This is a short story. I guess is a story. It is dedicated to a girl I've known for years. She was very important to me and still is. She was never the best friend anyone could ask for. In fact, I think i was the only friend in the relationship. Saying that, she screwed up a lot and never really thought much. Still, she was my best friend. She was my sister and even though we fought a LOT, I'll always love her. She'll always be in my thoughts and so, this is dedicated to her. This is my goodbye.

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I look outside the window with distant eyes. All I could think about was you. I know its stupid. After all I did. All we did. Thinking about you was just a foolish waste of time. You were gone and that was it. There was no way i would ever get you back. It was really jut a foolish thought. I shouldn't have even bothered. I guess I'm just a fool like that. I was a fool in so many ways, but you know that better then anyone.

I would always argue with you but you never understood. You could never listen to me when I spoke. You lived in this world of your own and it wan't real. The reality of things weren't so easy. What you thought were true, it was all jut a lie. It didn't matter to me if you loved or hated me. It doesn't matter now. As long as you're always making the right choices and ass long as you'll always be happy, then thats all that matters. I just need to know that you're making the right choices. I just need to know that you're on the right track. If you ever paid attention, then you would have known that this was my attention all the time.

A laugh parts my lips as I look away from the window and away from the distant sky. I was laughing at myself. I couldn't get over how incredibly stupid I was. How could I think or believe that I meant anything to you? I knew you better then anyone. I knew you better then you even knew yourself! I knew how you were! I knew! If anyone lived in an alternate reality, it was me. I believed that i could help you, change you. I believed that you would listen to me. I believed that I could protect you from everything. I was a fool.

I couldn't help you. I couldn't protect you. I couldn't teach you. I couldn't do anything because you didn't want it. You didn't want help. You didn't want to be protected. You didn't want to be taught. You believed that you were alright correct. You already knew it all. All the time, I knew this, but I turned a blind eye to it. I wanted to believe I could save you. I learned though, you can't help someone who doesn't want it. if they don't want the help, then they'll never hear it. Every word and every lesson will go in one ear and out the other.

I know that you won't understand this, but I hope anyways that one day you will find someone who you'll listen too. One day, I can only hope, that you'll understand what I've been trying to tech you all these years. I just hope to god, that it won't be too late by then.

The tears ran softly down my cheeks. Thank god you couldn't see them. You didn't need too. You didn't need to know how badly this hurt me. You didn't need to know.

Its funny, even now I'm protecting you. I can't deny it. I still care about you. Its silly, really, I know. I get it. I just feel its what I have to do. I was always the little sister by birth, but you know, I always felt like the big sister and as the big sister, its my job to protect you. Its my job to do whats best for you. Its my job to teach you.

In a way, its kind of like a mother with her child. She worries and worries and worries. She's always looking out for what the child is doing. She's always so protective and though you don't understand all this now. One day you will. One day you'll fce your little siblings or your children, and you'll see them going down the wrong path and you'll do everything you possibly can to get them to turn around. You'll see then what I've been trying to teach you.

I guess, I tried to teach a child the lessons of an adult. You should be old enough, but I guess you're jut not responsible enough. You'll grow up soon enough though and you'll learn on your own. My lessons will make sense and you'll get it. You'll see one day, whenever that my be. The lessons will set in and you'll make sense of them all.

In whatever case, I guess there's nothing I can do but sit here. I can only sit here and pray for you. I can only let you go and try to move on. I say that I won't think about you, but we never really had a closure. I can't move on from something that never ended. All I can do is lock up the memories and pray they fade away. They won't, I know. They'll last for years.

I could never forget the way we laughed and the times we smiled. When we spoke and when we cried. I could never forget all our plans or any of our arguments. I could never forget any of it. Its apart of who I am now and it'll never fade away. i can try and run away from it but I won't. It wouldn't be worth it. I would just keep running and the more I run, the more time I spend draining away my life with it. You'll be with me forever, like a tattoo of the heart.

I won't lie and say that this is okay. I'll be honest with you right now and say that I regret this choice you've made. I regret us doing this, but saying that won't make anything okay. It won't matter in the end. I can regret it all I want, but it won't fix anything. So I'm going to wipe away they tears and let you go. Something I was told once, that up until now, I never believed, was that sometimes you have to let go of those you love because you want them to be happy. So if you're really happier without me then alright. I won't stop you, but know this. I'll never forget you. it okay if you choose to forget it all. That's alright. I understand. Sometimes that part of moving on. For me, accepting it all and letting it go is my moving on.

Its hard for me to say this, but I wish you all the best. I hope you find happiness where ever you do. I hope you learn what I was trying to teach you. I hope you learn how to be a friend. I hope you learn what loyalty is and I hope that you become so successful in whatever you choose to do. I'm sure you'll one day have a beautiful and happy family.

So I guess this is goodbye. It was what you wanted. I hope that you're happy. If not, I hope that you find happiness quickly. I hope that you'll always be safe and loved. And finally, I hope you find someone more important to you then I ever was. I hope you find someone who you will allow to teach you. Someone who can show you the way. Someone to lead you to happiness and success. I hope you'll find someone better then me.

Goodbye.

To the darkness of the room I close my eyes. I reopen them to the brightness of the moon, shining through my bedroom window. I take the memories and the words and the thoughts and I let them go into the moonlight. I didn't need to hold onto them anymore. If you need me, you'll come back. If not, then this is the best bet. To release the pain and the memories. To let it all go.

I stood up and I walked away, allowing the curtain to close over the window. The light of the moon fading away from the room and the darkness came down. There was nothing left for me to say. It was over.