|Kishijoten in 'Drunkerella'
Author: u r - w a i f u PM
It's when Fairy tales meet crack for the first time along with Kishijoten pulling the strings to this Parody-ish of a tale of love for sake, money and of course se--ntimental stuff that will make you wish I hadn't created another kids story. Not for kids.Rated: Fiction T - English - Parody/Drama - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,107 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 08-05-10 - Published: 07-14-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2828499
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: So, I'm starting to think my house is haunted O.O Ya know why? 'Cause my internet was acting up and it wasn't because of weather problems and the light on the modem was flashing. So I turned back to my computer and then after a few seconds looked back at my internet modem to find it back to the way it was… XD Oh noes~ I knew that I had a ghost in my house.
Anyway, enough of my weirdness! I'll explain why I'm writing another 'Kids' story. The reason why I'm writing a 'Kids' story is because I thought they need more stories in the category, so I'm helping them out XD Actually it's not really help at all… Also!! This is not recommended for little kids, too much colorful words and other cwap. So no kids under 13 years of age!!! I don't wanna get sued and also I won't get a lot of attention if I put it as 'M' rated… so, if you're a kid under the age of 13 or even 14 years old, please leave now… or else. Now onto the short story…
Kishijoten in Drunkerella:
A Parody of the worst kind D:
"Once upon a drunken night, a girl with pink hair and gold eyes was born… along with her evil twin sister, a girl with black hair and icy blue eyes (Actually, they're not really identical twins just twins by birth XD). As they grew up their parents soon realized that they were opposites of each other. Eventually they became idiotic adolescents and their parents, being the idiots they are, decided to separate the twins sending one to America and leaving one in Japan. The parents went with the evil twin sister while the pink haired tween was left all alone in Japan…
The pink haired tween decided to kill some time by bashing up the boys in her school, thus gaining the title 'Drunkerella' because whenever she had shown up to a fight she was either drunk or in a girly costume. Even if she killed 1,000 people she would still be unhappy and was unable to fill up the hole that her family left in her shitty life, so she decided to sell coke and crack on the streets and soon enough was picked up by a group of step-sisters and told her to join their gang so they could all bash up boys for no reason together.
The pink haired girl looked up at them with sparkling eyes for she had finally found a place where she belonged but then decided to bash the shit out of them and left them for the hobos to do their business on disposing the bodies. And there, the pink haired girl walked into the sunset hand in hand with all her hobo fwends as they smiled happily at their misfortune. The End…"
I looked up from my little book at the little children who I was reading to. They looked pretty impressed… either that or that I've just scared them shitless.
"Mama!!" One cries as he tugged onto his mother's dress, "Pwease tell me dats not true… they lived happiwee ever awfter, right?"
I looked at his mother with disinterested eyes. She stared back at me with a frown so I simply shrugged it off.
"They asked me to read them a damn story." I say as I got up to my feet, "And this was the only story I wrote in my book so far…"
"You should be ashamed of yourself, Kishijoten!!" One parent said as he picked up his daughter.
"Papa!! I wanna sell cwack too!!" The little girl says with a smile on her face.
I smiled back at the girl and patted her head and said, "With hope and faith you can do anything!! Especially selling crack, man they're gonna love ya on the streets."
"Yaaay!!" She said as her father quickly took her away, along with the other parents doing the same thing.
And soon enough I was left by myself in the corner of the marketplace. This village is so damn boring sometimes… and even the parents are too protective over their children. I mean, geeze, they're gonna find out soon enough, you dumbasses. I shrugged it off and grabbed my tattered brown bag full of goods and went my way towards what was known as home.
Yes, that story is half true with me being the pink haired girl… except that right now we're back to ye old times but thanks to my ESP I soon enough found out about what the future has to come and thus giving me the knowledge of crack, coke, yaoi, Japan and other illegal things in 'fairy tale land'.
"Oh my! A Royal Ball? And it's for the prince's hand in marriage?" One woman called as she gossiped with her friends.
Ugh, not this kind of shit again… The prince has been looking for a princess for a long time… hasn't that dumbass heard of arrange marriages? Geeze, if it's about stupid idiotic things like that, then I'm not interested.
"I heard that this time he'll give out money to the chosen girl!!" One squealed.
I stopped dead in my place. Money? I slowly turned around by the heel of my feet and stared at the gossiping cougars.
"I've heard he's around 17 years old!!" One potential cougar says.
"If he's good looking then I'll go!" Another wanna-be cougar calls.
"Ha! You're not even good looking enough to be a princess!" One says high and almighty, "If you have the perfect guy then you, yourself has to be the perfect woman! So I call dibs!!"
"No I called dibs first!"
"No, bitch!! He's mine!!"
Before I knew it they were already in a cat fight. It was a sight to be seen, one of the most interesting things I've ever seen in ye olde town. Soon enough men crowded around the cat fight and started cheering them on while throwing money on them.
"Bets!! Bet!! Yes, you ma'am! The chances for the red head to win is high, would you care to bet?" A guy calls out to me but I already had my suspicions of him being a con man so I decided not to join in.
I turned away and went back onto my plan. So, if I so happened to go to this Royal Ball then maybe I could get all the money in the world so I could buy a billion bottles of sake!! Shit, that sounds like a great idea!! I quickly smiled to myself as I turned on my iPod and placed on my earphones…
As I reached to the gate that lead to my property and blonde haired boy came running pass me. I already knew who it was… the annoying hobo that usually pitched up a tent on our property. He quickly skidded to a stop and turned around to smile at me. Surprisingly for a peasant boy he had straight white teeth which made me wonder if there was such a thing as a toothbrush….
"Ohayo, Kishijoten-chan!!" He says as he walks towards me calmly.
I tilted my head to the side as he spoke once more in a language I didn't understand. As he was finished with his sentence I nodded back confused of what he just said.
"… um… do you speak English?" I say.
"Japanese?" He says back.
"Oh shit, you don't know English!!" I say with a smile, "Well at least I don't understand your stupid rants."
He stared at me with a confused look and I shrugged him off, like I always do, and went back to opening the rusty old gate.
"Oh, but I do know of it." He says as he bowed to me like a gentleman, "My name is Yuji and of course I know your name, Kishijoten."
I quickly looked at him with wide eyes. Stupid Hobo Boy say what? Before he was speaking in what seems like Japanese and now he's fluent in English?! Damn, now he's gonna talk to me… and I hate to converse with a stalker like him…
"Sorry, dipshit, but I seriously hate to talk to boys…" I say as I quickly jumped over the gate and poked my tongue out, "So get off our property."
I quickly turned around gracefully and walked up the all too familiar path towards what seemed to be my home… except for having to live under a house with 8 Step-sisters along with a step mother. Well, actually they're not my step-siblings or parent… they kinda adopted me…
"Welcome home, Onee-chan!!" The only caring step-sister called from her garden.
I waved at her and gave her a smile but then dreaded being back here again when the house came into full view. Oh geeze, Step-Mother shall be very displeased with my disappearance… but I can't help it, I needed to buy more bottles of sake and they only sold it in the black market which is far, far away from town.
I hesitantly opened the door and popped my head from the little corner and said, "I'm home…"
"Ohohohoho~" A girl with long red hair called as she skipped towards me, "About time, bitch!!"
She grabbed her slipper and wacked it on top of my head. I fell down and was now on my knees rubbing the top of my head.
"Yeah, yeah… I'm home, Mama Himedere…" I say as I looked up at her.
Sure. She really isn't the mother to all of my step-sisters… she's more of in charge with the household and none of us are related by blood at all. She looked down on me with her piercing yellow eyes, the usual frown along with the crossed arms and 'I'm-sooooo-pissed-off-right-now-but-I'm-gonna-firgive-you-anyway' look. She took one look at me and then turned away.
"Go do your chores…" She says as she leaves.
"Yes, sir!!" I say as I got to my feet and saluted her as I went on my way to scrubbing the toilets with her toothbrush.
A/N: I was joking with the short story bit XD Sorry, I just found out this needs some chapters with it because there's too much to write. Anyway, anyway!! Most of the characters that are in this story is yet again some of the cast from 'My Drunken Night Adventures' franchise and sadly I haven't written much about them. But Himedere (Not her real name, just her codename) is around 18 years old and that's about all that I know about her… XD