|Shoot Me Now
Author: FlamingInk57 PM
First I find out that my stepdad has a brother three years older than me, now I find out he's going to be living with us. It dosen't help that he drives me crazy in more than one way.Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 17,891 - Reviews: 83 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 73 - Updated: 12-20-12 - Published: 02-16-11 - id: 2891766
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Summary: First I find out that my stepdad has a brother three years older than me, now I find out he's going to be living with us. It dosen't help that he drives me crazy in more than one way.
Chapter One- He's Not My Uncle
"I like big butts and I cannot lie, you other brothers can't deny, that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung…"
Oh shit… I spun round on my heels to face none other than my mom, my stepdad, my sister and some 'random dude'; must I add, a very good looking 'random dude.' They were all standing at my bedroom door. My mom had her eyebrow raised and the stranger looked highly amused.
"Well mom, you caught me," I started. "You finally know my big secret. I like big butts. Just can't get enough of them," I finished, causing my mom and Jack (my stepdad) to give me a disapproving looks. I eyed the stranger who looked about twenty. He was leaning against the side of my doorway smirking.
"Dorothy Eloise Jackson that is certainly not appropriate." I scowled at my full name. Why did my mom give me one of the most boring names in history? Why couldn't I have got given a name like… 'Spiky.' Okay maybe not but still, did I have to have such an old fashioned name. I was named after my great great grandmother.
"Sorry mother, I just thought that you deserved to know the truth," I stated, smirking at my mom. Then the stranger decided to butt in.
"What your daughter is trying to say is that she is a lesbian," he said, staring straight at me with amused eyes. It took me a second to realise what he just called me.
He called me a fucking lesbo (Not that I had anything against lesbians). I heard my snotty sister chuckle. I glared at her plastic face then turned back to the random dude.
"Ha ha very funny," I said sarcastically. "Now can someone tell who the fuck this dude is?" I snapped, causing my mom boil up in anger.
"Dotty, don't you dare use that rude language in my house." Does my mother not even care that the asshole just called her daughter a lesbian. I ignored my mom and stared at the guy, awaiting an answer. I also took the time to… inspect him.
He was gorgeous with his golden blonde hair, sky blue eyes and tanned skin...
Just kidding, blonde hair and blue eyes, in my opinion, sucked ass.
I had never seen a guy with his eyes before. They were a deep blue colour that almost looked black. His messy dark red hair was swept to the side and fell over one of his eyes. His features were strongly chiselled but almost delicate and he had pale skin which contrasted perfectly with his dark hair.
Damn him for looking so good.
"Have you finished checking me out yet?" I clenched my fists and glared daggers at him.
"I was not checking you out you sausage face." Don't even ask where I get these names. He chuckled at my attempt at name calling.
"Well that's a relief because we wouldn't want you to be checking out your own uncle." Wait… What?
Okay this guy was officially bonkers.
"Well that was a hilarious joke," I said, my voice dripping with sarcasm. This guy seriously sucked at telling jokes. Was that the best he could come up with? Jack placed an arm on the guy's shoulder.
"Dotty, I'd like to introduce you to my younger brother, Ash." My mouth dropped as Jack said that. "He's going to be living with us."
"Dude... how old are you?" I asked, now expecting him to be thirty or older. I mean Jack was in his forties.
"I'm twenty one." Okay, so I was wrong. This didn't make sense. He some how read my mind and explained, "My mom decided to have me in her late forties."
"And she had me when she was eighteen," Jack added. That made a lot more sense but was still really weird. Why did this Ash dude have to come and live with us and spoil my happy times? Couldn't he live with his mom or some other person. Judging by the fact this is the first time I've heard of Jack's brother, Ash is clearly not close to Jack; so why take him in? Did I not get any say in this moving in buisness, it's bad enough having to live with my annoying half sister, Helena- who had now dissapeared out of sight. How odd.
Just then the doorbell rang.
"Well I'd love to stay and chat about families and shit but I gotta run," I said, already hurrying past them and out of my room. Sadly I didn't get very far.
"Wait a minute young lady, where are you hurrying off to, we're going to spend some quality time with your uncle Ash now," my mom said. Who the hell cared about making this jack ass feel welcome? He was the one who called me a lesbian.
"Well mom, first of all, lets get one thing absolutely clear," I said. "He. Is. Not. My. Uncle," I said nice and slowly so she could understand the words that were coming out of my mouth.
"That hurt," Ash said with fake sadness. I ignored him and continued.
"Now I'm going to the park with Sam for a kick about," I told my mom. The door bell rang again. "That's Sam at the door."
"Well tell Sam you can't go."
"But mom, it will only be like twenty minutes." I groaned when my mom shook her head and made me stay at the house. Then Ash decided to butt in. Again.
"Seriously Kate, I really don't care. I would much rather just explore this town right now." For once he was actually being nice. Maybe I judged him too quickly. "Besides I don't particularly want to hang around kids all day." Err... I take that back. Who was he calling a kid? He was only three years older than me.
"Dude, I'm eighteen, I'm not a kid." Just then I heard the familiar music from an ice cream truck. I started jumping up and down excitedly screaming "Ice cream."
"Yea... really mature," I heard Ash say under his breath but I was too excited to care. I ran downstairs and out the door before anyone could say anything.
"Hi Sam. Bye Sam" I said as I opened the door and ran straight past him. I heard him laugh as I sprinted towards the ice cream truck before the little kids got there. I just got in front of this little midget girl.
"Hey, you pushed in," she snapped angrily.
"No midget, I got here first," I said, sticking my tongue out at her. The little girl glared at me and I smirked at her as I was now at the front of the queue. Ice cream... drool...drool....drool. Right before I could open my mouth to ask for my beautiful ice cream the little midget cut my happiness short.
"Mr 'Ice cream man,' this girl pushed in." Oh the little snitch.
"No I didn't," I shot back.
"Yes you did."
"No I didn't."
"Yes you did."
"NO I DIDN'T," I shouted.
"That's enough young lady," the Ice cream dude snapped. "You girl," he said, referring to me. "Go to the back of the line." What did I do wrong?
"But that's not fair," I whined.
"No buts," he said. I gave up and stomped over to the back of the line.
"Damn little midgets and their stupid big mouths," I muttered furiously to myself.
"Getting a little bit to worked up over a five year old," I heard a voice say from behind me. I glared at the annoying red head. Sam was standing next to Ash chuckling.
"That little snitch is such a big fat liar," I started ranting. "I clearly beat her to the truck and she just couldn't take losing. I just think that the Ice cream dude was being completely biased considering he didn't even see what happened-"
"Is she always like this?" Ash asked Sam, completely ignoring me. Sam laughed and nodded his head.
"Dotty always gets into fights with little kids, partly because she still is one," he explained, as if I wasn't there.
"Shut up Sam." They ignored me.
"There was this one time when she shoved a kid's face in his birthday cake because he refused to give her a piece," Sam said.
"That was like one time and I blame that on starvation," I defended.
"Well you're not going anywhere near my cake," Ash said, smirking at me. This guy was really beginning to infuriate me.
"Shut up raisin brain." Take that asshole.
"So he's your uncle?" Sam asked. I had convinced my mom to let Sam stay and have dinner. We were now lying on my bed after having too much ice cream. I had no idea where Ash had gone as he just left after the ice cream incident.
"No idiot!" I snapped. "He most certainly is NOT my uncle." I love my best friend but some times he was just too stupid. "He's Jack's younger brother."
"Why is he staying here?" Jack had filled me in about Ash after I had my ice cream.
"Apparently he dropped out of college and his mom refused to let him come back." Not that I'm defending him or anything, but his mom was kind of out of order doing that. I've never met Jack's mom, Marion, as Jack and his mom had a falling out years before he met my mom.
"Suck to be him?" Actually it sucks to be me as I have to live with the jack ass.
"Anyways enough talk about loser boy. What's been going on with Casey?" I asked, changing the topic. Casey was Sam's recent love interest at the moment and he had been trying to work up the courage to ask her out.
"Well… I asked her out." My eyes widened in excitement.
"And…" I said hopefully. I was really hoping this would work out as Sam had been heart broken after his last girl friend cheated on him so he deserved a nice girl.
"Turns out she's not into dudes." I stared at Sam in shock. I never pegged Casey as gay. I guess people can surprise you.
"Sucks to be you man." We lay back in a comfortable silence and let our thoughts take over.
Ash hadn't returned home for dinner which was kind of stupid considering the whole dinner was for him. Way to make a good impression on my mom. Sam had left shortly after dinner and it was now midnight and I was still wide awake. The rest of the family had already retired off to bed. Jack was in a foul mood as his brother hadn't even bothered to call, and only left a small text message saying "Don't wait up."
I was halfway through a horror movie on television when I heard footsteps from behind. I suddenly started to panic. Shit, it's a murderer coming to strangle me to death. I grabbed the nearest weapon and counted to three. One...Two...Three! I jumped onto the murderer and started to attack him with the weapon I had yet to identify.
"What the fuck-" I heard the murderer say. I suddenly halted my weapon. Then it hit me, Ash had said he'd be back late.
"Ash?" I whispered loudly. I couldn't see his face properly even though I was basically straddling him but I could make out his dark hair.
"Right here," he replied, in an annoyed voice. I jumped off him quickly and hit the lights. He was now stood up and staring at me with a confused expression.
"What's with attacking me with banana?" Wait… banana. I looked down at the weapon I was holding and discovered it was in fact a banana. I sure did pick the deadliest weapon.
"Err… sorry, I kinda thought you were a strange scary dude coming to kill me." There was a moment of silence before Ash burst out laughing.
"It's not funny," I said, crossing my arms in anger.
"You are a weird one." I took in his appearance, he looked worn out and his hair and clothes were a mess.
"Where have you been all this time?" I asked curiously. He smirked at my question and walked up to me.
"That is none of your concern kid" I glared at him which only made him more amused. Who's he calling 'kid?'
"Whatever fish face!" Before he could comment on my lame comeback, I jumped back on to the couch and resumed watching the horror film. I groaned when I felt the couch sink down. I turned my head towards the annoying red head.
"Don't you have anything else do?"
"Sorry, do you mind, I'm trying to watch," he replied rudely. I was so close to punching this idiot. Instead of resulting to violence I instead decided to ignore him and became engrossed in the film again. As soon and the freaky 'grudge' woman popped out onto the screen I burst out laughing. I felt a pair of blue eyes on me. I quickly stopped laughing and stared back at him. He looked confused by my sudden outburst
"What… it's funny," I explained. He gave me a 'you're crazy look,' and went back to watching the movie. Ten seconds later I burst out laughing again.
"I've never met a girl laughs instead of screams at horror movies," he said to me after I laughed for the fifth time.
"Dude I can't help it, I mean come on, did you hear the noise she made," I said, mimicking the retarded noise. I was referring to the weird noise the 'grudge' made. It kind of sounded like a blocked toilet.
"Yeah I did, it's damn freaky." This dude was talking nonsense.
"No it's freaking hilarious," I corrected him.
"You are one strange girl." I don't think that's a compliment.
"And you my friend, smell like a bus." Ooh I'm good.
So, what do you think dudes. Reviews would be awesome!