|Letters to a Bully, A Goob and a Fish Face
Author: BabyDollAndGiantFreaK PM
Dear Maxxie, Yeah I’d sex you up- I’d also marry you and love to father your children. Get in my pants now. And put my fucking ring on your finger while you’re at it. I don’t want you with anyone else. Kay, thanks, bye. Love, Max ;Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Words: 3,726 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 3 - Published: 09-19-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2848991
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
You're such a fucking idiot! I swear, I've been walking around in my sports bra for lacrosse practice and I'm sweaty and panting and you still don't notice me. What. The. Hell.
Okay it's totally normal when you're a girl working out and some guys will check you out- as long as you have a great body. And since it's spring and it's lacrosse-soccer-baseball season! Oh the mightiest of sports- lacrosse of course, baseball is just stupid.
"Lookin' hot there Maxine!" Max hollers from allll the way over there with the baseball players. Ha ha, funny I know right? Max and Maxine? Yeah that's what our parents thought. See they're not friends, nor have they ever been besties- it just so happens that our mother's gave birth to us on the same day, in the same hospital, in the same wing and hallway and in rooms across from each other. Apparently they went to high school together but never have been friends. I guess it was a time for them to reminisce and for them to bond- even though they haven't spoken since. They decided that it'd be cute to name Max, Max and me, Maxine to have matching names. But what's not cute? The fact that he's Max Travis and I'm Maxine Travers. I mean come on! How much more confusing could it be?!
"Shut up Max! I hate you!" I shout as continuing running laps.
"Hey boys!" The girls sing in a teasing. Well jeez! It'd make sense if it were the soccer boys-or even the footballers off season conditioning- but serious, baseball players, ew.
"Hey ladies!" The guys laugh together.
I roll my eyes and Tammy scoffs, "Don't worry Maxine he'll be here soon. No worries, you're football player will be here mighty soon."
"I wish! God, why is he so adorable- and ughhh!" I groan.
"Sweetheart, you seriously don't normally act like this about a guy, this is weird."
"I know! But I mean, I can't help it! It's sick, I swear."
"Uh, duh. Get yourself together!"
"I wish!" I sigh as we plop down to stretch. The sad thing is I've never talked to the boy- the totally adorable yet hot at the same time boy. He's on the football team and he's tall, half Spanish and white and just so hnnnnnng worthy.
Of course Tammy thinks he looks like a fish- but hey! He's a swimmer too- a swimmer with like amazing luscious lips- who doesn't notice my existence. Amazing.
What the fucking fuck, are you seriously watching that stupid fish boy run? Have you even heard him talk? He only cares about girls for sex, no fucking way am I going to let you near that jerk. Have you even fucking talked to him? Seriously. What. The. FUCK.
Okay I swear if I see Maxine watching that loser run past again I will hit something. That kid's name is Shiloh, what, the hell! Who names their kid Shiloh?
I've known Maxine Travers since kindergarten and I swear she's so fucking dense. She doesn't notice anything- I could blatantly stare at her ass or chest and she won't even notice. Not that I do- but still. I mean it's so obvious that Shiloh would fuck her- he just doesn't talk to her, she's kind of intimidating. I mean, she's not too tall or short, and skinny as hell but the way she carries herself is intimidating you know? Like when you see someone walking down the hall way or in a giant crowd of people there's always one person who can stop the crowd- turning heads and they give off an aura that makes some people cower and lower their head. Yeah, that bad. She's not some sort of mean girl that rules the school with an iron fist or something though.
"Hey Maxxie!" I jog over to her side once practice if over for us baseballers. Yeah, we are also that cool to be called baseballers. Seriously, lacrosse is a stupid sport- using sticks to throw around small balls, come on! Also very sexual if I might add- not exactly a bad thing but whatever.
"Shut up Max." Maxine rolls her eyes. Oh how the sweat lightly coating her face is so adorable. What can I say, she'd look good in anything- or lack thereof. Okay I know what you're thinking, all I want is sex too right? Wrong- I've known her for so long that every topic is open for discussion- even her period- and I know she likes to think that we're not friends but we are. Kind of.
I mean, we're not exactly friends but we can talk for hours and never get bored- and we can tell each other everything and not really judge each other. Okay, maybe our talking usually is arguing and our version of not judging is really just judging each other but accepting each other anyway. But hey, conversations really are just arguments and disagreements anyway.
"Now why in the world would I do that?" I coo.
"Well I don't know- it's not like you've never shut up before." She snaps.
"Tisk tisk tisk, someone is in a very testy mood. Let's see how far I can go then…" I smirk at Maxie as she glares. Even at her average hight she's still super short to me, so I pet her as she growls
"Did you just pet me?! DON"T PET ME!"
"What, bad mood that you didn't get to talk to fish boy?" I tease.
"Don't you tease me Max."
"You know me so well Max."
"Don't play the Max game with me!" She whines, I swear she acts like such a kid sometimes.
"Sorry- now what's got you in such a whirl?"
"You know what."
"No I don't."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't!"
"Max!" She groans, "Why can you be Shiloh's friend so I can be his friend?"
"Because I'm not going to and I don't want to."
"You're so fucking mean to me. Bully."
"No I'm not." I scoff, "Want me to bring some Chinese food when I come over?"
"Yeah- you know what I eat. And YES, yes you are such a bully."
"If I was a bully would I bring over your favorite Chinese food?"
"Yeah, you're just trying to fatten me up." We stop walking as Maxine places her hand on the door hand of her car.
"No- even though you're too skinny."
"Yeah, well you're a bully who's really bad at tutoring me in Spanish fyi. I should get my swimmer boy to teach me since he is-"
"Look," I look Maxie in the eye, "Just give up on him! And I'm not bad a tutoring you! I'm excellent and I'm even taking AP Spanish so hah!"
"Yeah, well I'm barely making a C in Spanish 4."
Okay, so maybe I'm purposely not teaching her the best I can- I want to continue to be her tutor! Sue me, two to three hours with Maxie, every other day is like hnnng god, amazing. Okay so maybe I've been highly infatuated with her for years- baseball captain with the girl's lacrosse captain is like huge athletic sin but what's a guy to do anyway, he can't let that douche bag have her. And okay, maybe I've been scaring off some guys too but whatever I'm too in-fucking-fatuated.
Babe, you're long legs and your dark brown hair drives me crazy. Even though sometimes you put too much effort into making your hair look nice- like when you curl it and braid it, etc, it's always silky and sexy no matter what. Oh and you're green eyes that sometimes turn blue then brown totally drive me crazy. Yeah I'd sex you up- I'd also marry you and love to father your children. Get in my pants now. And put my fucking ring on your finger while you're at it. I don't want you with anyone else. Kay, thanks, bye.
Dear Jerky sucky Spanish Tutor,
I like how you know so much about me. Maybe I don't hate you that much.
Love, your totally sexy wet dream provoking tutee
I never totally understood how things are between me and Max- the Max game by the way I'd how he confuses me by calling me Max repeatedly, I'm not that stupid really, it's more confusing than it sounds- and anyway he knows the most about me. It's just that we don't get along enough to be called friends- plus he's a baseball player! Ew.
As I walk out of the bathroom in my towel I see Max lying on my bed with his arms behind his head and the bag of food sitting on my desk. That's pretty much how I spend most nights- Max and me, food, homework, Spanish flashcards and the occasional movie. I swear I need a boyfriend to do this with instead. Tam says we're the cutest thing dice sliced bread- which I so don't find how sliced bread is cute.
But she also says we'd have cute babies with Max's dirty blonde-light brown hair and my eyes; the kid would also be super tall giants with shit loads of freckles. I think she just said that because she things Shiloh looks like a fish and I look like a puppy and apparently you don't mix mammals with aquatic animals.
"Hey sexy." he greets tonelessly, "Travers family all working?"
"Yeah Lena will first home at like 9." I secure my towel around my body and I dry out my hair- of course it's not like it's be new if my towel fell, I gave Max a lap dance and strip tease on his 15 birthday.
"Great we can make as much noise as we want." He smiles suggestively as he sits up.
"Oh baby, "I moan mockingly.
"Oh yeah!" he laughs.
"Anyway, don't you think you hair is getting tad too long? It practically covers your eyes hun."
"Mhm of course you're in a better mood- showers do that to you- and no I like the way it looks." For emphasis he swishes his head side to side, making the layers stand out and wrap around his freckled face. I so don't get why girls like him.
"What going for the pop punk chic? Sorry babe but you can't pull it off like Alex Gaskarth or John Ohhh." I pat his leg as I grab some underwear and a bra from my dresser before vending down to pick up my Redskins PJ pants.
Max wolf whistles, "Hot. And I pull it off better babe at least according to Facebook. And you're pants repulse me, I'd prefer you not in them."
"Ew, like they say, only thigh worse than the Cowboys are their fans." I sneer as I walk back out without a shirt, "And that Facebook page is totally inaccurate- you can't pull off every look you goob." I grab a plain pastel red shirt and slip it on- ah my favorite color.
"Ew no." Max grabs the food as I grab my homework, "that's just gross, your team is gross. And what's inaccurate is me being a goob."
Soon the wonder waft of Lo Mein flows around the room and I grab some chopsticks and pull them apart. I settle myself and open the book and we both spread out some papers. I hand him his carton of Orange chicken and rice and dig into my food. God, Chinese after a tough workout totally soothes my soul Now if only Max wasn't here then it'd be perfect.
You should definitely continue to walk around without a shirt. But please take off those pants as well. And you know what? I love spending all these days with you. Also, I really want to kiss your fucking full red lips- they're sexy.
Love, Max (;
Okay so Maxine is extremely boner inducing and it's not fucking fair. She has like the perfect lips for sucking di- okay Max don't think about it!
I shove in a piece of chicken as Maxxie puts. Piece of hair behind her ear, "What does Le ciel est d'un beau bleu mean?"
"Maxxie, that's French."
"What? No it's not." She retorts.
"Yeah, it is. It means the sky is a beautiful blue. In Spanish it's el cielo es azul hermoso s." I correct her as spear a piece of chicken and put it in front of her mouth. She obliges and eats it.
"No it's not! I swear it's right."
"No, it's not. Estúpido increíblemente bonita chica…" I shake my head with a grin- which translates into Stupid amazingly pretty girl- even though she's really smart just not when it comes to Spanish.
"Did you call my pretty girl? 'Cause bonita is pretty…and chica is girl." She pieces the two together and picks up her workbook.
"Glad you figured that out- even if it' so obvious and simple." I roll my eyes as I lay back.
"Whatever- I'm just really bad with other languages. Plus I have a horrendous teacher. Want something to drink? I'm going to get some orange juice."
"Ew no, I hate orange juice after seven AM."
"Picky little snot. But there is other things to drink besides OJ."
"Grab me a water bottle."
Dear Shiloh Kaplan,
Kepp your stupid swimmer ass away from my girl. Touch her and I will kill you. She touches you, and I will kill you. Think about touching her and I'll think about killing you- then kill you. Got it?
P.S. She's mine no matter what she says.
With hate, Max Travis
I wasn't always like this when it comes to Maxine I swear, at first I thought she was cute- she had a little gap that slowly closed up without any braces and she was the tallest girl in all our classes. Over the years she got outgrown and she became more sexy than cute. It was the puberty years that I lusted after her and damn on my 15th birthday I swear I felt like a man. Which was probably why she put on that show for me- and boy can she put on a show. I had a girlfriend at the time so when she found out that me and Maxxie were in a room together on my birthday 'making me a man'- which didn't involve any sexual activity just a lack of clothes, she broke up with me. Then I got a girlfriend beginning of sophomore year and another junior year- which compelled me to not care about Maxine in that way. But then I saw Maxine making out with some guy at a party near the end of junior year and bam- I was done for. Now senior year is almost over and I'm sprung-at least according to Kent- the person who knows me best, after Maxine of course.
I don't think I have it that bad. I mean really, I like her, I really like her but being in love with Maxine Travers is an ill advised idea. 1) she'd reject me and laugh 2) any guy that likes her gets their heartbroken 3) most guys that like her get scared off by me- which means there's no one to scare me away from her- which will result in deep shit 4) I'm too young to be in love
"Hey," Maxine tosses the bottle as she takes a sip of her OJ.
"Do you want to go out with me?"
Maxxie snorts and chokes on her juice, having difficulty swallowing it, "What?!"
"Yeah, you hear me." I shrug. What in the world is wrong with me?
"Um- I don't know." She touches her nose and bites her lip- which means she's nervous.
"Okay, well let me know." I say nonchalantly. God, it's a lot harder to keep cool than most guys lead on. My palms are sweaty and my heart is beating erratically- I swear I could hear my brain throbbing.
Of course Max wouldn't reject to accept yet- she'd have to make me squirm.
"You are so weird, I don't get why you-"
"Well I want to go out with you, that's why." I back sass.
"Okay so wait- why'd you have to be so abrupt?" She sits down on her bed with an extremely confused expression.
"Well I've been thinking about it- so either I could just say it now or I could be an idiot and never say anything."
"Well instead of an idiot, now you're a jerk."
I let out a sigh, "Well I can't ever win can I?"
"So how does that make me a jerk?"
"It makes you a jerk because now I'll be confused and thinking about what the fuck you're thinking as well as deciding on what to say!" She slaps my arm and it doesn't really hurt.
"Ow!" I fake, rubbing my arm, "You're a bully."
"No I'm not! You're the bully." She defends, "I dislike you."
"Well that's a step up from 'I hate you'." I try.
"Yeah well whatever. You still suck at being a tutor."
"How about I make you a deal? If you get an A at the end of the year then you'll have to admit that baseball is far more superior to lacrosse. If you don't get an A I'll sing you a song at the last baseball game."
"Deal." We spit shake to make it official.
You loser! Why'd you ask me out, I hate you, you dork. Okay maybe I don't hate you. But I'm not liking you right now either. Way to totally conflict my feelings. Really, I don't know if you like me or not- or if this is a joke or whatever. And I don't even know what to say besides way to be a jerk!
With mixed emotions, Maxine
"Okay, so he asked you out? Just like that? Randomly?" Tammy says slowly, taking a sip from her Sprite.
"And you haven't given him an answer?"
"And you guys are acting completely normal?"
"We're not acting but yeah."
"You know what I mean," She scoffs, "But uh what are you going to do?"
"I don't know." I shrug honestly. I really don't. So far it's been a few days and Max has been the same, only flirts with me, talks to me, bothers me, pesters me, jokes around with me and tutors me in Spanish. And quite frankly the only thing that changed was that he's a better tutor now. Jerk, I bet he's been being a shitty tutor on purpose to fail me.
"Ask him about it."
" I don't knowwww." I drag out apprehensively.
"Just go." She pushes me and I yelp.
"Hey! I won't even see him until practice later. Bully."
"Max!" I shriek.
"Yeah babe?" He says calmly- well of course he's fucking calm. Bitch.
"You bully, what's wrong with you? Why'd you ask me out? What's WRONG WITH YOU? Are you just doing this to bother me? I swear Max if you-"
"Shhhh." He hushes me by putting a very calloused hand over my mouth, "Calm down. I'm not doing this to bother you, I asked you out because I want to date you and what's wrong with me is that I like you."
"What-" I state stupidly.
"Look Maxxie, when you find someone who's unlike any other and you can talk to them for hours on end, everyday and still not get bored- who you can also tell everything to who won't really judge you or change their opinion on you no matter how bad something is-"
"You make things sound so damn nice!" I whine. Okay maybe it's true- that's what I think too but-but- ughhh!
"It's because they are so nice! And you know what? When you find someone like that you can't let them go. Ever. Or I'd be the biggest idiot and jerk out there."
"That's called a soulmate you dorks!" The whole group of baseball players and lax girls shout.
"Not even." I deny.
"Stop being such a goob." Max laughs.
"Stop being such a bully." I counter.
"So are you happy now? No more confusion?"
"Yeah." I admit.
"So what do you say?"
"Going on the date with me duh." He says it likes it painfully obvious- hey that was a general statement it's so not my fault.
"Oh, I dunno." I try to play coy.
"Okay stop it," I scold.
"I dunno maybe I'd rather date Shiloh…" I look around innocently.
"Okay, fine, I'll go out with you. But if you bully me I think I'll have to run into the arms of Shiloh and disappear into the sunset."
"I'll be on my best behavior." He assures me.
"Good- but don't think that the deal is off."
"The Spanish deal? Well of course, and I'll win."
"Yeah right, bully." I scoff before Max kisses my forehead.
A/n: Ummmm yeah , haha random story. Cute, fluffy and light I guessss. Lemme know what you think and please review!(: