I wrote this when I was 17. For some reason I had a grudge against my entire family.

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"It's Christmas time!" They said to me.

"A time for fun and laughter!"

So I went to see just what they meant-

I'll regret it ever after.

"Hold this balloon!" My brother said,

"and tie it to that peg!"

So I climbed the ladder gingerly,

and fell and smashed me leg.

Hobbling round in a plaster cast

Ain't my idea of fun-

(except I like to hop around

kicking everyone.)

"Have a glass of wine!" Mum cried,

"In this Christmas time of cheer, now!"

If I hadn't detected the arsenic smell,

I wouldn't be standing here now.

If that's their way to end a year,

They can sod off with their Christmas cheer!