|Bibbity Bobbity ZIT
Author: Sidderiffic PM
So there are children starving in Africa and people dying in wars and baby seals being hunted down in Canada. That doesn’t change the fact that this zit is the end of my world. ONESHOTRated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Drama - Words: 1,685 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Published: 10-08-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2853945
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Summary: So there are children starving in Africa and people dying in wars and baby seals being hunted down in Canada. That doesn't change the fact that this zit is the end of my world.
Bibbity Bobbity ZIT
"Adolescence is just one big walking pimple." – Carol Burnett
"Alison, you can't stay in the bathroom forever," my older sister, Rebecca tells me through the door and I'm again reminded of the fact that she is a total idiot and knows nothing.
Because I can stay in the bathroom forever. And I will.
"And you can't stay out there nagging at me forever," I snap back and my eyes drift to the mirror and to the giant hill, no mountain, no volcano, no! City on my forehead and I want to cry.
"Alison, it's a stupid zit," Rebecca says as if I'm being overdramatic or something.
All right so I know I'm being overdramatic, okay? I know. But... Rebecca doesn't get it. She's perfect and beautiful and I have never seen a zit on her face ever in my life and since I've seen her every day of my life that means she's never had one. And that's not normal. She's like an enormous freak of nature and it's disgusting.
And somewhere along the way I had decided it was okay to convince myself that I would never have a zit either and be an enormous freak of nature with her.
The giant freak of nature on my forehead seems to have other plans.
"Alison?" Rebecca knocks on the door and her voice is softer.
I feel like crying.
"Alison?" she calls again when I don't reply and even though I don't want to, I pick out the worry in her voice and I feel like even more of an idiot.
I hate that I can't hate Rebecca.
"It's not about the zit," I say after a moment and I feel so stupid because it actually is about the zit. I'm going to be the girl that locks herself in the bathroom for the rest of her life because she has a zit. No one will even know when I die... They'll just have to slide my food under the door for the rest of my life. Or create a pulley system and lower it through the window and that's how I'll live my life.
In a bathroom with a pulley system and an overbearing sister knocking on the door making me feel guilty when all I want is to wallow in my misery and stare at the big giant ugly zit smack dab in the middle of my head.
I hear Rebecca sigh on the other side of the door and I glare at the mammoth red monstrosity on my face.
"What's it about, Alison?" Rebecca asks and she's trying to be patient because that's what Rebecca does. She listens and tries to be patient and hugs you when you aren't even aware that you've been wanting a hug all day.
It's so galling.
I glance at the door and imagine Rebecca on the other side. I wonder if she knows the word galling. I read it in a book yesterday. A book that Rebecca would never in a million years read because she doesn't need to read to get by in life. When I saw it I decided that I was going to use it in my next essay.
"The behaviour exhibited by Lucy in Charlie Brown is galling."
Not that I would actually write an essay about Charlie Brown. I'm more of a Moby Dick girl.
"It's about nothing," I eventually say to Rebecca and I can just see her eyebrows furrowing as she starts to get irritated and tries to fight it.
"Alision, I don't have time for this. I have a date with Mark later..." She trails away sounding almost guilty.
Of course she has a date with Mark. He's perfect and beautiful too. And together they're like an explosion of perfect and beautiful and it makes me want to vomit.
"I bet Mark's never had a zit either," I snipe at her through the door, "You two can bond over it."
I hear a sharp rap of knuckles on the door and my eyes quickly dart to the handle just to make sure the door's actually locked.
"You're being petty, Alison," Rebecca says and there it is. The real Rebecca. The snob that knows how much better she is than everyone and has to make it obvious that she's above stupid normal people emotions like anger and is always rational.
"You're a freak of nature," I say, not bothering to stop being petty.
"I forgive you."
I want to scream. Instead I settle for snapping, "No you don't." Even though I hope she does.
"I do. Now open up the door. This isn't cute anymore," Rebecca says her tone all "no nonsense" and I want to punch her right in the face for implying that this was ever cute.
"Oh, so this was cute to you?" I practically yell because of course Rebecca would think a giant tumour on my forehead is cute. Isn't it cute that Alison's life is so terrible while mine is completely perfect? It's like baby kitten cute, really! Just adorable.
"This is not cute!" I shout over her attempts at being perfect and rational and peaceful. "This sucks and I would rather be dead than have some stupid zit on my forehead like a giant flashing beacon telling everyone to "Stay away from Alison because she's an ugly cow"." My voice breaks and somewhere in there I started screaming.
The silence that follows is so precise.
And it isn't until I sniffle that I realize I've started crying.
Over a zit.
I'm crying over a zit.
"I'm pathetic," I sob and suddenly I need out of the bathroom. My hand scrabbles at the lock and within seconds the door is open and I'm throwing my arms around Rebecca's shoulders and I can't breathe or see and there's snot running out of my nose and I hate my life.
"I'm sorry," I whisper into Rebecca's hair as her hands rub soothing circles upon my shaking back.
"I know," Rebecca tells me and I let out a particularly atrocious wail. "It's okay," she says against my ear.
"Meredith told me I kept getting hit in dodge ball because I have a giant target on my head," I say and my voice breaks.
Rebecca's arms tighten around me and I feel so crappy for calling her a freak of nature, even if she is one.
"Oh Ali," she whispers, "Meredith's just a bitch, isn't she?"
I nod my head against her shoulder and quietly admit, "Robbie Rendall laughed when she said that," and my heart breaks a little as I say it out loud because I love Robbie Rendall and he thinks I'm ugly and nerdy and funny because I get zits.
"Robbie Rendall's an asshole."
In spite of my raging crush on Robbie Rendall, it feels good to hear someone say what I always think when I'm not writing his name with mine on scrap pieces of paper.
"I'm not going back to school ever again," I tell Rebecca in a hard voice and she laughs, pulling back from our hug and wiping her index finger under my eye, catching my tears.
"I'd like to hear mom's opinion on that decision," she says and her eyes flash with a hint of amusement and I try to bite back my smile with a firm and steady frown.
"Well I don't care about her opinion," I say, feeling brave in light of my recent humiliation. If I had to choose, I would take Mom on over Meredith Larenski any day of the week. At least Mom would never tease me and humiliate me in front of Robbie.
"Eighth grade sucks," Rebecca decides and I don't disagree.
"Especially when you're smarter than everyone," I tell Rebecca because I know eighth grade didn't actually suck for her. Eighth grade is awesome for the pretty girls.
Rebecca doesn't lie and tell me that they're just jealous like mom does. Instead she pulls me tighter against her and tells me all about how one day when we're older and both graduated I'll be making lots of money and firing the Meredith Larenskis of the world.
"The zit you had in eighth grade won't be very important then, will it?" she asks with a smile when I admit that I look forward to one day firing a girl just like Meredith.
"Probably not," I admit. "But I'm still in eighth grade right now and it still sucks."
Then I level Rebecca with a look and add, "And I'm still not going to school tomorrow."
She just laughs and hugs me again and takes me to my room so I can start playing out the symptoms for my fake illness tonight.
And I decide that I love that I can't hate her.
AN: Siiisters siiiiisters never there were never such devoted sisters~
I'm not sure where this came from. Actually, I do. I was watching Modern Family and was reminded of how my college drama teacher would always say "If you do not get your way by the end of this scene your world will end. It's like a kid with a zit. Sure it's a zit but to them that zit is the be all and end all of life." Enter Rebecca and Alison. Yes, I wrote Alison a little more intelligent than I probably should have, but she's a smart cookie, okay?