When thinking back to Christmas (18 months ago), I grieve

At how my former girlfriend chose to spend her Christmas Eve

At her ex-husband's parents' place, instead of at my side;

But earlier that month I'd faced the truths of her, and cried.

I'd love to lay a mattress down beside the Christmas tree,

And spend the night upon it with my future wife-to-be;

Not breaking rules of "wait for marriage", merely sharing hugs,

With Christmas lights to dazzle, as we rest beneath some rugs.

If she has children, they'll be tucked in bed, since Evening Mass

Has given way to thoughts inspired from shows by Rankin-Bass.

The loneliness (felt most at Christmas) would then be replaced,

By catching those elusive dreams, which I've so often chased.

Perhaps Verse 1 was better left alone, lest it might bring

This whole thing down. Yet emptiness gives rise to everything,

Which I could then imagine might be what would fill the gap;

Like children (making Christmas wishes) there on Santa's lap.

My love and I (for my first time) would wake, and wake up hers,

To open presents altogether. Nothing else deters

From this delight. The office won't need us at all that day.

The only person working would commute by midnight sleigh.

It's just a healing vision, maybe not the real blueprint

For some enchanted Christmas Eve. To me it's just a hint

Of that which lies ahead. Perhaps instead I'd be gift wrapped,

And opened by my heart's desire, not feeling lost or trapped.

Though Christmas comes in summer here, I'm sure we'd see the snow

In our minds' eyes, constructing realms of deer and Eskimo.

We'd think of baby Jesus born: life's movie's opening act;

With Easter as the scene when God's forgiveness gets unpacked.

I'd smile through Christmas dinner, as the turkey leaves the bone,

Rejoicing in the fact that I no longer dine alone.

We'd holiday together. After months of dates were staged,

I'd also think of jewellery stores; and then we'd get engaged.