|My Name is God
Author: Oshini PM
About a guy named God and his "dirty little secret." And, no, he's not ACTUALLY God. That's just his name. He moves to a new place, a cow he almost ran over moves into the back yard, and he meets the hot new neighbor-boy, Kimbley. Oh, the fun he will haveRated: Fiction M - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 17 - Words: 59,966 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 54 - Updated: 10-03-11 - Published: 05-20-10 - id: 2809187
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Meh, just did a little editing. Nothing big, and nothing that really messes with the plot.
I am 17 years old.
Short for my age.
Brown hair, brown eyes.
You know, pretty average.
Oh, and my name is God.
Haha, now, I know what you're thinking. God? You mean, like, the guy up in the sky, God? The guy who created the Earth, and made Adam and Eve?
Or maybe you think I'm a psycho who lost his mind and thinks he's an immortal being.
But, alas, you are wrong. I am just a normal human being, with an unfortunate name. You see, my mother was an avid atheist. She was tired of people telling her to "find God," or "have faith in God," so, to spite them, she named me God. So now, whenever those guys who go door-to-door to spread the word of the Lord come to our house and tell her, "God is watching," She goes, "I know. He's in the living room watching Fear Factor."
Oh boy, do their faces turn red. My mom absolutely loves it. She also likes it when people say "Dear, God!" because then it gives her the chance to say, "Yes, he is a dear, isn't he," and when someone says, "Oh, my God!" she replies with, "No, he's MINE!" Let's just say, it's cause for a lot of confusion.
And school... Well, school is a whole different problem.
Most of the students avoid me. But there are some who intentionally seek me out, just so they can have the opportunity to say to other people, "Oh yeah, I met God. He's a pretty cool guy."
I don't really have any friends. Which is kind of pathetic, I know. I just don't really socialize well.
But, my mom has finally done something right, for once. You see, thanks to a promotion she got at her job, we are MOVING! Most kids hate moving, but I never saw what was so bad about it. I mean, it is literally a fresh start! You could be the biggest screw up in your school, then move to a new place and a new school, and become the most popular kid there! Okay, maybe those aspirations are a little high, but you could move up in the social ladder a rung of two, at least.
And, well, I'm not really leaving anything important behind. I have no friends, and no ties to our town. And I heard we're moving to a bigger city. Yay, anonymity!
Anyway, so, here we are, just driving down the road, heading to our new house.
"So, honey, when do you want to start school?" my mom asks from the passenger's seat. Yes, I am driving. My mom hates to drive, so I have to drive whenever we take the car.
Even though me mom has a twisted sense of humor (as my naming suggests), I still love her. She's very laid-back, and pretty cool, you know, for a mom. She let's me have a lot of independence, and let's me do anything I want, as long as I don't kill anyone or do anything (too) illegal. She doesn't punish me harshly, but she has this look she does when she's really disappointed in me that makes me feel like shit...No, like less than shit. She looks at me like I'm the biggest disappointment in the world. Let's just say, I try my best to not to get that look.
"Uh, today is...Sunday, right? Yeah. Sooo...I'll probably go tomorrow. The movers will arrive Wednesday, but I've got a box with pencils and crap in the back seat I can take to school, so I won't need to wait for the movers."
"Oh, okay. Oh. Oh! Turn left here! Right there!" my mother suddenly yelled, pointing wildly. I screeched onto a side street, narrowly missing a cow standing in the road.
I quickly looked back, slowing the car down.
There was a cow.
In the middle of the road.
In a suburban neighborhood.
WHAT THE FUCK?
"STOP THE CAR!"
I jumped at the loud screech, slamming on the brakes. My mom opened the door and jumped out, running up to the cow.
"Mom! What the hell are you doing," I hissed, alarmed. Putting the car in park, I jumped out after her and cautiously walked up to her side. She was at the cow's head, putting it on it's...muzzle? Nose? Whatever.
"Isn't it just the cutest thing?" she gushed, wrapping her arms around it's neck and hugging it.
"Yes, now, let go," I said, grabbing her arm and attempting to pry her off. She kicked her leg back and I barely dodged getting kicked in the nuts. "MOM!"
"Let's keep it!" she begged.
"Yes, let's just stick it in the trunk and drive it home. And then, we'll keep it in the living room, right next to the giraffe. I'm sure he's getting lonely by now," I replied sarcastically, waving my arms in the air. The cow let out a panicked moo, and I took a cautious step back. I heard those things eat clothes.
Or was that goats?
"No need to be jealous, Goddie," my mom whined.
I scoffed, crossing my arms. "Yes, I'm jealous of a cow."
"Well, what else can we do with it? We can't just leave it here. What if it gets hit by a car or something? Huh? What then?"
"The cow would probably win," I muttered under my breath.
"What was that?" she asked threateningly. I forgot my mom has sharp ears.
"Uh, we got any rope?" After much digging and cursing, I found some rope in the trunk and made a crude collar and leash and attempted to put it on the cow. It kept shying away from me, and I had to calmly sooth the damn thing, telling it I wasn't going to eat it, before it let me anywhere near it's throat. Even then, it was still jumpy. "Okay, mom. Lead the way."
"You drive the car. I don't know the way to our house, so I'll have to follow you."
She pouted, but did as she was told. She slowly drove along the side of the road while I lead the cow. Thankfully it seemed to have calmed down and followed only slightly unwillingly. And it was a good thing we were on a back road on a residential street with no traffic nearby, and no one was outside.
I just hoped no one looked out their windows.
We soon reached a nice two story house, and my mom pulled into the driveway, turning the car off and jumping out of it.
"Well, we're here! This is our new home," my mom said, gesturing grandly.
"Hey, it's pretty nice," I said, and my mom gave my a blinding smile. Even though she didn't say anything, I knew she was worried about me adjusting to a new home and stuff.
The house was near the end of the street, two stories tall, was white with green trimming, had a dark wooden deck, and a heavy-looking door made of what looked like oak. There was a small balcony on the upper floor, and a decent sized front lawn, with the back and side yards fenced in, and an attached garage. Overall, it was a lot better than our previous house.
"Well, why don't you name the cow, Goddie?" my mom suddenly asked. I swear, she has A.D.D. sometimes.
"Give the cow a name! We can't just call him 'the cow' all the time," my mom said, exasperated.
"Fine," I sighed, thinking.
Sooo...A name for a cow. Well, when you think of cows, you think of farms. And where there's farms, there's horses. So, with that infallible logic, I dubbed the cow, "Horse."
"Horse," my mom said flatly.
"A cow named Horse."
"...Alright!" she replied chirpily. She then ran up and grabbed Horse's leash-thingy and led him around the side of the house to a gate in the fence. Opening the gate, she led him to the back with me trailing behind.
The backyard was pretty big, considering the house being in a residential neighborhood. Although, the house was right on the edge of a forest, so that might have something to do with it. Anyway, there was a bunch of tree branches from the trees behind our house hanging over the fence, and the air smelled like pine. And when I walked further into the yard, I nearly shrieked with joy.
"POOOOOOOOL!" I screamed, running towards it. I stood on the edge, looking into it's clear depths. It was pretty big, and went from about 2 1/2 feet deep on one side, to perfect diving depth on the other side. It even had a diving board!
I stood on the edge and bounced up and down on my toes, excited. I had never had my own built in pool before. I was about to turn around and express my undying love to my mom, when I felt something shove me in the back. With a gigantic splash, I fell into the cool water.
Spluttering and thrashing, I made my way back up to the surface.
"What was that for?" I yelled at my mom after hacking and coughing my lungs, a kidney, and an eyeball up. Okay, I didn't really cough that stuff out, but it sure felt like it!
"Well, you looked like you wanted to go in it so badly, so I just gave you a little push," my mom said, giggling.
I couldn't really stay that mad at her for very long, though. The water just felt sooo good. I sighed, then laid back and floated on my back. "If I catch a cold, it's your fault," I said lazily, lightly splashing the water at her.
But I decided it was not a good idea to take my feet off the bottom of the pool when I began to sink, the weight of my wet clothes dragging me down.
I quickly shed all my clothes but my Spongebob underwear, unashamed at my nakedness. I swam around while my mom tied Horse's leash around the back deck's railing and began talking to him and pulling up clumps of grass near the fence that had gotten too long, feeding him.
I felt a little sorry for my mom. I knew she wouldn't be able to keep the cow. It was only a matter of time before someone discovers it and takes it away. I silently made a vow to get my mom a pet. Maybe a gerbil. Or, better yet, a puppy. Everybody loves puppies. A puppy would probably be the only thing able to keep up with my mom. And the only thing able to stand me.
No, I'm not one of those people who hates dogs. It's just, most animals have a hard time being around me.
I was distracted from thinking of what dog to get when I heard suddenly heard a shriek. Instinct kicked in, and I sat up quickly, looking towards my mom, automatically checking to see if she was in danger. Seeing she was fine, I focused on finding the source of the shriek, and soon saw the middle aged woman who it had originated from.
She was staring with a mix between terror and confusion at the cow standing right in front of her. Judging her harmless, I relaxed slightly, not totally letting my guard down, though. Noticing someone behind her, I stood all the way up in the pool and took a closer look.
Behind her was a boy about my age, wearing one of those knit caps with ear flaps over long, silky dark blonde hair, a shirt with a band insignia, and purple skinny jeans. He was pretty tall and skinny, and had a nose that looked like it had been broken once. But that sure didn't take away from his handsomely good looks.
He seemed calm, considering he was right next to the cow. He noticed me in the pool and, along with a crooked grin, gave me a little finger wave. I smiled back, then hopped out of the pool and walked over to stand next to my mom, shaking my head like a dog to get water out of my hair. She gave me a small glare, and I just gave her a goofy grin.
I noticed the new guy's eyes looking down at my awesome underwear, and couldn't help but striking a little pose.
"Um," the lady said, edging around Horse and coming farther into the yard, "I-I'm Alice Mitchel. You must be the new neighbors. We live right across the road." She stuck out her hand and my mom shook it.
"I'm Jenny McCarthur," my mom said cheerfully. "And this is my son, -" Before she could utter my name, I quickly cut in, grabbing and shaking Alice's offered hand.
"Jack. I'm her son, Jack," I said quickly, telling her my middle name. I ignore my mom's look of hurt and shook the guy's hand, little tingles racing up my arms at his touch.
"Hi, Jack. I'm Kimbley. Nice to meet you," he said, staring deep into my eyes and holding onto my hand for a little too long. Not that I minded.
He had beautiful steely ice-blue eyes that I could stare into for hours.
When we finally broke apart, I stood there a little dazed as my mom and Alice began to talk.
"So, uh," Kimbley suddenly said, breaking me out of my daze, "What's with the cow?"
I looked at Horse, then my mom, and back to Kimbley.
"Dinner," I said seriously, nodding my head gravely. "Hamburgers."
At Kimbley's look of horror, I felt my lips twitch, then burst out laughing, grabbing my stomach in pain. He gave me a mock punch on my shoulder, and turned his back on me, cautiously walking up to pet Horse on the head.
Once I had control of myself, I took a couple deep breaths, then walked up to stand next to Kimbley. Horse snorted when he sensed me, but otherwise he behaved.
"So, what's his name?" Kimbley asked.
Kimbley's eyes slid over to look at me. He raised his eyebrow and gave me a dubious look.
"No, really, his name is Horse," I defended. He gave a small nod, then continued petting the cow's head. I stood there, surreptitiously watching Kimbley's lithe muscles in his arms and upper back flexing under his shirt.
"G-Jack," I heard my mom suddenly call. Jerking my eyes up, I blushed, hoping I hadn't been caught staring.
"Go unload the car, will you? You don't want to wait till it gets too dark," she ordered, then went back to talking to Alice.
I sighed, but obeyed, grabbing my pants from next to the pool and pulling them on, not bothering to button or zip them up. I quickly went out to the car, with Kimbley following right behind me, and started unloading everything onto the lawn. Once the car was empty, Kimbley and I grabed as much as we could carry and walked up to the front door.
I took a deep breath. Truthfully, I was a little nervous. This was the house I would be living in. This is the house I would be calling home. Using the house key my mom had handed to me, I unlocked the door and stepped in.
It was beautiful. There was a staircase leading up to the second floor, a large kitchen, a huge living room, a door to the garage, and glass doors leading out to the back yard. And the first floor was all hardwood floors. Oh, I love hardwood floors. I dumped everything on the living room floor, and headed upstairs.
There were three bedrooms upstairs, what looked like a game room, and two bathrooms. The floor was a squishy, soft carpet, and I resisted the urge to lay on it and roll around.
Okay, okay. So, maybe I don't have as great control as I wished.
I dropped my backpack that I was still carrying on the floor then dropped to the ground. I rolled around, relishing the feeling of the plush floor. And if anyone ever says I was moaning rather suggestively, I will deny their claims.
I laid on my back with my eyes clothes, panting. I was about to pull my pants back up since they had fallen down a bit during my little roll-fest, when something heavy dropped down on me. Jerking my eyes open, I stopped breathing when I saw Kimbley's face barely an inch from mine.
Oops, I had forgotten about him.
"Wh-what are you doing?" I asked breathlessly. Oh, boy, I could feel every inch of him pressed up against me. Holy crap, get off me! I screamed in my mind. too close, too close, too close! Danger, Spartacus, danger! We have danger, Scotty! Pull back, pull back!
But my body had a mind of it's own. Instead of shoving him away, my hands migrated towards his hips and latched on, my head all a-flutter. I couldn't figure out why I wasn't pushing him away, but, at the moment, I really didn't care. Mmm, he smells good!
His lips were just a few centimeters away. If he just leaned forward just a tiny bit...
"Well, you looked like you were having so much fun, so I wanted to join you," Kimbley said right in my ear, his warm breath making me shiver as he answered my earlier question.
"M-m-yeah," was my intelligent reply. I think I just lost a few brain cells from holding my breath for so long.
I whimpered when one of his wandering hands brushed against my nipple. I wasn't sure if I was glad I wasn't wearing a shirt, or if I regretted not putting it on. It was both thrilling and scary to be so exposed. But, oh, so pleasurable.
We both jumped at the loud yells, the spell suddenly broken. Kimbley gave me a simmering look, and a quick peck on the cheek. NO! I want MORE! I blinked as the thought, then made a horrified face and shouted back, NO! Bad! No more! You don't even know this guy!
Not seeing my horrified look, Kimbley quickly got up and straightened his shirt, then walked downstairs. I gulped, and attempted to calm myself. Dear Lord, what the hell just happened? Looking down at the front of my pants, I let out a relieved sigh. No tent.
I went down the stairs not long after Kimbley, and saw my mom and Alice standing in the kitchen chatting. I cleared my throat when Kimbley smirked at me.
Oh, he's a wicked one. I'll have to get him back later. Something involving ice cream. And feathers. And maybe superglue.
The two women finally noticed us and suddenly looked at Kimbley, then me, then back to Kimbley, then each other, and promptly burst out laughing. What the hell? I looked at Kimbley, and noticed the front of his jeans had a big wet mark.
That's when it hit me. My pants were still wet. Now Kimbley's pants where wet, but only on the front. They could have only gotten that way if we were pressed up really close. Catching my reflection in a nearby glass surface, I saw that I was still flushed, and had a but of a dazed look on my face.
Covering my burning face with my hands, I groaned. Peeking out from one of my hands, I glared at Kimbley. This is all your fault, I silently mouthed.
My mom was never going to let me live this down. Thankfully, she already knew my big secrets, so she wasn't surprised by me making out with other guys. Sigh. If only it had gotten that far...
Anyway, if you haven't already realized it, one of my big secrets is that I'm gay.
I've known ever since I hit puberty. While all the other guys around my school had been interested in girls, boobs, and football, I had been interested in drama, reading, drawing, and checking out the guys on the football team. But once I realized my sexuality, I wasn't really bothered by it, thanks to my mom. She supported me through it all. That's why I love her so much.
Oh, yeah, and before I forget. I should probably mention my most deepest, darkest secret;
I'm a werewolf. Well, half werewolf, anyway.