would be a waste and would lead to me getting buff and manly like those women I see on T.V who play tennis or run track. Sorry Venus and Serena you can probably kick my ass but you two are majorly manly.
"You won't be buff just fit." Kane snorted. I was tired of the speed dating thing, already.
"So that was a good bunch, huh?" My sister asked as I slipped into her car. I snorted glumly.
"It was horrible. That buff guy basically called me fat and that vamp. Dude said he wanted to suck the blood from my vag.; it was seriously disturbing!" I whined. My sister hissed out almost painfully.
"That is definitely disturbing. Wait but kind of kinky. Does that mean he'd eat you out while you're on your period?" She asked interestedly. Disgusting, completely disgusting.
"I don't know! Don't ask me stuff like that!" I hollered. My sister waved her hands dismissively.
"I'm spending the night at your house and eating up all of your ice cream, you owe me!" I pouted like a baby. My sister groaned obviously irritated with me. I was whining which was something she hated, period.
"Come on Angie, Jacob's brother is coming tomorrow he needs that room." My sister argued. Jacob was her husband of four years. Their daughter Cicely is five, they met when we were all in high school. My sister is a year older than me but she never hid her boyfriend from me or, sadly, what they did together. Perhaps, I was immature because I heard too many mature things from my sis.
"So what, I was tortured because of your horrid matchmaking skills." I snapped at her.
"Well if you're lucky Jacob's brother is sexy and you can hook up with him." My sister said suggestively. I shook my head no. I met majority of Jacob's six brothers all except one. All of his brother's were major pervs and were older than me. The only one the same age as me had moved to Texas with his girlfriend.
"I'm not into stealing people's man." I argued.
"Didn't you know? He's moving in with us because he caught her cheating on him!" My sister cheered. I didn't answer. In fact I just turned the radio up and ignored my sister. Stupid fucking matchmaker.
A/N: Okay I've been playing with potential story ideas and this one just popped into my head while I was doing absolutely nothing but listening to music and reading. I had to hurry up and type this before the ideas left my head. Anyways, R&R if you want me to continue.