|J'ai perdu mon chéri
Author: SilentSorrows PM
Journal entry: ...Every time it snows I think of you... Original Written Date: February 2007Rated: Fiction K - English - Romance/Angst - Words: 499 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Published: 11-29-10 - Status: Complete - id: 2869046
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Every year, every time it snows I think of you. I think of you and how I missed going to your house the day you had invited me over. I didn't want to go because I thought you would think I looked fat and stupid in my snow bib. But I'm an idiot. I still cling on to all the phone conversations we had. I still scan the caller I.D. every phone ring or missed call, waiting for you to call because I'm too scared to call you. I'm scared because I've let years pass without calling you back. I'm scared that you've moved on by now. I'm scared that you've changed from the person I knew you to be. But I'm also scared that you've forgotten me. I haven't forgotten you. I miss you. I miss the way your eyes curved and your whole face lit up when you smiled. I miss the happy times, and ponder the sad ones. I try to keep the memories alive, but as the years pass, they fade. I wonder if you're happy, or sad, or apathetic. Do you still enjoy the things you used to? Who are you now? Who do you want to be? Where do you want to go in life? I know you play the bass guitar; I saw your videos on myspace. I wonder if you know that I play it too. Probably not, but I can still wonder. You're better than I'll ever be.
I have a cat. He reminds me of you because I remember that you had a few cats. You really liked them. You had one whose name was Kyle. I remember that. And I remember that green jacket you had. I think your dad or granddad gave it to you, and that he was in the army or something. It had stains on it, I think you said they were from oil. I liked it. It looked warm and comfy. I'm still wearing one of my jackets from back then. It's warm. But it reminds me of the old me, the stupid me. I was stupid because I never said anything to you. I was stupid because I wasn't a better friend to you. I was stupid to reject your feelings and our relationship just because my friends wouldn't have approved of it. I can't even begin to imagine how much I hurt you. And I wonder what you think of me, or if you even think of me at all.
And now it's snowing and I'm thinking of you. Who are you? Where are you? Are you happy? Are you thinking of me? Because I'm thinking of you. Every time it snows I think of you. I think of you and your invitation that I mistakenly turned down. I don't remember how or why I turned it down, all I know is that I let both you and me down. And this snow is always a reminder of that. I'm sorry.