|Glitter Is Evil
Author: Dragon-Rider II PM
It has to be said. An essay on why I feel glitter is evil. It sticks to you, reminds you of what! vampire, and is just the cause of all evils. Rant/essay thing.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Words: 1,754 - Reviews: 25 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 11-19-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2866005
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N- Sorry glitter lovers, but it had to be done. Glitter is the cause of all evils. Just a rant. Useless shot at trying to be productive.
Glitter is that bunch of coloured, sparkly, tiny stuff that most kids love to love and hate to hate. It plans to take over the world by brainwashing said kids. What most refuse to accept, though, is it's the cause of all evils. If you think about this, it's true. It sticks to you, it's everywhere, it reminds you of gay vampires and… the worst bit… it sparkles. So this explains why I hate glitter and what corruptions it may cause, divided into sections.
(Note- This was made for the following reasons: One- to express my thoughts to the world, two- to kill off time, and three- to justify my opinion. My opinion is never accepted unless I have a justification.)
Me, personally. Why I hate glitter-
The main reason I hate glitter is because it sticks to everything. Glitter is, and I'm not exaggerating, everywhere. In every room in the house, somewhere deep in the carpet, on my bed, my clothes, papers that some people put it on, followed by my innocent papers when it touches them, all over my hands and on my personal possessions. Hell, we spilt some on the carpet maybe around eight years ago and it's still there! Glitter comes in many colours, is small, sparkly and just plain evil.
Now normally, I wouldn't mind if something came in many colours, even though I am a black-and-white style person, but in the case of glitter, it's in practically in every colour you can ask for, everyone knows about it and as I mentioned before, it's almost impossible to get off once it gets somewhere. This means an extremely colourful, sparkly world where you can't touch something for the fear of being contaminated. Times like these, I hate colours, and reward myself once again on my choice for being a simple, un-decorative person.
Glitter has contributed to my corruption. Sanity and otherwise. How, you may ask? As I mentioned earlier, I'm a black-and-white style person. I don't associate much with colour. Almost everything I have is black, white, or blue. I have tried to change this, despite popular belief, but because of glitter, the majority of people who use it and the many things it is used for, I have backed away. A lot.
As for my general sanity, seeing all those sparkly colours on every surface, overuse of all people, mostly children, and 'accidental' incidents where it goes all over me, has driven me mad. It can drive anyone mad, actually.
I also have a lamp thingy I had from when I was younger. It's purple, filled with water and in that water is silver glitter. Now, because I barely glance at it, even though it's on top of my broken Rubik's Cube, which used to be one of my most treasured possessions I wouldn't really mind, but the amount of times people come and shake it just to see it move around drives me mad.
Also, I have a painted pinecone a friend gave to me a couple of years back, complete with glitter on the tips of it. The glitter, which was held in place by glue, is coming off. Slowly, but it's happening. (Don't get me wrong, I love the pinecone, but the glitter drives me insane.)
Getting it off-
As stated earlier, there was a spill in my room about eight years ago, maybe more, and until now, no-one has managed to get all of the stuff gone. Now, there are many incidents involving the attempted removal of glitter, and all have succeeded by a stroke of luck, assuming they didn't fail. Some of the following are-
-When I had to put glitter on a poster for group work around last year. My hands and skirt were covered in the stuff by the time I finished. And because the tap was unavailable at the time, I was stuck whacking my hands together, on the table and on my skirt for an extended amount of time while my hands became redder and redder, and hurt more and more. And guess what happened? I failed. There was still glitter covering me. I had to wait for God knows how long before I could wash it off properly (which took a long time as well), and finally succeeded. (Not to mention the glitter on the table. That didn't come off in a while, either.)
-When a friend of mine told me about the time she was taking a box from a shelf, while not knowing a hole was in the bottom. You know what happened? A trickle of silver… a little more… BOOM!!! As soon as the hole was above her head, silver glitter was EVERYWHERE. On her skin, clothes, eyes, hair and the floor. She told me it took one week to wash it all out.
-I once went to a gathering. Nice, innocent, religious. In a room set aside for children to play with, there were papers, markers, pens, crayons and… glitter. Me being me, I went right in there. Took some papers, avoiding the glitter which had worked its way into the floor, took a crayon and started writing random things. One of them was stating how much I hate glitter. After this, I walked around the room for a bit, innocently looking for something else to write with. Namely, at that point, a nice, black marker. I made the mistake of laying my paper down next to some glitter a person had used, and when I came back, there was red glitter all over one section of my innocent paper. So I picked it up. And, not thinking, I brushed it off. It stayed on. Well, most of it did. The bits I had managed to take off was now stuck on my fingers. And because I had to go, I took the paper, folded it, making sure that the glitter was on the INSIDE of it, shoved it up my sleeve and left. What happened to the glitter on my fingers, you ask? Well, I couldn't leave it where I was. For the sake of my dignity, I rubbed it on the floor. Hard. Most of it came off. (Note that this was a very rough, very hard carpet.) And I accidently placed my sleeve where the glitter was. Where did it go? On my sleeve, of course. Glitter hates me.
-Another friend of mine stated she opened her pencil case to find glitter in there. She couldn't get it out for a month. A MONTH.
(This is irrelevant, but when I asked another friend, she said, 'My cat. He ran away a few years ago, but sometimes I can still smell him.')
Gay vampires- (Twilighters, skip this section. NOW.)
Seriously, since when did vampires sparkle…? They're meant to BURN in the sunlight. NOT sparkle. I can go on for quite a while, but this is off topic.
Glitter reminds people of gay vampires because gay vampires, like glitter, are sparkly, useless piles of nothing that should just be destroyed and sent off the Earth/away from the universe. They are perfect, make everyone wish they had it, and need to be thrown out for the safety of the world and human sanity.
(I also heard about girls covering their boyfriends with glitter to make them look like they sparkle. Wtf?! If I was the guy in that situation, I'll go mad. But because I don't plan on having a boyfriend and hate glitter, I am DISGUSTED. Despite popular belief, I actually take into account other's feelings, and I don't know a lot of boys who want to be covered in the stuff. In fact, I don't know any.)
Glitter wastes the following things-
-Itself, because I have seen countless times glitter spilt all over glue on paper to form things such as names, random shapes etc. After the glitter is spilt, some obviously doesn't get stuck on the glue. This glitter is merely spilt on the floor/other papers/any available surface, to stick there for the rest of eternity, instead of reusing it and pouring it into the containers it came from. This won't work perfectly, but at least some glitter is not wasted, and instead reused.
-Glue, because to stick glitter on things, you need something, don't you? This is usually glue. This means that, instead of using the glue for more useful things, it is used, often more than needed, to stick the glitter all over a paper. The poor glue is abused, it is wasted on something so utterly worthless and deserves a little more respect for its effort in helping us through our daily lives.
-Paper, because all that glitter is placed on something. Namely paper. The paper is covered in glue, has glitter poured all over it, the glitter and glue are wasted, and the paper is usually forgotten or thrown out. Seriously, we're trying to SAVE trees. Not destroy them because of glitter.
No. Not shining, SPARKLING. There is a fine line. I like shiny stuff, despite popular belief. But as with sparkly things, they drive me mad. And having glitter everywhere, some parts of it dull and some glaring at you in the most obnoxious/evil way, in the most random places, without consistency is bad for one's sanity. Especially if that someone is already being driven mad by multiple stuff.
Coupled with the fact that whenever I move, a sparkly thing catches my eye. I get curious. I crawl forwards. It disappears. I move again. There it is again. And I put my face inches away from the ground where the sparkly thing was. Nothing. I put my finger where the thing was. Still nothing. Then I realise- glitter. It was glitter. I have come to hate sparkly things.
This concludes the reasons I hate glitter. There's more, but my brain hates me right now and is depriving me of memory/reasons I hate glitter/anything else related to doing anything productive. I MAY do other ones on other things I hate (shoes, the kitchen etc.) but I'm not sure.