|Chronicles of Noir
Author: Booshbeforecats PM
In the late 21st century, magical creatures such as dragons ogres, and trolls are running amock, opening up a job for a trio of misfit monster hunters, but are the mythical beings the worst kind of monster?Rated: Fiction T - English - Friendship/Fantasy - Words: 5,060 - Published: 01-04-11 - id: 2879216
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Nero noir was 6 years old when he saw his first "Mythical Creature". It was the middle of the night, and he had gone stairs for snack. He screamed at the sight of his parents being bludgered to death by a tiny , what looked like a troll, with a frying pan. Nero grabbed his baseball bat of of the couch and started beating the beast with it, until all that was left was a mess of blood and slime. His hands shook as he stared down at the lifeless bodies that lay before him, and he immediatley ran to the phone to report what had happened. Of course, nobody believed a word he said, and his uncle, who was living with the family at the time, ended up with a death penalty.
"Guilty until proven innocent." Nero said, fifteen years later. He propped his feet up on his desk.
"I bet the cop that took your uncle in feels like a total dumbass now." Arlene laughed. "Whose turn is it to get the donuts?"
Albino (so named for his condition) popped up from a pile of papers.
"It's yours, lady." he groaned, pushing himself up from the floor.
"You sleep there all night?" Nero asked, lighting himself a cigarette.
"Someone had to get the taxes done. Why not the fucking accountant?" he snapped. Arlene shook her head.
"Don't be an ass." she snapped back. "No one asked you to take the job."
"I didn't take the job to do your paperwork, I took it to get revenge on the things that fucked my life up, stupid bitch."
Arlene, grabbed the magnum from the back of her pants and pressed the muzzle to Albinos forehead.
"You wanna talk any more shit, you color-free piece of shit?"
Albino grabbed the muzzle of the gun and stuck it in his mouth.
Arlene couldn't take it anymore. The mohawed girl pulled the trigger, splattering Albino over the walls.
"Calm down kiddies." Nero laughed. "Serious, Arley, colerless? Is that the best you could come up with? Be a good girl and get the donuts."
"Why not have Albino do it? He still needs to make up for last time."
"You just splattered Albino all over the wall because you lost your temper."
"Just get the damn coffee."
Arlene glared at Nero, then turned and walked out.
Blood and flesh flowed from the walls and back to the rest of Albino's body, rebuilding him.
"I wish that really had killed me." he muttered. He lifted his head from the floor, looking around. "Where'd Arlene go?"
"Out for coffee."
Nero was a tall odd looking man. His hair was short and black, his skin pale. He wore fingerless leather gloves and a white tank top under a long black sleeveless coat. His baggy army style camo pants hung loosely over his steel plated combat boots. His eyes were a bright green, yet suprisingly cold.
Albino cowered back into his pile of papers. His long white hair draped over his clear blue eyes. His skin was a paper white. He was a boney 16 year old boy, dressed in all black from head to toe, and as much as he wished he would, no matter what, he couldn't die. Unfortunatley, he could barely hold a gun, making him worthy only of accounting, and cconstantly upgrading Nero's weapons.
Marzia was a killing machine. Her hair was worn in a pitch black mohawk, her brown eyes hidden by a pair of sunglasses. She wore torn blue jeans and a long leather jacket. Her boots reached to the length of her knees. She had joined Nero after he helped her wipe out an ogre trying to take her small surburban town.
She walked out of the large office building and down to the nearest coffee shop.
Albino lept out of his stack of papers and ran behind Nero's desk, getting dangerously close to Nero's face.
"Haven't we had the personal space talk before, Al? Remember, everybody's got a bubble, and you're currently in mine."
"What if Arley spit in my coffee?" softly.
"I'm gonna do more than spit in your coffee if you don't get out of my face." Nero replied in an unnervingley calm voice.
"Nothing you can do can scare me anymore. I can't hurt."
"You would be suprised. You ever been to prison?" Nero asked. "They don't lay a finger on you, but some of the things they say, and that's just the guards. Now the inmates, they do some pretty gnarly shit. This one guy I had as a cell mate for a year, carved his lady's name in his wuh-oh."
Albino stared, sliding his hands over his ears.
"Nero, I don't wanna hear anymore."
"Oh, but we're just getting to the good part. A month later he gets a letter in the mail telling him that his lady left him for a chick, so you know what he does?"
Albino clenched his eyes shut.
"No more Nero, please!"
"That night, he sneaks into my drawer, grabs the ogre claw had been hiding just in case, and he scratched his lady's name off. Do you know what happen if you get scratched by and ogre claw, Al?"
"The area gets an infection, swells up, and usually rots off in a m-matter of days." Albino said.
"That's right, so for the next two days, I had to deal with his screams of pain as his dick slowly rotted off. It was a week before the guards took him to the infirmary."
"Oh Nero, that's disgusting."
"That's going to happen to you if you don't stay out of my personal space."
Albino retreated back behind his stacks of paper and resumed filing the bills and what not.
Arlene backed into the room, carrying the three coffees.
"Albino, your usual white chocolate mocha, blended," she handed the coffee to the odd boy. "Nero, your usual, mud." she set the black coffee on his desk.
I didn't get anything becaause I am on a diet.
"Good, you're starting to look like a blimp." Nero teased, sipping the coffee.
Arlene smiled back.
"I hope you don't mind, I added something extra in your coffee."
Nero set the cup on his desk.
"Albino, from now on, you're in charge of the coffee."
The white haired boy nodded. Nero poured the coffee out into the wastebasket, then looked into the bottom of the cup, where an old bandaid stuck.
"I hate you." he muttered. He threw the cup, hitting the 17 year old girl in the back of the neck.
"Asshole." she said, hiding a smile.
Nero stared up at the cracks in the ceiling.
"That has got to be fixed." he mumbled.
"I'll call a someone tomorrow." Albino sighed.
"Any jobs today, Arls?"
Nero groaned, spinning in his chair.
"I'm so bored!"
Arley sat on the edge of his desk. He glanced at Albino, a smirk plastered on his face.
"I could tll some more stories about my time in prison." he said, tauntingly. Albino glared at the two.
"How'd you end up in prison, anyway?" Arlene asked. Nero leaned as far back as he could, his eyes closed.
"It was crazy. I was seventeen years old and, I was tracking this boggart that had gone on a killing spree. I finally caught him in this carnival. The way I was standing ovr the body with my gun, then when I tried to explain what happened, they looked at me like I was crazy and locked me up for two years. My original sentence was life, but they realized I was telling the truth during the Raid de la Magie. Those were the most fun two years of my life."
"Life for a seventeen year old?" Albio asked.
"I was tried as an adult."
"Why?" Arlene asked.
"Because I asked to be. I'm crazy, remember?"
"You're an idiot. A crazy person wouldn't admit they were crazy."
"What if i didn't know I was crazy and said I was crazy just to be silly, but in realiy, I really am crazy?"
"I-uh-you would-Shut up."
"He got you there, Arley."
Arlene shot Albino a look.
There was a rumble, then an alarm. Nero grinned, grabbing his gun out from the top desk drawer.
"It's probably just an earthquake." Albino sighed, working on his papers. The shaking worstened. Arlened pulled up the blinds of the window. The three were soon staring into a large reptillian face.
"Dragon" Arlene said simply. Albino screamed and ran behind the desk with Nero. Nero aimed for the slit pupil and fired. Arlened leapt back as the glass shattered, sending the dragon into a pained fury.
Nero drew a much larger gun from under the desk, firing it like a cannon, exploding through the beasts skull.
"Easy as pie. The other guys can handle pickup." Nero said, satisfied with his work. He dropped the gun back onto the floor.
"Don't you think that was a little too easy?" Albino asked, piopping back out from under the desk.
Arlene looked out of the broken window.
"Arley, what's wrong?" Albino questioned worriedly.
"Nero just killed a hatchling."
"Momma should be coming up soon." Nero beamed. "This is gonna be one hell of a fight. Arley, quick, grab Snuff!"
Snuff was the name of one of the customs that Albino made for big monsters. It was a rocket launcher made to pierce diamond, perfect for a large dragon like the one to were soon staring into a single eye. Arlene grabbed the gun, loaded, aimed it, and fired, splattering brain all over the city. The blast from the gun was extremley powerful, Arlene into aa wall and knocking her unconcious.
"Al, call a doctor. And a contractor. We need someone to fix this wall."
Nero hoisted Arlene into his arms and laid her onto his desk.
"Damn kid. I told her to grab it, not fire it."
Then, there was the biggest quake of them all.
"Daddy." Albino squeaked.
Nero ran for the arsenal, but there wasn't enough time.
"You'll be fine on your own." he said calmly, grabbing Arlene off of the desk and hoisting her over his shoulders. Daddy let out a great roar, before slamming into the base of the building with his tail. Nero lept ot the window and down the eight story building, landing safely on his feet.
There was a large bang and the monster dropped, collapsing the building even more.
"Hey Nero! What's wrong? Can't take down a freakin' lizard?" a familiar voice called.
"Haha. Real funny Cecil."
Cecil and Nero had been rivals since the Raid of Mythics, when they both became legal monster hunters.
"Looks like you're out of an office building too." Cecil snickered. "Who's the freak? Your pet or something?"
"She works for me."
"It's a she?" Cecil snorted. Arlene's eyes flickered open, but she remained silent. "She's an it. You wanna see a real woman?"
Arlene had a knot in her stomach.
"Yvette!" Cecil called. Yvette was a tall blonde with short shorts, a low cut shirt, and what Cecil had once described as a rack made in heaven. She was model status.
"So, how much did she cost, and does her pimp know you have her?"
"You are calling me a hooker no? You are sure zat zat is a female you have on your shoulders? It looks more to me like a mutt!"
Nero could feel Arlene tensing up, and smiled.
"Arley's more of a woman that you'll ever be."
"You are funny. Look at zat hair, and she has not body fat, not features. Look at her! She can't even fight!"
"If that's how you see me, I think you'll blush a pretty pink when I kick your ass."
"Oh, it wakes!"
Nero helped Arlene to her feet.
"I don't have time for zis. Come Cecil." The two walked off. Nero and Arlene turned to face the crumpled building.
"Shit. This is my fault, isn't it?" Arlene asked.
"Naw. Don't worry about it. They were gonna knock it down anyway. I had Al running around just to freak him out."
Arlene stared down.
"Cheer up kid. It wasn't your fault. Don't worry about it."
The dark eyed girl walked back into the rubble.
"Arley, if it's about what those two fucktards said, they don't know what the hell they're talking about."
"I need a break." she muttered. "I'm not feeling well."
"Don't stress it. Get home, get to bed, sleep it off, and come back when you feel better."
He aimed a hidden handgun right past Cecils head and fired. Cecil turned around, hitting Nero in the shoulder. Arlene cocked her magnum, blowing Cecil's arm off. Yvette screamed and ran for cover. Cecil picked his arm off of the ground and turned tail.
"What did you say about Arley not able to fight?"
"I meant fist fight!" Yvette cried back.
Arlene grinned, handing Nero her gun.
"Your shoulder gonna be okay, boss?"
"I'm fine. Kick her ass."
Yvette ran out of her hiding spot and stood directly in front of Arlene.
"You can throw the first punch, Yvette." Arlene said. Yvette threw but Arlene moved, grabbed Yvette's arm, and slung the girl to the ground, then sat on her.
"Arley, you dan't have enough body weight to keep her down, just cut her hair and go!"
Yvette started screamming and squirming. Arlene pulled a pocketknife from her back pocket, grabbed a handful of Yvette's hair, and ripped through it, before returning to Nero's side. Yvette lay on the ground, screaming and crying.
"Still feelin' shitty?" Nero asked.
The girl nodded, her eyes focused on the ground.
"Then get to the apartments (if they're still standing) and lay down." he handeed her the magnum. "I have to see a doctor about a bulletlodged in my shoulder."
"You're going to have Albino pull it out, aren't you?"
"He doubles as a doctor."
Arlene shook her head in annoyance.
"You're a certified idiot." she teased.
"And you, are a certified bitch. Now go home. I'm gonna dig Al out."
Arlene nodded and went on her way, Magnum in hand. Nero saw Albino's arm, grabbed it, and yanked it, and only the arm out of the pile. Soon the rest of the body rejoined the arm.
"You left me in there!"
"You can't die. Arlene can."
Albino rolled his eyes.
"Can you pull a bullet out of my shoulder?" Nero asked.
"A bullet? How'd you get shot?"
"I shot a scare shot at Cecil and he flipped out. Arlene blew his arm off with that magnum you modified for her."
"Sounds like Arley."
"It was funny, now pull the damn bullet out."
"I don't have the proper equipment! I need something to numb the area, a scalpel, and something to sew it up with!"
"Oh you wuss. I'll do it myself."
Nero bent down and picked up a block of wood, biting down on it. He grabbed his own pocket knife and used it to dig the bullet out, biting harder and harder on the wood. He grabbed a piece of twine on the ground, dusted it off, and poked it through his skin, closing the wound.
"Nero! You can get an infection and your arm can fall off and-"
"Stop complaining you pussy. I'm fine."
Albino shook his head.
"You're such an asshole, Nero."
"Then why are you working for me?"
"Because you promised you would reverse the eternal life spell."
"I didn't promise I would, I said I'd try, and that's going nowhere. Why are you really staying here?"
Albino lowered his head.
"Al, why are you staying here? You constantly complain about Arlene and I, we haven't gotten anywhere with your cure, what is is?"
"Cecil was keeping me in a cage, running experiments on me, when you came along and busted me out. I don't want to go back in a cage, Nero! I'm not an animal!"
"You aren't going back there. You part of this-this- whatever this is."
"Sure, whatever. Now c'mon. Arlene's waiting for us at the apartment."
"Arley, we're home!" Nero called. The smell of pizaa wafted through the small living space. Nero went into the kitchen and on the counter was a pizza box, and on the pizza box was a note.
"Nero," Nero read aloud, "I ordered a pizza. If you're reading this, I'm probably at the mall. Be back whenever, don't wait up. -Arlene."
"Great, she's wasting money at the mall. This is just wonderful."
"She's spending her paycheck, not company money idiot."
"She gets a paycheck?"
"Half of what we're paid for a job."
"What about me?"
"You don't kill anything. You're more of an internship."
"Just eat the damn pizza. You're living, right?"
Albino said nothing, simply took a piece of pizza and sat on the couch.
"You should've been paid for the baby and the momma dragon."
"I wasn't hired to kill them. Cecil, i know, was hired to kill the daddy, otherwise he would've just stayed locked up in his luxurious office with, like, a hundred errand boys. I swear to God, the man's a pedophile."
"All the tests..." he mumbled. "No more!"
"No, Al, no more tests. Calm down."
"I'm gonna go work on the new gun." Albino said rushedly, and scurried into his room, slamming the door behind him. Nero sat on the couch and turned on the television.
"A local company of monster hunters took down three dragons today. 28 year old Cecil Abner and his partner Yvette Hughs bravely took the family of monster down by themselves. Here's Cecil now."
Cecil walked onto the screen, holding a familiar gun.
"ALBINO!" Nero screamed. Albino ran out.
"Look what that bastard Cecil is holding."
"This gun was made by our top crafters in our workshop under the office building."
They zoomed in on the gun.
"That's Snuff!" Albino exclaimed.
"Let's see the kids from Nero an co. top that piece of machinery!" the reporter boasted. "Cecil, if you don't mind me asking, what happened to your arm, and why is it in a cast? Did a dragon do that?"
"Oh, no beast can ever lay a finger on me. My rival's partner blasted it off. I think Nero said it was because of some mental condition or something, but it's alright, I forgive her."
Albino and Nero grinned. In the background Arlene watched silently. As soon as she heard the retard remark, she dropped the bags she was carrying, ran up, and smacked Cecil onto the ground. She picked Snuff off of the ground and held it up to the camera.
"This gun was really made by Albino, who we rescued from Cecil. We dropped the first two dragons, and the only reason I blew this piece of" the television beeped "arm off is because he was open firing on my boss, Nero. He did drop the third dragon, but that's only because the lizard downed our building before Nero could grab the big gun!"
"And who are you?" the reporter asked.
"My name is Arlene and I am from the best crew of monster hunters you will ever find, we're currently nameless, but Nero is the one who started it."
"Good advertising." Nero complimented.
"Tell me more about this Albino character. How old is he and what do you mean rescued?"
"Albino is sixteen, and he can't die.I don't know what all happened, because Nero was the one who broke, the poor kid out. Since then he's been our technician, our accountant, and most of all our errand boy. That's all you really need to know."
"What about his name?"
"Are you stupid or something? His name is Albino because he's Albino."
Nero laughed. Albino blushed.
"One last question," the cameraman said. "are you a lesbian?"
The last thing they saw was Arlene's fist colliding with the lense the the technical difficulty screen popped up. Nero and Albino were silent. They suddenly burst into laughter. Arlene came in an hour later. Nero and albino were srtill sitting on the couch, laughing so hard that tears were running down their cheeks.
"You're amazing, Arley!" Albino laughed.
"I like what you did to Cecil!" Nero complimented. "Did you get Snuffy back?"
Arlene dropped the gun onto the ground along with two large bags.
"I looked in the rubble for the rest of the guns, but I think Cecil has them." she plopped down between the two on the couch.
"So, my thoughts are to raid the bastard, and get our arsenal back."
"How 'bout I just build better guns. Their security is super tight. They'd snatch you two up before you could grab 'em.
"C'mon man, we're not leting them take credit for your work after they did all that terrible shit to you."
There was an eager gleam in his eyes.
"It's settled. At midnight tonight, we raid the building."
"This will be fun."
Albino looked tothe bags that Arlene had brought home.
"What's that?" he asked.
Arlene snatched up the bags and threw them into her room.
"You'll see later." she mumbled. She sat back between Nero and Albino. Nero looked down at her.
"You look sad." he said. Arlene shook her head. "Yes you are, don't lie to me. I'll kill you."
She hid a smile. Albino grinned.
"C'mon kid, don't make me pistol whip the smile into you."
Arlene stared, wide-eyed. Nero drew his hidden pistol, holding itt by the muzzle. Arlene instantly forced a smile.
That night Arlene and Nero snuck into the large office buildind belonging to Cecil, only to meet total disaster.
"Doyou even know where we're going, Nero?" Arlene sked, unamused at crawling around in the vents."
"Not a clue."
"You're kidding me."
"You act like I've been in here before."
They kept crawling.
"Arlene, why are you so pessimistic? You and Albino both. I don't get it."
"It's kind of easy when your boss most of the time is a lazy moron, who won't spring for a decent office building."
"There are downsides to big office buildings too, yunno. You never know when someone's crawling around in your vents, stealing weapons from you."
"You're not funny Nero!"
"I'm not trying to be." the man laughed. Arlene scowled.
"Why can't you, for once in your life be serious?"
"Stop complaining. It's not like I'm treating you like a slave. I'm not a bad boss."
"No, but you sure as hell are annoying the shit out of me right now. Why don't you go back to the quiet angry Nero?"
"Will you stop bitching at me. I'm just trying too lighten things up."
"You sure aren't helping that, idiot."
Nero swung around.
"You listen tome, I'm the boss, you'll do what I say. I don't give a shit what you think or what you feel, or what you say. You don't want me to be nice Nero any more? Then it's a done deal. Shut the fuck up and let's keep going."
"Don't be such a prick, Nero."
"You can't make up your mind, can you, you useless dyke!"
The both fell silent and stared at eachother for a moment.
"Save it. I'm going home and writing my resignation. I promise I'll be out by Monday."
She turned and crawled away. Guilt stung at Nero's heart, but he pressed on through the large metal vents, trying hard not t make a sound. He looked through the slats of a grate and smiled, staring at his prize. He was now in the vents of the arsenal, whicha was locked from the outside. Nero dropped down, gathering his guns and a few extras, then climbed back into the grates and made his way back. It took him hours, but he finally made it out, unseen and unheard. He sprinted back to the apartment, arms bursting with weaponry. He kicked in the door and dropped the guns in the middle of the floor.
Albino sat on the couch, staring at a piece of paper.
"Hey, Al," Ner said, snapping his fingers. Albino looked up. "Where's Arlene? I pissed her off and I want to apologize."
Albino handed Nero the piece of paper in a solemn silence.
"Nero and co. " Nero read aloud. "You thought you could outsmart us and take our weapons, but we just happened to catch a rat who was trying to escape the trap. If you want your dear Arlene back, first you have to give back what is rightfully ours. A certain white haired immortal boy. We will meet sunrise monday morning with your answer, but for now, she will be a splendid lab rat."
Nero crumpled the note and let it fall onto the ground.
"This is my fault. I lost my cool. She wouldn't have been captured if it weren't for me."
"I looked through the bags she bought." Albino said quietly, ignoring the fact that his freedom was once again on a ledge. He took the two bags and dumped them onto the sofa. Skirts, colorful blouses, all clothes feminine laid on the chair. "Why do you thin she bought 'em?" he asked. Nero's face saddened.
"She doesn't think she's girly enough 'cause of shit people tell her."
"What did you tell her?" Albino inquired. Nero let out a heavy sigh.
"I-" he sighed again. "I called her a dyke."
The next thing he felt was the impact of Albino's fist in his face.
"You asshole! You know how girls are!"
"Yes, Albino, I know."
"Then why'd you do it?"
"I don't know! I was pissed!"
Albino sook his head. His face fell to a mixture of fear and sadness.
"Are you going to give me to them?" he asked. Nero shook his head, loading thee arsenal onto his body, with snuff strapped to his back.
"I'm going out. Don't wait up." he said, grabbing a key off of the key hook hanging by the door. He climbed into a sleek black car, started it, then blazed out onto the street, once again leaving Albino alone. This was the first time the boy would go against anyone's orders. He grabbed another key off of the hook, then hopped onto Nero's motorcycle, armed with a single pistol, and shot off after Nero.
Nero didn't slow when he approached the building. Instead hee sped up, taking a sharp turn, and driving the car through the office window, and kept going until a wall fell on top of it and it could go no further. Nero climbed out a back door and stepped in the middle of the now empty lobby.
"Cecil!" he screamed. "Cecil, you get your cowardly ass out here right now! There is no way in hell I am dragging Albino into this!"
"Cecil! You better tell me where the hell my partner is before I have to find you and beat it out of you!"
"Oh c'mon kid, you're ruining all of the fun!" cecil laughed, sauntering down the stairs. A dark figure stalked behind him, silently.
"Where the hell is Arlene?" Nero snarled. Cecil smirked. The dark figure walked out into the light, brown eyes glistening.
"Arley." Nero said in disbelief. "Arley, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
"Nero, it's too late for that."
"Arlene, please, we can talk about it at home?"
"I am home, Nero."
Nero was taken aback.
"N-no, Arlene, you're kidding me. You can't work for Cecil, he's a worthless bastard, you said it yourself."
"Just go, Nero. I don't want to fight you."
"So the note was just a trick so you could have the both of them."
Cecl smiled and nodded.
"If it's any consolation, I haven't laid a finger on her."
Nero stared at Arlene in shock, disgust and most of all, hurt.
"Arley, you can't do this. Please, give it a second thought."
"Why should I? I'm just a stupid dyke, right?"
"No, you're a certified bitch, just like I'm a certified idiot. Arlene, you-" he took a deep breath and stopped.
"I what, Nero?" she asked, softening.
"You're beautiful." he said quickly, before dropping his sight to the floor. "You're strong, you're quick on the trigger, you can think on you're feet, without you, the team is nothing. I need you, Arley. Albino and I both do."
"Sorry, Cecil, you're going to have to find a new scout." Arlene said, joining Nero at his side. Cecil drew a gun, aiming it at Arlene, but dropped dead before he could pull the trigger. In the doorway stood Albino, holding a smoking pistol. Nero smiled.
"Anyone up for pizza?" the dark haired man asked. The other two nodded. Nero backed the car out of the wall and parked, allowing Arlene to climb in the driver's seat. Albino mounted the bike once again, and the trio once again headed to the apartment and ordered a large pepperoni pizza.