My Happy Ending

The pain and torture of this type of depression hurt deeper than anything else had before. I was heartbroken. I actually cried last night over him. I never cry; not when my dad died, not when I found out that Mom had cancer, and not when I refused to believe that my life got screwed up over a car wreck… and one girl.

I felt like I was dying, suffice to say.

Heartbroken, I was, when I found out he had a girlfriend. Then it didn't matter, then I didn't love him. What's the big deal?

The big deal was that I knew he was the one. My other half. The big deal was that I could've had him, but I failed… again. The big deal was that I felt like a screw-up.

Naturally, I did have a good life. Nice home, rockin' car, best friends that would never leave my side, a high GPA at school and an early acceptance into Stanford University. But heck, I was sixteen. I had my priorities -high school first, and then collage.

It must have been the depression. That's why thing's were clouded over.

When I was eight, my dad was driving me to ballet. It was across the grade which meant heavy traffic and slow driving. Nine percent grades were NOT my high point.

One stupid idiot had crashed into our little station wagon. My dad didn't have a seatbelt on. He thought he was as invincible as Superman. Naturally, he wasn't and that stupid car crash killed the heck out of him. I suffered major damage, broken ribs, legs, arms, collar bones and some cracks in my skull, but I was alive. I'd lost one of my best friends that day. But I prayed, hoping he would go be with God in heaven.

My cell phone buzzed. Of course, it was HIM.

HEYY, WAT U UP 2

? It read.

NM… JUS THINKN

, was my reply.

Another minute came before his reply.

ABOUT?? o.0

LOTS OF THINGS. I WOULDNT KNOW WARE 2 BEGIN… I replied honestly.

I HAV TIME

, he responded.

MY DAD… AND THIS GUY IM TOTALLY CRAZY BOUT…

I couldn't lie to him. It seemed like an impossibility

When he didn't reply for five full long minutes, I started getting anxious. I bit my lip and played with my hair. My fingers tapped my desk. I kept glancing at my phone, something I always do while I waited for a reply from him. Finally, after it had felt like hours, he responded,

SO U LIKE A GUY?…

YES.

I pressed the keys quickly.

Another minute,

KEWL… I MEAN THAT YOU FOUND SOME1. LUV IS A GREAT THING ONCE U GOT UR HANDS ON IT.

I AGREE, ESPECIALLY WEN U FIND SOME1 WHO GETS U,

I texted back.

This time, he didn't respond at all. I waited and waited for the longest time. Not once did he respond. Anxiety filled my thoughts.

What if he knows I was talking about him? Would that be bad? What if our friendship ceased because he knew I liked him but he didn't feel the same way and there was always an awkwardness in everything I said? I didn't want that. It didn't help that I didn't know if he liked me back. If I only knew….

He didn't reply the rest of the day.

The dreams were vivid. The he was, alone, in a field of pansies, tulips and daisies. He was in a meadow. He was beautiful. Naturally, I walked over to him and sat down. He didn't seem to notice my presence. Right when I was going to say something, he said, "I get you."

I stared at my dreaming version of him. His voice was like silk. Smooth, warm and gentle. I knew he was referring to the text messaging we did when I was awake. I nodded, then reached out my hand to place it in his. "I can't do this anymore," I said, sighing, "I know this is wrong, I know you have a girlfriend but I don't care. I love you."

Before I could see his expression, I was awake again, sitting in my room on a Saturday morning. I thought about him, his arms curling around me, and even feeling it, the surge through my body wasn't something I could've ignored. I knew he wasn't here, but I could feel THAT. I could feel his hand on my neck, pulling my face towards his. And then, his lips brushing against mine. Parting and feeling his warm breath on my tongue. It would be the first time (for me… the first time… ever). The power rising in me was total madness of confidence. These, unfortunately, were only my thoughts running wild.

When I collected myself, I got out of bed to start my day.

My day wasn't turning out as I had planned.

Okay, so watching,

America's Next Top Model was definitely not on my top three favorite days. But this was definitely up very close to that category.

My cell phone buzzes again. It's him.

WAT R U DOIN?

he asked.

WATCHIN TV AND U?

GO OUTSIDE

, was his reply.

Y?

JUST GO… AND HURRY

. he ordered.

Obedient as I was, I obeyed. I walked outside and stood on the porch. There he was, standing, rather leaning, by his Ford Truck. I couldn't breathe.

"Alec, what in the heck are you doing here?" I asked, going down to hug him.

He put his arms around me, "I realized something after that last text message you sent me."

Shock burst through me.

Had I really been that obvious?

"Like?" I asked, my heart pounding a mile a minute as I realized I was actually in his arms.

He released me, and reluctantly, I stepped back.

"I have a problem." he stated.

I was quiet for a few moments. Finally I said, "I want to help."

"I don't know if you can." he said.

"I want to help." I repeated softly.

"How do you want to help me?" he asked.

"I want to help." I said again.

"Shoot, Clar, I didn't drive two hours down here from home just to hear you say that over a million times."

My eyes were tearing up, but I didn't care. "I want to help."

"What do you want to help?" his eyes were teary as well.

This time I didn't say anything, I just looked down at my feet. He was walking towards me. I couldn't breathe. Was this happening? I closed my eyes tight and opened them, more tears spilling over. Nope, this was real.

"What do you want?" he asked, resting his hand on the nap of my neck.

I stayed silent but I looked back up to look in his eyes.

"Screw it!" he said fiercely, enclosing the space between us by pressing his lips to mine.

Electricity pulsed through me. My hands flew to his head, grabbing his hair and pulling his face to mine. His other hand went to the small of my back, pressing me to him. I felt as though I was on fire. This wrong was right. I loved him and he finally loved me. Our lips parted and I could taste his warm sweet breath on my tongue. One of my hands to his cheek to caress it. His lips left mine to trace my jaw and half way down my neck. When his skin officially left mine, we stared at each other, breathing rather hard.

"I want you." I said quietly.

"I know there's more." he said, smiling at me.

"I-I love you."

"And I do love you." his smile grew.

"What about… you know?" I asked, tentatively.

"Over. It's you I want, no matter the distance. I can drive here whenever I want. Two hours, big deal." he said.

"You can have me. I've been waiting for you." I said back, kissing him once again. Depression did NOT win this time. I was happy. I was in love.