|My Immortal Commentary
Author: V.M.Stone PM
I know this is probably qualifies as a fanfic, but *shrug* c'est la vie. Basically, a few friends of mine and I have gotten into a contest to see who can get all the way through "My Immortal" and write a full commentary. Hope you enjoy, "prepz."Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 45 - Words: 47,229 - Reviews: 161 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 11-13-12 - Published: 04-22-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2799385
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
V sez: Sorry for the wait, old chaps, summer vacation has a bad effect on my already substantial slacking problem. But fear not *dramatic pause, reaches weakly out* I…I see a…a light…through the darkness…hurry, men, we must walk on. Apparently Chapter 40 is merely a repeat of Chapter 39, so onward we go. Chapter 41 of My Immortal. Have at thee!
AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S
V sez: Hey, that was almost British! *hugs Ebony* You're LEARNING! (E.V.A.) Wishful thinking, much? (V) Quiet, lady, I'm in my happy place. No spoilin'.
V sez: Get a lift? *sticks out thumb, truckers crash in attempt to be the first to stop and open their doors, stares at thumb, evil grin* Cool.
I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!!!!!!!!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz out.
V sez: *head in hands, gags* I will never be able to look at a projector again.
Im gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!!!111
V sez: (Tom Felton) *opens bunker hatch, hands spare rocket launcher to Buffy* Here you go. Now hurry it up, will you?
I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play drako.
V sez: "Nonsense! I am but fourteen!"
if u flame ill slit muh risztz!!!!!!!!11
V sez: *lifts silver lid off tray* Would you like a grindstone to go with that, m'lady?
raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.
V sez: *facepalm* Agents, I thought you'd taken care of this…
When I wook up
V sez: Aha! *pulls lightsaber out of closet* Here it is. Now to put it to good use. *dials phone* Hello, operator? Yes, get me Miss Valentine, please…
I wuz in a strange room. I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!!!!!11 I looked arund confusedly. It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent!! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!!!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band
V sez: Well, he is, doll, so that shouldn't be too difficult for me to imagine. But thanks for your concern, anyway; very sweet of you.
2 ok koz he is more old den panic?! at da dizcko or mcr)
der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander
V sez: At least Lennon got one good thing out of death: He was long gone by the time this monstrosity came into being. Dodged a bullet, there, Johnny. *pauses, thinking* Metaphorically speaking, of course. *hides behind fort as Beatles fans attack* I REGRET NOTHING!
with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. On it said '1980.'
V sez: Ugh, gothic 80's Beatles. George Orwell's got nothing on you, babe.
"OMFG!!! Im back in Tim again!!!!111"
V sez: (Shakespeare) *looking over at the beat-up Tim, speaks to bartender* Yeah, put his drinks on my tab. He looks like he could use a few.
I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!
V sez: Photo refresh? Like one of those things that keeps pop carbonated, only you put it on a photo and, what, you feel whatever emotion you had when it was taken? *turns to E.V.A.* Watson? I have a cunning plan…
). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson,
V sez: Tito, you need to start frequenting another unemployment office. Your current one seems to have it in for you.
blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy
V sez: Oh, God, an MI orgy. *dumps eight bottles of Tide into bleach drawer, sticks head in washing machine and turns it on* Need…to get…clean…
"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally.
"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. "OMG am I dedd???" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!!!!111
V sez: Yeah, we all saw that coming, too. Long before you did, I might add, albeit in less…*shudder* detail.
I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing.
V sez: *turns to Tim* Wait, so it's your fault she's still here? *takes flowers back* Bad boy. No sympathy for you.
I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine.
"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face.
V sez: *shiver* Another reason to stop smoking, kids: You never know what's in those things anymore…
"Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet.
V sez: (Buffy) Tarantino? (Tarantino) Yes? (Buffy) *opens arm rocket launcher* Gimme another round of those wooden shells. I see an assumption that needs putting down.
Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dad
V sez: Somebody doesn't get many fathers' day cards, hm?
I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da ballet
V sez: Yes, please tell us how. I know that's what I feel like doing at every one of those, might as well pick up a few survivor's tips.
was koz I was from da future. "WTF!!!! James almust shot Luciious!!!" I said indigoally.
V sez: (World Cup announcer's voice) He's kicked it-Buffon dives-He misses-and it's a GOAAAAAL! The Smurfs now lead Italy 3 to 1!
I knew that James had really ben possezzed,
V sez: Suddenly "Ben 10" seems a lot more sinister…
but I didn't want him2 know I knew.
"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly.
"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!!!!!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel
V sez: (E.V.A.) *restraining V* Calm down, Holmes! Pen before sword, pen before swo- (V) SCREW THE SWORD! LET ME WREAK MAH VENGEANCE, WUMMIN!
wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday and you cud see a blak tear on his face
V sez: Someone needs to get that boy to an optometrist.
lyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically.
"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.
V sez: Okay, THIS version I wouldn't mind seeing blown up.
!!!!!!!!!11" Sed Volximort. "He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.
V sez: (Sharon Osborne) *talking to owl on stage* And, uh, what exactly do you do? (Camera guy) *whispers in her ear* Ma'm, he's a My Immortal character. That may not be a safe question.
"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.
V sez: Bestiality is very hard to suppress, isn't it, Ebony?
"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!!)
"Bye." I sed all sexily.
"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreind
V sez: *facepalm, shuts HP7 with a sigh* JKR, what have you done?
but we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.
"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem??? dey kik azz!!!!).
"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!!!!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."
Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.
V sez: You can see the logic there.
"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" he shouted at him. "Drako is never gong
V sez: *raises metal gong over Ebony's head* I might get a bit of a hollow sound out of this one, but I'll risk it.
2 b frends with vampire now!!1"
"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!"
V sez: (Chris Hanson) Miss Way? I'm Chris Hanson from Dateline's "To Catch a Predator." We got a call from a Mr. Blade and a Ms. Valentine about you. Please take a seat.
Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.
"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad wood never die
V sez: Somehow that doesn't strike me as a good thing.
and "OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod.
V sez: Wait, so EVERYBODY is okay with this now? *waves Ipod in Steve Jobs' face* LOOK UPON YOUR WICKED SPAWN! LOOK AT IT! *glances at screen, blanches* Actually, I take that back, I wouldn't wish such a punishment on anybody.
said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily. We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.
"Oh my fukking god!!!! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock
V sez: (V) *going through Edgar Allen Poe's desk* Dammit, where'd that man put the nepenthe? I need a quaff-and-forget something terrible.
But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame………………Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!!!!111111111111
V sez: GASP! Oh noes! How will Ebony get out of this one, kidlets? Find out in………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..CHapTah FRTyy Too uf MAH IMRITAAALL!!!!!11111