|Normal isn't fun
Author: Everton Sidonie PM
“Emma, it’s a kissing booth. You have to actually kiss them.” “Joey I like you as much as anyone can like an anally attentive, obsessive compulsive, president of the planning committee but I refuse, wholeheartedly, to kiss Lucas Harvey.”Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 31,457 - Reviews: 92 - Favs: 60 - Follows: 102 - Updated: 04-07-12 - Published: 09-28-10 - id: 2851509
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"Emma, it's a kissing booth. You have to actually kiss them."
"Joey I like you as much as anyone can like an anally attentive, obsessive compulsive, president of the planning committee but I refuse, wholeheartedly, to kiss Lucas Harvey."
This was where my day turned, for what I thought was the worse. Now, I'm not so sure. Another school fete, another pile of detentions to swap for a day's worth of forced labour. Oh, Emma Stafford (that's me) doth protest. I argued my case ardently; convincing myself my dream of chasing ambulances for second rate lawsuits was a close reality.
"I object!" I said, standing from my seat in the principal's office.
Mr Cooke, he's the principal, shook his head. "Fortunately, Emma, we aren't in a court of law so I can over-rule your objection without cause."
"I demand a dismissal." Heck, I hadn't even planned to slap his desk. I will admit, it was a nice touch.
"Dismissal denied. You will participate in the fete Emma. Now go, you're giving me a headache."
"You've changed sir." He hadn't really but it felt appropriate to say.
He pointed to the door, looking less than impressed. I knew differently though. "Court adjourned."
"Aye, aye." I saluted him, marching to the door. "Oh Cookie, are you and Mrs. Cookie still coming to dinner on Friday?" My mom liked to keep close to them, she found I was less likely to be booted from school that way. "We're making fajitas."
"We'll be there Emma." He nodded.
"Got an extra spicy one for you sir, I make the salsa myself." Ah the look on his face. He was safe, I couldn't cook toast without making charcoal. And, at any rate, I'm sure my mom was making roast lamb.
So, I turned up at the fete, two hours late; yes, thank you, thank you. You're too kind. Joey, very easily spotted in the crowd (it might have been the clipboard, or the ear piece or the black shirt with 'JOEY' in white writing on the back) stuck me in the cotton candy booth, with a charming young lass named Bethany.
"You know," I said, popping some cotton candy in my mouth. I still found it fascinating how it materialised in my mouth; it really was one of those phenomenon's in life that would never cease to amaze me. "In other places, like uh...Australia, with all the sunburnt aussies, they call cotton candy fairy floss." I think she appreciated my Australian accent, wacky hand gestures and solid 'what the?' face. "What's with that, right? I mean it's candy and feels like cotton. Ten points for the proud US of A. Where the hell bunnies did they get fairy floss from?" No seriously, I wanted to know. It irked me. "I floss my teeth twice daily and my dental floss does not look like that this shit. I wonder if Australian have really bad teeth?"
Bethany was so nice. She listened so very intently and pretended she had no idea what I was talking about.
"Well." I slapped my hands on my knees and gracelessly, as per usual, stood up on the stall (where my buttocks had taken residence for the past half hour). Which I'm pretty certain now was a shiftily put together old table. "Business isn't exactly booming."
"Maybe because you're charging everyone double the price?" Bethany, such a doll.
"How else do we make a profit? It's entrepreneurialism one-oh-one." Logical, right? "Free cotton candy! Get your free cotton candy over here!" I am a genius. "Hey you, pig tails! Yeah you, have this. It's free." A crowd began to form and the cotton candy disappeared. They loved me, they really loved me.
"You give it away!" Bethany screeched. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed...where was a pacifier when you needed one. "What about the money? The profit?"
Some people. She's young, Emma. She'll learn. "Not everything's about money, grasshopper."
More! "Here you go!" The candy was in high demand and my table top dancing (I hit them with the robot a few times while passing over the candy sticks) began quite a stir. All was hunky bloody dory until a face all too familiar popped into the crowd.
"None for you Harvey." Lucas Harvey, common campus schmuck. Like a cockroach nesting underneath a refrigerator; there's always that one, waiting to pounce and crawl over your foot when you're e finally enjoying yourself.
"Looks like there's plenty left." He smirked. He was nemesis.
"Oh there is." My grin, triumphant. "I just won't give you any."
"Emma Stafford!" They were cheering my name...Or a distant yell from the Cookie monster.
"Sounds like someone's in trouble." Mockery, Harvey? Don't you ever learn?
"You promise?" I quipped, tilting my head with a sugary sweet smile. "Hey, Mr C! Look!" I called over the crowd; which systematically began to thin. "Don't worry sir, you can thank me later."
"Get down from there this instant!" I reminded myself to ask about Mrs. Cookie. That man always looks frazzled, at least whenever I talk to him, I suspected foul play at home. I liked Mr Cook and if he was being physically abused, I would be his shoulder.
"This thing's as sturdy as they come, buddy." I waved him off, even jumping to prove my point. All the while, a certain dark brown haired boy covertly moved to the side of the table and kicked in one of its legs.
I may have fallen then...Making the table collapse, myself on top of it and the cotton candy machine on its side, spilling sugar crystals over my head in a never ending shower of pink.
Sure, it hurt my butt. Yet the smile on my face, even though my mouth was wide in surprise, wouldn't leave. "Harvey, you tool! I am going to scrimmage you!" Not that he took me seriously, I looked like a buffoon.
Lucas laughed and laughed. "You promise?" He mimicked. "Pink suits you Emma." I threw a handful of sugar at him.
That was the first half of the day. After claiming 'personal time' to clean myself of sugar (in which time I promptly shook myself and spent another hour napping in a classroom) I sought out Joey to be assigned another job.
"Joey, my brother." Though it was obvious we weren't related. He was tall, thin (gangly, you could say) and as pasty as an albino's butt. I was...how do you say it...hot? Not to brag or anything but I was a catch. I had a nice little A-cup going on upstairs, deep raven hair (I was never the bud of any red head jokes) and maybe one-third of a real booty, which is all one person really needs anyway, am I right? Oh yeah, the boys; they couldn't resist me. If my looks didn't get em' my personality made them cry to their Momma's. What can I say, I oozed charm.
Any-who, back to Joey. I made him pump my fist. "What's my detail, kid? Hey can I have a walkie talkie?" I would tear that mother up if I had a two way.
Joey. I could have sighed in content. So sweet and innocent. I think I really put the fear of god in him...if God were me that is. "Someone put you on kissing booth..."
Oh, hot dog! "Score! Breath mint me up and let's hit this baby!" Kissing passing strangers, no muss, no fuss, my rules? Uh...yes please.
"And, you're welcome." Mark Bryant, seven out of ten. Not bad. All right looking too. Might need to do something drastic to his eye brows though. "Next." And the winner is...Brody Simmons. Nice skin, fit arms and thighs built for...walking. He was attractive but much more appealing when he didn't talk. "So, how are we going to do this, sugar?"
Like his gentlemanly self, he rewarded me with no answer. Nope, his hand went straight to my jaw, pulling me the final inch to his lips where immediately I was met with tongue and too much teeth. With a rather visible roll of my eyes, I too put a hand on a jaw, his. That boy was lucky, taking control I showed him how a kiss should go. And when I pulled away I slapped his chest good naturedly (or so he thought) grinning. "Don't worry, you'll pick it up one day." Emma; one. Brody Simmons; bruised ego.
"That's me." I knew that voice. Laser eyes would have been very useful at that moment.
"Don't you have a cheerleader somewhere to impregnate?"
There was a glint in his wannabe devil eyes. "You're a cheerleader now?" Oh that cocky....wipe that smirk with turps!
"That's just unsavoury." Must devise monolithic heist of Harveys' worldly possessions. "Well, you can leave now."
"But you haven't kissed me." Hey hey! And the pink elephant goes to Lucas Harvey, moral-less meathead with a tendency to piss me off.
"I've found I'm rather averse to kissing the venereal-ly diseased." I was well aware that is not a word. He, however, was not.
"And yet you kissed Brody."
"He was in need of a lesson. I've spoken to the girls track team, I think we made some progress today. I bumped him from a four to a five in one kiss."
He chuckled. "Doing the world a favour one bad kisser at a time?" Joke now jock boy, we'll see who's laughing when I reign.
"Mouth assault is very serious and can be quite traumatic." I shudder. "I've seen things."
"Maybe I need a lesson then." He said gravely, the seduction hot in his smouldering blue eyes. Kidding, he did bloody smirk at me though.
"I don't doubt that at all. I'm afraid my services aren't well trained for loss causes though." My heart flooded with warmth when he glared. Sometimes I loved my life.
_ _ _
"Emma, he's paid for it." Joey again, cringing at the stone cold look I usually for staring competitions with my gold fish – it was a special occasion though, I think the moment warranted it.
"Aren't there child prostitution laws or something? I mean this can't honestly be legal! You can't make me kiss someone because he paid five dollars!"
"Three actually." Chimed in the accused.
"Three dollars! You want me to just throw away the sanctity of my lips for three flipping dollars! And what do I get from it? Respect? No, I get chapped lips and more saliva samples than a joint at a frat party."
"Why don't we just refund Lucas the three dollars?" Joey winced, I smiled.
"Sure, now if you'll excuse me I need some time alone to decide whether my life is still worth living." And I could really go for a doughnut. It was reaching five in the afternoon and all I'd had to eat was free cotton candy and Bethany's hot dog when she went to buy a soda.
"You're a good actress." Lucas said, following me as I blindly made my way through the crowds.
"Actress, moi? Whatever do you mean?" He just smiled. "Are you stalking me, Lucas Harvey?"
"No, not stalking. Following maybe." I laughed, he was a weird one. "Are you hungry, we could get something to eat?"
Eat, with Harvey? "But we're enemies." I stated. "Does batman share brunch with the joker? It's not natural."
"We're not enemies, Emma." Lucas grinned.
"Um, yeah we are. You don't remember that time you tried to blow up the world? And I flew in with my red cape and stopped you? You have a terrible memory, Harvey."
"You can stop, you know? I won't tell anyone you're normal." The jokester wasn't joking.
"And what if this is my normal?" He didn't answer, just lifted his head in my direction, squinting slightly from the suns afternoon glare. He had nice eyes. The rest of him I couldn't answer for, but his eyes were nice. I continued walking ahead, not sure what else to say to him. He followed me.
This was supposed to be a one shot, that's why it's so long but I'm thinking I could add another one or two chapters. I have another day to write, holidays :), so if I get a response from this I will continue it. Once again, I haven't edited so please beware there will be mistakes. Happy reading :)