Lost World

By Amber Nelson Saturday October 23, 2010

How dare you?

Pretend to care

I smile for this family day in and day out

I cry for this family

I would do anything for them

I would hold in every last one of my emotions if it made them happy

I would break myself

Over

And over

Again

If it made it better

And you tear down all my hard work

Tear the seams of this broken family

So fuck you

For breaking my world and taking my last

Hope

How dare you?

You fucking bitch

I hope you read these words

And know what I feel

As I lie to myself trying to convince myself I'm pretty

I write

No crave my heart out in every word I write,

Every picture I paint

Every thought I paint

Sobbing I look at my horrendous art

I see the way you pretend to care

To busy wrapped up in your little world

I thought I was your world

My music is pounding in my ears

I hear footsteps racing towards me

But there is nothing there

Paranoia fills me

I'm shaking scared I see shadows

From the corner of my eyes

Watch them move as I turn my head

I feel bugs crawl on my skin

I brush air away

I'm breaking down

My room's too hot

My room's too cold

I remember the looks you give me

Doubting yourself about my sanity

Doubting if I'll live past this day

But you'll need me one day

But I won't be here

This isn't a suicide note

I just need you

Someone

Anyone

To know

What I know

The bugs come faster

I scratch at my skin

I wish for my blade

As I try to tear apart my room

I'm lost to you and this world