|Delivered Straight to Your Door
Author: eurytideslhy311 PM
Andrew didn't know the love of his life was the man he'd been delivering pizzas to for months after the creep had first answered the door with "I love you, can I f*** you?" This wasn't fate. This was because Jason had memorized Drew's work schedule. M/MRated: Fiction M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 39,908 - Reviews: 168 - Favs: 199 - Follows: 99 - Updated: 08-04-11 - Published: 03-05-11 - Status: Complete - id: 2896430
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Full Summary: Andrew didn't realize he had been delivering pizzas to the same guy for weeks until Jason answered the door with his confession of undying love: "I love you, can I fuck you? Please?" Drew didn't realize this complete creep was actually the love of his life until much later. But this wasn't fate or destiny. This was because Jason had memorized Drew's work schedule.
A/N: So, despite being a major sci fi nerd, I've never seen star wars (which my friends have all given me shit for).But someone pointed out that the lines I used at then end of last chapter were used in star wars. Who knew?
I guess love has been done so many times it's hard to not have it be cliché.
but then i started worrying about it, so i'm just letting people know, I didn't mean to rip off of anyone else. I can only be so original! Don't sue me, I have NO money. seriously.
Ah, if Jason was a star wars fan, I could see him making Drew cosplay as princess lela (sp?)… Or maybe just imagining it, because Drew just isn't a fan of cross-dressing and i just don't see him giving in on that. Although when imagining what I would do for the epilogue, I did think of a scenario of him surprising Jason by greeting him in nothing but an apron while holding a mixing spoon. Hehe. I think he would do that, grumbling & blushing the whole time, but still.
Ah! It's really actually complete! I feel accomplished.
I'm feeling emotionally attached to this. I don't want to let go, but I must!
I've always been one of those people who gets totally emotional whenever I finish reading something merely because it is the end, even with books that don't have that great of a story. Guess writing works the same way for me..
I've also always been terrible at goodbyes, I've had to make so many! Which I suppose is kinda related.
Now I need to stop rambling and just post this
THANK YOU to all my REVIEWERS & READERS! You have made writing this much, much more enjoyable!
Okay, sappy. i guess i am a sappy romantic deep deep deeeeeeeep down. ugh.
When did this story get so sappy and cute? Honestly, Jason was supposed to hit on drew for a chapter or two, then they'd have angry, violent, clawing, biting, sweaty, passionate sex and it'd be over… and now it's wound up with this
Delivered Straight to Your Door
A strangled shout followed by the sound of several objects crashing to the ground startled Drew from his sleep.
He shot out of bed, racing to the bathroom, his heart plummeting to settle discomfortingly in his stomach. He knew all that grease and cheese would catch up with Jason one day.
If Jason had a heart attack, Drew would strangle him. Then he'd revive him and kill him again.
Panicked, he kicked the door open, freezing at the scene.
Toothbrushes, razors, a comb, soap, and various other bottles were scattered over the floor. Jason was perched on top of the sink, gripping his hair and turning his head back and forth frantically in front of the mirror.
Drew's confused noise was loud enough to gain Jason's attention. He turned his head, a look of total devastation on his face.
Upon seeing Drew, his eyes travelled downwards, fixing pointedly on Drew's crotch.
Andrew glanced down and yelped, snatching a towel off a hook on the wall and wrapping it around his waist.
"Nothing I haven't seen countless times already. Still so modest! You are so cute, Drewski."
"Yeah, yeah," Andrew waved a hand dismissively, "Now what the hell happened. Sounded like you were fucking dying in here. Scared the shit out of me."
Andrew waited for Jason's normal response of 'Oh, you do care!' or 'You were worried about me!' or 'Expressing your love for me with your concern, it brightens my day!'
But Jason merely wailed "I am dying!" melodramatically before clutching the sides of the mirror and moving his head around in front of it.
"I've got grey hair!" He moaned, resting his forehead against the mirror in despair.
Andrew snorted, trying desperately to contain his laughter, placing a hand on Jason's waist. "Here, let me see."
"No. I'm turning into a hideous old man." Jason wrapped his arms around his head protectively.
"It can't be that bad." Drew chuckled, hand running up Jason's back soothingly.
"Don't laugh. It's not funny."
"Then stop sulking like a baby."
"You always get to sulk."
"I don't know why you're complaining now. According to you, I have a 'sexy sulk' and that you love it when I 'pout sullenly'."
"You do look cute when you're being temperamental."
"So will you let me see?"
"Oh, come on. I bet it's not that bad."
"There's a noticeable streak. It's not even like a strand that I can just pluck out anymore. Why didn't I see this coming? It's like, BAM!, overnight I've turned into an old geezer."
"42 is not old."
"It's over the hill."
"These days, 50 is the new 40. Everyone is living longer."
"Yeah, and they all look wrinkly and unattractive while doing it. Speaking of which, haven't you seen my face lately?"
"You have some crow's feet around the eyes, so what?"
"Yeah. And you know what? I-I like them."
"Huh?" Jason perked up curiously, twisting to look at Drew, whose cheeks were tinged pink.
"Y-yeah. Well, it's like, from smiling all the time, you know. Not just smirks and shit… like when you're actually really happy and laughing and your eyes kinda crinkle."
"You make me sound like Santa Claus- jolly eye crinkling... But then… I guess it wouldn't be so bad if you could be my elf, dressed in tights and some cute shorts! And… I'm trying to incorporate the naughty list in this somehow, help me out."
"I hate you sometimes you know."
"That's just 'cause you love me."
"That doesn't make sense at all."
"It's The Wisdom and Knowledge that comes with age." Jason nodded sagely.
"Ah, see, it does have its perks."
"But Drew! You're still so young! What if I lose you as the ravages of old age overtake me? You'll pick up some hot, tight, little twink-"
"Oi! You're the one sounding like you want to bone one, pervert! … And I actually do age each year- just like everyone else on the planet. I'm not perpetually stuck in my early twenties or something. Plus, ten years from now, the age difference will be even less of a problem. It's like practically microscopic now. It'll definitely be non-existent then."
"Ten years! Drew, your proclamations of everlasting love and devotion have become more and more direct over the years. My heart can't take all the affection!"
"Oh, shut it... now where was I?"
"Uh, something about you liking my wrinkles, which I find rather strange. I mean, you obviously have a thing for older guys, but I mean, I never thought it was this extre-"
"Stop being ridiculous. I'm older now, too, and it's really only because it's you, you dipshit. Even if your whole head was grey, I wouldn't care."
"What about when my ass gets all saggy?"
"We're signing up for a gym membership on Monday. Keep these muscles tight as possible."
"…No, really. Are you joking?"
"And! And! More importantly, what about when I can't get it up anymore?"
"Huh? Why are you even worrying about that now?"
"I can hear death knocking on my door. Of course my future is looking dim and short and limp."
"Look, I dunno what to tell you about that, but… imagine two old geezers going at it."
"Ugh! So grrross. That shouldn't be allowed!"
"God, now I can't get the image out of my head."
"Me neither! It's like a train wreck. Like a sign that says don't touch. Like someone saying don't imagine a pink elephant-"
"Bleach. I need- I need to bleach my brain."
"It's still there, isn't it?"
"Like a festering wound in the back of my mind. Help me."
"I've been able to see your hair for the past five minutes or more."
Geriatric sex forgotten, Jason lunged, clutching Andrew's shoulders, eyes boring into his earnestly.
"Tell it to me straight, how does it look?"
"It looks fine."
"Fine?" Jason exclaimed, shaking Drew, "Just fine?"
"A lot of people think that a man with a bit of grey in his hair looks distinguished."
"I want to look hot, not distinguished."
"Even when you hit fifty?"
"Right, sexy then at least."
"That's no problem, don't worry. You are still a veritable sex god. Sexy and attractive, definitely yes. But hot? I mean, that's usually reserved for those 30 and under-"
"I was 33 when I met you!"
"What? I thought-"
"Well, I had turned 34 by the time you realized I existed, which makes it even worse! Did you never even think of me that way?"
"You're a special case. See, already your hotness exceeds most men."
"You're hot and you're over 30."
"Well, at least I know for sure that you get me hot... Damn, we need some impartial panel of judges for this!"
"Yeah, I'm beginning to sense a bit of a bias from the both of us. But, back to your hair 'problem'-"
"Don't air quote it. This is a serious issue."
"-Grey is totally in these days."
"I even saw an infomercial on TV recently. They were selling grey hair-dye. Not silver or some metallic grey or something. Natural grey. Guys are actually dying their hair that way."
"I'm not lying. I guess people find it attractive. Like Richard Gere-esque."
"I never found Richard Gere to be that good-looking."
"Mmmhmm, he is sexy, isn't he?"
"It's the smile. It's so dreamy."
"You made me a little jealous there for a second."
"I know, I couldn't help it."
"Your smile is a lot better than Clooney's."
"There's no need to lie to me about it though."
"Yeah, I know, but it's true. Clooney's smiles are dreamy- like put you to sleep dreamy. Yours are much more exciting and thrilling and heart-stopping and yeah..."
"But he also aged like a fine wine, lucky bastard. A smile can only go so far!"
"I really hope you snap out of this mid-life crisis soon. As annoying as your over-inflated ego is, I prefer it to you acting all insecure like a little girl."
"Hey! mmmmph." Drew pressed his lips harshly against Jason's, done listening to his dramatic, unwarranted self-criticisms.
Ending the kiss, Andrew patted Jason's cheek. "Now, I'm finished with stroking your ego. So go buy a Ferrari or something to help compensate for whatever it is that you think you're lacking but are clearly not while I take a shower."
"Well, then how about stroking my dick instead?" Jason responded, wrapping himself around Drew, both of them stumbling into the bath. A towel and Jason's boxers flew over the curtain a moment later, the boxers landing, quite unfortunately, in the open toilet. "Or I can stroke you. Or we can stroke each other. Whatever works, I'm flexible!"