|The Scribblings of a Retard
Author: Megsi PM
."That's not a novel. That's the scribblings of a retard." Pretty much all this is... Just inane conversations, dreams and drunk moments that inspire me to write.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,376 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 08-18-10 - Published: 06-05-10 - id: 2814433
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Ok, this is basically random dreams and conversations of mine that aren't really all that interesting or important but which inspire me to write stories. (Many of which I will be posting much later... I am terrible at posting post-by-post so I'll have to pre-write from now on otherwise I get stressed, lol)
They are definitely not in order... Just what I happen to remember :) But I will try to categorise them...
*I've changed all the names :)
I'm talking to James when I look down at his student workbook to see if he did the homework that I didn't do and I happen to see his drawings of coleoptiles. Except the more I looked at them the more I noticed that they looked less like coleoptiles and more like penises! When I realised this I tried to think 'happy thoughts' but I kept seeing penises everywhere and I was really starting to freak so I looked at the caterpillar drawn on the board and I was mentally coaching myself; trying to tell myself how good it looked when I noticed that it had a penis. After a good ten minutes of freaking out and penis-seeing I turned to James and pointed an accusing finger at him.
Me: "You made me see penises everywhere!"
James: (Laughing) "How?"
Me: "Your drawings!"
James: (Looking at his pictures) "How?"
Me: "I don't know! But I was seeing them everywhere! See, that caterpillar has one!"
James: (Looking at the caterpillar) "Where?"
Me: "Um, I don't know. But it's there! I swear!"
James: (Laughing and shaking his head) "You have a dirty mind..."
Me: (Pouting) "Shut up..."
*Coleoptiles are some weird things in Bio... don't ask me, I never pay attention!
I'm being my usual productive self in class(Biting my split-ends) when my teacher realises that I'm not paying attention to the test that she is correcting that, incidentally, I did really bad on.
Teacher: (Talking directly to me) "Do you get it? Do you get what I'm saying?"
She's getting really angry at this stage. I just nod dumbly.
Teacher: (Glaring) "NO! No, you don't!"
I shake my head.
Teacher: "So when you're going down on someone..."
Playing scategories... The topic is states of America
Me: "I don't know any states..."
Teacher: "Sure you do. How about one starting with C..."
Me: "I don't know... Canada?"
Talking one Methods lesson...
Amelia: "This one time in band camp..." (Quoting American Pie)
Jane: "Band Camp? You went to band camp? But I didn't even know you played an instrument!"
Jane: "What? I didn't even say anything funny!"
During my Study:
Me: "Man my uniform is annoying the hell out of me! May, do you want to start a nudist colony at this school?"
May: "... You'd like that wouldn't you?"
Me: "Well, no. But at least my uniform wouldn't annoy me anymore."
Me: "Have you guys ever been driving when you just, I don't know... Kind of forget that you are?"
Rochelle: "You mean that you forget that you're driving?"
Rochelle: "No offence Liz... But I am never getting in a car with you!"
I'm sitting with my friends May and Kate and they're blasting songs on Kate's iPod and singing along. Everyone is looking at us and I'm trying to get them to stop by not participating.
Kate: (Singing) "Just a city boy. Born and raised in-"
Me: "Say, my nails are getting really uneven. Don't you think?"
May: (Singing) "Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world."
Me: (Picking desperately at my nails) "Yeah, I broke one at work the other day. It's was horrible... Annoyed the shit out of me, it did."
Kate: "Don't stop believing!"
May: "Hold onto that feeling!"
Me: "DOES ANYONE HAVE A NAIL FILE?"
Me: "Stupid bloody neck! Why don't you just go die?!?"
Frank: "You tell that neck!"
Mum and I are driving.
Me: (Rambling on about nothing in particular)
Mum: (Listening, before looking around) "Wait. Where are we going?"
Me: "I don't know. You're the one driving!"
Mum: "Oh... I've forgotten. You were talking too much!"
Me, mum and my sisters Veronica and Louise are in the car pulling into our driveway when I look at our driveway and notice that the car is gone from the driveway.
Me: "Where is the car?"
Mum, Ronnie and Louise: "..." (Exchange glances)
Ronnie: "We're in it."
I'd just been out to a show and Dad had dropped me off at the front of our house before dropping off my sisters friends. Stepping through the fence I noticed that the car was missing from the driveway.
Me: (Stepping inside) "Mum? Where's the car?"
Mum: "... You were just in it, Liz."
Me: (Singing 'Bed Rock' by lil' Wayne... or whatever his name is...) "Ooh, baby. Having sex with you..."
Ronnie: (Laughing) "Having sex with you? Those aren't the words."
My family and I are walking around St. Kilda Melbourne, which is known as the red light zone or something... (Prostitutes) and we got a bit lost as it got dark.
Ronnie: "What do we do if it gets really dark?"
Louise: "Yeah. We're really lost."
Me: (thinking back to when it was light and I saw someone catch a cab) "Don't worry... If it gets too dark we can always stand on the corner and get a ride."
Everyone laughs at me.
"Crap... Shut up!"
Back in the hotel room...
Chuck (my older brother): (Laughing) "Better lock the door we don't want Liz to get out and go stand on the corner."
Everyone laughing... again.
Me: "...Shut up!"
Me at Work:
A lady just bought a chair cushion.
Me: "Would you like a chair with that?"
I'm writing a check seal for a co-worker when I pause and stare at him.
Him: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I just forgot your name..."
Him: "Well, I'm not telling you."
After thinking for awhile I finally remember.
Me: "Oh! I remember!"
I write it down and he looks at it.
Him: "You know... That's not actually my name..."
Me: (Frowning) "It's not? But I'm sure it is! It's on the roster!" (I go over and check) "See! It is!"
Him: (Laughs and shakes his head) "You're an idiot."
Me: "...Shut up."