How to Try and Impress Your Date (And Fail Spectacularly)

Home.

Or rather- the sorry substitute for it.

I find my parents in the new living room. They attempt to recreate how the old one looked, but I'm not fooled for a second. Even if it looked exactly the same, I wouldn't be convinced. There's a different smell to this place- different air. Anyway- watching the two of them rearrange the furniture makes me realize something. Moving- a very irritating task. You set up your living space to your definition of perfect, only to have to tear it down and have to rebuild it somewhere new. They have patience- which is more than I can say for myself most of the time. Maybe it's something you get better at as you grow older. Or maybe I got skipped over when someone was handing out the patience gene.

"Good things come to those who wait"- bullshit.

I don't wait for anything or anyone to come to me. I figure out what I want and I don't stop until I get it. That's the Alyx Oan way.

My parents have yet to notice me, so I wonder if I should interrupt their work or go straight to the new bedroom. I decide to avoid the inevitable conversation for now.

Before I make a clean escape, I hear my mother's voice. "How was school?"

So much for escape.

Should I tell her about the plan to get kicked out of school? Or that I changed my mind when I decided seducing some random girl seemed like a better idea? Or maybe how I spent my first two classes having "fun time" instead of learning about whatever the hell I'm supposed to be learning.

Nah- I'll keep those to myself.

"It was alright."

"Make any friends?"

I'm reminded of Aiden and can't prevent the smile from surfacing.

My mother turns away from her work just in time to see my face. She shows me her serious look. "Alyx-"

She knows my expressions so well.

"Relax- it's not like that."

Yet.

She doesn't look like she believes me.

I try to lighten the mood. "I haven't gotten kicked out yet."

My mother laughs and returns to her work. "That's what worries me."

I can't satisfy these people.

I decide to make my exit. "I'll be in my room."

I've barely stepped foot into my room when my phone goes off. At first I'm convinced it's my new friend and hopefully soon-to-be playmate. Bringing the object to where I can read the screen, I realize my guess is wrong. Instead, the call comes from another unbearably attractive girl. The smile becomes a Cheshire Cat grin. After the third ring, I finally answer.

"Hello."

"Hey, hon."

Sarah.

Flashback to kindergarten me running around during recess. Although I can't recall what it was that I tripped over, I do remember that I fell hard. After the shock passed, the pain set in. And, just when the tears were about to start, a hand reached out to help me up. I soon discovered the hand belonged to a pretty little girl with a comforting smile.

Ever since that day, Sarah's always been there for me when I needed help.

"You haven't forgot about me, have you?"

Impossible.

"I couldn't even if I wanted to."

She laughs. "So, what's it like in Middle of Nowhere, Oklahoma?"

If it were possible to be bored to tears, this place would probably do the trick. "Lame, but it has potential."

"The place or the people?" Sarah questions, well aware of my usual intentions.

Before our short-lived somewhat of a relationship and even after our decision to just be friends, Sarah has shared a deep interest in my crazy antics. Although the both of us began the trend of bathroom flings in our old school, she retired from the fun early. She did, however, find amusement in my stories about the cheerleaders and other supposedly straight girls following me to the girls' room to do the unmentionable.

She speaks again before I can get a word in. "What's she look like?"

She knows me too well.

How would I describe Aiden? "Like a good girl ready to go bad. She could pass off as a cheerleader, but doesn't like the popular crowd. She's quiet and seems kind of anti-social."

Not my typical target. I made it a rule to not mess with anyone weird, or that had the potential of becoming a psycho stalker.

But rules and I don't mix well.

"She sounds complicated."

No shit.

I'll just have to un-complicate things with my brilliant charm and excellent conversation skills. "I think I can handle it- besides, she's more of a consolation prize anyway."

By the change in her tone, I can tell Sarah's interest multiplied by at least ten times. "Is that so? Who's the grand prize?"

"I don't exactly know her name yet, but I can't wait to hear her screaming mine."

Sarah asks the question that's probably been on her mind since she called. "So, you'll be staying there the rest of senior year?"

I didn't really have much of a choice. If I get kicked out of this school, my parents will probably resort to more drastic tactics. As much as I enjoy my idea of fun activities, getting shipped off somewhere else- somewhere possibly worse than this place- doesn't seem worth it. Hide Alyx Oan away from the world and you're denying it a fun-filled and interesting experience.

That and I really want to get it on with that brunette.

"Yeah, I'll let my parents have their little isolationism phase."

"Phase? Are you sure they aren't running from the government?"

Not unless the government is interested in dissecting my brain. Then again, I'm sure someone in the big house wonders how the mind of a lesbian works.

Not sure if I'm fit to be an epitome of lesbianism.

The worst example- highly likely.

"If they are, they came to the right place."

A laugh. "So, what's the plan? Fool around with one and make the other jealous?"

I love how she can read my mind sometimes. "That's the plan."

"How's it going so far?"

Exactly how I hoped it would. "Well, I have a hot date tonight."

"Does she believe in kissing on the first?"

"She will after I'm through with her."

Sarah laughs. "You're so full of yourself, Alyx."

Hey, I can't help that I bring out the lesbian in usually straight, far from curious chicks.

It just happens.

Waiting for movie time to come turns into torture for me. I swear time's decided to drag on just to piss me off. Trying to ignore the ticking of the clock, I mess around online for a while. Facebook only stays interesting for so long though. After that I remember my last meeting with Luckie. Leaving my computer desk, I move over to my bed. Grabbing the backpack I had thrown there when I first came in, I search through it for the papers I was given. I look first to the page from the school's paper. Evangeline Mariott, opinion writer/managing editor, has two lengthy stories on the page. One's about teen pregnancy, which only grabs my attention because of a movie reference in the title. The other, a top ten list, seems more worth two minutes of my time. She wrote about the top ten reasons students procrastinate.

The main one I can think of isn't included on her list, but I'll admit it.

She is kind of witty.

Maybe she's not as bad as Casey.

After finishing with the article, I look at the interview questions. I almost have to squint to read the handwriting on the lined paper. Evangeline Mariott likes to preserve the environment, or that's how it seems with the way she tries to fit every word on the same line. Thankful for my perfect vision, I read the questions.

What's my name, where do I come from, what's my favorite color.

Okay- not that last one, but it seems like it should be in there somewhere, too.

Looking over the questions a few more times, I try to see how simple facts about me will transform into an amazing article.

Bored with that, a great idea pops into my head.

How about I make my date dinner and a movie?

Why didn't I think of that before?

Eagerly, I call Aiden, listening with anticipation as the line rings on the other end.

She answers. "Hello?"

"Hey." I'm sure I had something brilliant to say, but my mind's completely firing blanks.

After a moment or two of silence, she speaks again. "You called for a reason..?"

Oh yeah, I called her. "Do you want to grab some something to eat before the movie starts?"

I know what I'm craving- although you wouldn't be able to find it on any menu.

"Sure."

"You have anywhere in mind?"

I like her answer. "No."

Jackpot.

I decide to meet Aiden at the one place I figure everyone likes.

Taco Bell- my personal favorite as well.

I walk into the place, slightly relieved to see it isn't too busy. The last thing I want is a distraction. Avoiding the gaze of the cashier, I move to the back of the place and sit in one of the booths. My stomach growls for delicious, high-calorie foods, but I try to wait patiently for my date to arrive. A few minutes pass before I see her enter. Even though I'm completely across the building from her, I can see her face scrunch up with distaste.

Maybe this isn't the best dinner choice.

Aiden looks around, obviously trying to find me. When she can't locate me, a frown emerges on her face. I wave at her to make my presence known. Seeing me, she smiles and walks over to the booth.

I pretend I'm surprised to see her. "You came."

She's just as surprised. "Why wouldn't I?"

Because sometimes it seems like you aren't a fan of people. I give her a different answer. "You thought I was a brainwashed drone trying to humiliate you?'"

She doesn't answer.

My second guess was better than my first.

"I'm glad you came." I assure her before standing up. When we're eye-to-eye, I ask a question. "So, what are you going to get?"

Besides the Alyx Oan midnight special.

"I don't know."

"Well, what do you usually get?"

She's overcome by silence yet again. Now it makes sense- the reason she made a strange face when she walked in. "You've never been here, have you?" I say it, but it's obvious I don't believe it.

Her answer confirms my theory. "Never."

Who is this girl and what planet is she from?

I laugh, hoping this is another one of her jokes. "You can't be serious."

She sounds serious. "I am."

No way. "What about McDonald's?"

"Once."

She's fucking with me. "In your life?"

She nods.

"By choice?"

Aiden looks annoyed by my unwavering interest, but continues to answer my questions. "My mother refuses to let me eat fast food. Obesity won't be a lifestyle lived in her house."

Obesity should be a sin. Or illegal at least. "Well, I agree with her there."

She groans.

I elaborate, trying to save myself from ending up on her shit list. "But only the second part. There's nothing wrong with a little fast food every now and then. What else has she hid you away from?"

She shrugs. "I don't know."

I'm afraid to hear the answer to the next question. "You have television and internet, right?"

"Yeah."

After she replies, she gets quiet again. She looks like she's thinking about something.

When she frowns, I try to pull her back to reality. "And we've lost contact..."

She snaps out of her trance. "Sorry."

Not as sorry as I am for thinking this would be easy.

"Let's go order." I suggest.

Ordering turns into another obstacle. I watch Aiden read the menu at least five times before offering to pick something the two of us can share.

I guess her childlike knowledge of the world could be considered cute, but it's testing my patience. Patience I don't have a lot of to begin with. I do, however, enjoy how she almost always has no problem with following my suggestions. Submissive girls aren't usually my thing, but I can't say I mind the way she obeys my every request.

Starting a new life is all about trying new stuff, right? Well, I'm not exactly starting a new life- but I'll pretend for situation's sake.

We agree on getting some nachos.

Everybody likes nachos, right?

We go back to the booth and I start eating my share of the meal- just like any normal person would do. Aiden, on the other hand, stares at her food as if it's about to jump out and attack her. Slowly she reaches out and picks up a chip. A part of me wants to force feed her by the handful, but I know that'll ruin any chance I have at seducing her. So I watch her as she takes her first bite. She makes another terrible face. I want to laugh, but not at her. More at the situation. I stop myself- knowing it won't help her ego any if I did.

Any other girl would have enjoyed this meal. Any other girl would have known whether she wanted tacos or burritos. Any other girl would have already fallen for my charms.

But Aiden's not like any other girl.

She knows it and I'm starting to become completely convinced of the fact.

Silence dominates our meal time. Even when she's not eating, Aiden says nothing. She doesn't seem like the talkative type. While she finds comfort in not saying anything, I'm tormented by the lack of conversation. I have to say something.

I ask another question, half expecting her to answer. "So, have you always lived here?"

She shakes her head. "No."

I take that as permission to continue. "Well, what brought you here?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Which only makes me more curious. "Oh- crazy childhood?" She glares at me and I get the message. "Okay, fine. I'll tell you about me then."

So I tell her about the greatness known as Alyx Oan.

Well, the clean version of the story.

"I moved here from San Antonio, Texas. I've never lived outside of a big city, so this is quite a new experience for me." Not one I'm entirely enjoying, but I'll leave that part out. "My parents wanted a change of scenery and they knew a friend who had lived here. I wasn't entirely thrilled, but I'll try pretty much anything once."

The last part's honest.

Aiden actually shares something about herself without me trying to force it out of her. "I've never lived in a big city."

That's progress, right?

"It's interesting- there's lots of different kinds of people."

Like girls who can name ten different fast food chains.

"Not like here." She states the obvious.

I try to ask about her again. "So, got any hobbies?"

She takes a minute to think about it.

She does know what a hobby is, right?

Finally, she replies. "I like listening to music, and singing when no one else is around. And I write poetry sometimes."

Tell me why it doesn't surprise me that she writes poetry. "Poetry?" I fake interest. "You any good?"

She shrugs. "I haven't done it in a while."

Cue the disappointment. "Why not?"

"I don't know." But it sounds like she knows exactly why.

I don't push for the truth.

Playing with my straw, I talk about myself again. "I also enjoy singing in the privacy of my home. I, however, lack any sort of literary talents. Best left to the professionals." Remembering about the movie, I look at my phone for the time.

Time to go. "Movie time."

The movie theater, much like the city park, lacks the potential of being called impressive. The size of the building looks like the size of a single IMAX theater. Okay, maybe I'm over-exaggerating a little there. Still, I find it hard to believe they can fit seven movies in there at once. Seeing all the younger kids hanging out by the building, I wonder how they all fit in there, too. Maybe it's like a clown car- where twenty people somehow all manage to fit into a small space.

I'm out of my car and about to close my door when I notice Aiden's still inside. She looks at the crowd with horror. I realize now why she's anti-social. She doesn't hate people.

She's scared of them.

I try to help her out. "Just breathe."

Okay- more like stating the obvious.

She nods, but her expression doesn't change.

It's going to be a long night.

When we finally get into the theater, I look at our selection.

I don't like scary movies, so that rules out two of the seven. Three were movies I had already seen and had no intention of watching again. That left drama and romantic comedy.

I personally prefer a good laugh. I leave Aiden to her thoughts and buy the tickets. After, I return to her side. "I've got the tickets." I hold hers out to her.

She takes it and follows my lead to the theater. Again, she makes that ugly face.

Three strikes, but hopefully I'm not out just yet.

"Not your kind of movie?"

She looks ready to make a comment, but settles with- "I'll survive."

I try to make up for my mistake. "Since I made a terrible choice, you can pick next time."

Aiden doesn't look like she objects the idea.

Walking into the theater, I quickly notice the lack of people. I remember Aiden's behavior earlier and smile to myself.

Now to play it off like I had planned this the whole time. "The good part about bad movies is that no one goes to them." I smile at her. "You seem like you don't want to be around a lot of people right now."

She believes me, beaming at my supposed consideration. "Thanks."

"No problem."

Jackpot.

The movie turns out to be a lot less funny than I had expected. Watching it, I regret my choice. A part of me is even willing to watch a scary movie rather than sit through the rest of this one. I look over to Aiden, ready to make some smart ass remark about the movie, but she's not even paying attention.

She's asleep.

I pay for her ticket and this is how she repays me?

I'm aware the movie's not that great, but still.

I consider waking her up but the movie's already lost my interest. Instead, I look at the pretty much unconscious blonde sitting next to me. She's a lot cuter when she's not making funny faces or about to have a freak out. I could see myself waking up next to this one tomorrow morning.

I wonder if she'll mind an unexpected wake-up call.

I let my hand wander from the arm rest between us to her leg. When my hand touches her, she suddenly jerks in her seat. I pull my hand away.

Not the reaction I hoped for.

She says something, but I can't understand her.

I let her know she has my attention. "Hm?"

No response. She's still asleep.

She's mumbling in her sleep.

I lean over to try and hear what she's saying, but it all just sounds like moans.

And not the good kind.

I wonder if trying to wake her would make it better or worse. I decide to leave her alone and try to survive through the rest of the movie.

When the credits roll, I have no choice but to wake her up. I speak to her, a little louder than usual. Hopefully she's a light sleeper. "Wake up, sleepy-head."

She does.

So I wanted and so it became.

Now, I could really go for a pretty blonde head between my thighs.

Nope?

Well, it was worth a shot.

She looks from me to the screen, still disoriented.

"The movie's over." I announce.

"Was it any good?"

I can't hide my disappointment. "It was decent. I wouldn't pay money to see it again."

She says nothing, but it's apparent she has her own personal opinion about the movie.

I get bored of sitting around. "Let's go." I stand up and hold out my hand to her.

Aiden reaches out to grab it. Before our hands touch, she pulls away and nearly jumps out of her chair. Avoiding eye contact with me, she heads for the exit.

Okay, am I supposed to pretend like that didn't happen?

It's not until I'm driving her home that the curiosity gets the best of me. Something in the back of my mind tells me not to ask, but I ignore it. I stop my car at a red light and look over to her. At the same time, she turns her head to return my stare. We only stay like that for a moment before she looks away. Even in the dark, I can see her face flush.

She totally wants me.

I finally speak the question on my mind. "Am I allowed to ask about your odd behavior?"

Her response doesn't surprise me. "I don't want to talk about it."

Of course not.

"You really aren't like normal girls." Probably not the nicest thing to say.

"Sorry."

Not as sorry as I am for asking.

The silence wins again.

In her driveway, I say what I should have five minutes before. "I didn't mean it in a bad way." I look at her, trying to sound reassuring. "Who really wants to be normal?"

I sure as hell don't.

Aiden says nothing. She doesn't seem like she's planning on inviting me in.

I take the hint. I get a good look at her house, just in case I get the opportunity to come here again. "I guess this is goodbye."

She lingers. "Do you like it here?"

I decide to be honest with her. "No." Then I try my hand at being charming again. "But I'm finding reasons to stay."

She's once again oblivious to my attempts at flirting. "Why?"

It's like talking to a wall. "Because running back home is the easy thing to do."

And I desperately want in your pants.

She doesn't believe me.

"Sorry."

She's confused. "Sorry?"

"That you're still convinced everything I say is complete bullshit."

Although a lot of it is, but you don't know that.

Aiden opens the door to get out and our conversation dies there. She stands outside for a moment, then looks back in at me. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Didn't expect that- maybe this night wasn't a complete failure.

I take a minute to think of what to say. "Unpacking and shopping with my parents, but I'll let you know if I find some free time."

I'm not exactly lying- I am supposed to be doing those things. Now, if I actually do them- that's another story.

I smile at her. "Good night."

A part of me still hopes she'll tell me to stay.

She shuts the door, not even saying goodbye.

Epic fail.

Better luck next time, Alyx.