|Suze And Dipsie Doggie
Author: Slackitude PM
A young thief is hired to steal a most unusual paperweight. Than again, she's a most unusual thief...Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 4 - Words: 6,408 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 04-24-11 - Published: 04-15-11 - Status: Complete - id: 2907876
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Suze woke up, and remembered the night before. Not all of it, but the highlights. She remembered losing her temper, and terrible violence. She felt sick to her stomach, and she wasn't sure it was all from the beer. She ran to the bathroom and threw up, trying to get that horrible taste out of her mouth. She felt terrible about what she'd become last night. Except for Franklin Bloom. She felt pretty much OK about what she'd done to him.
She got up off the bathroom floor, and flushed the toilet, then brushed her teeth. Her phone was ringing, and according to the caller ID it was Larry The Fence.
"Yes, this is Suze," she said into the receiver.
"Suze, my friend, what trouble did you run into last night?"
Suze gave him a run down on the events of the previous night.
"And you did what to Franklin Bloom?" Larry marveled.
"I spanked him. It seemed appropriate at the time."
"This is very bad news, indeed..." Larry said.
"Well, I'm not going to go apologize to him," Suze said.
"Not that, the Golickis. It sounds like they were waiting for you last night. Like they knew you'd be coming."
Suze had been so wrapped up in her anger and then her guilt at the terrible violence she was capable of, she'd never thought of this.
"But that makes no sense" protested Suze.
"No..." Larry said, "no of course not. Anyway, there is in this matter a slight glitch. I have been unable to get hold of my buyer all morning, despite his previous enthusiasm. I'll give him until tomorrow, since that was the agreed upon date, then I'll start looking for another buyer."
"Thanks, Larry, I trust you on this."
The two got off the phone, and Suze started cleaning up beer bottles.
Larry The Fence was looking for some hint of the Dipsie Doggie robbery on the news and coming up blank. He did find one all news station that had a little piece about Franklin Bloom's statement on his blog. They kept teasing it with a sound bite from back when Bloom was suspected of some shady financial dealings. It was Bloom's voice, saying over and over "Look, I'm just like anyone else, I want what I want when I want it."
Something about this clip bothered Larry. He kept hearing it in the back of his mind. It wasn't the words, it was the tone of voice. Something familiar in that faintly superior yet slightly wheedling voice.
Larry decided to call his buyer again. This time the line was picked up. "Hello?" Came through the phone and Larry put it all together.
Jesus H. Franklin Bloom! Thought Larry, recognizing the voice he had been listening to for the past half hour and had spoken to on the phone so many times before.
"So," Larry said, slowly, "I have your paperweight and can deliver it whenever is convenient for you. Where and when?"
"Will you be making the delivery yourself?"
"I can, yes."
"Will the, uh, the thief be there?"
"Not unless you require it" said Larry.
"No, no, that won't be necessary."
I just bet my sweet black ass it won't be necessary thought Larry Suze is the last person you want to see out there.
"OK," said Larry, "where and when."
Suze woke up the next morning, hung over and naked and pretty sure she'd done something stupid the night before. She glanced across the futon and saw wisps of the girl's blond hair sticking out from under the covers and groaned inwardly. Drunk Suze had a thing for dumb blonds. She had literally done something stupid last night.
Suze got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to make her hang over remedy as she heard her partner begin to stir. She had just finished the drink when she heard the high pitched squeal.
"Oh my GOD, you didn't tell me you were an artist!" The girl had spotted all of Suze's sculptures.
"I'm not, it's just a hobby" said Suze, distractedly, as she gathered up clothing and headed for the bathroom.
"So what do you do?"
"I'm a mover, I move things from where they're no longer appreciated to where they are"
"I have to grab a shower, can you show yourself out?" Suze asked.
"Well, up yours, too!" said the girl, as she began to get dressed.
When Suze came out of the shower, the girl was gone. Suze didn't like being rude but there was little point in trying to develop a relationship with that piece of fluff. Drunk Suze had very poor taste. She had still been trying to get the memory of the other night out of her head, replace the memory of all that violence with something gentle and sweet. But as usual drunk Suze got it all upside down and backwards by picking up a cheap one night stand for some unsatisfying, meaningless sex. It was eleven forty five, Suze was due at Larry's at twelve thirty. She'd be taking Plain Brown Wrapper and giving Larry a ride to the site arranged for the hand off of Dipsie Doggie. Larry had asked her if she were sure her car wouldn't break down. She'd laughed at that. Suze didn't plan on being seen today but she pulled on a red wig, just in case.
Larry found the ride to Master's Steakhouse a little much for his comfort level. Suze was an excellent driver but she tended to ignore posted speed limits and do a great deal of swerving around those who paid attention to them. Suze played oldies on the radio while she drove. Larry hadn't expected that.
"Figured you for more of a hip hop type" said Larry, gesturing at the radio.
"Can't stand the stuff," Suze replied, "I like oldies and some modern jazz, like Caro Emerald."
Larry had never heard of Caro Emerald, but he nodded politely.
Suze pulled Plain Brown Wrapper up across the street from the steakhouse, and Larry prepared to go in.
"All right," he said, "Keep your eyes peeled." And he grabbed the small bag that contained the paperweight and headed into the steakhouse. The meeting was set for five PM and it was four forty five.
At a couple of minutes before five, Ray and Pater Golicki entered Master's steakhouse, with Ray carrying a leather valise. By five minutes after, they had exited without the valise, but with the small bag carrying Dipsie Doggie. Five minutes later Larry came out, with the valise.
"Congratulations," said Suze as Larry got into the car, "you just met the Golicki brothers."
"Thought so," said Larry, "little bastards all but pulled down their pants so we could compare penis sizes. Couple of real sweethearts."
"So what the Hell is going on?" Suze asked.
"I think you were only supposed to be entertainment for the Golickis"
"I don't think they were all that entertained"
"Well," Larry let out a sigh, "I can't allow this. Franklin Bloom put my operative at risk, knowingly and deliberately, and played me for a fool. He has to pay for this."
"What will you do?" asked Suze as she started Plain Brown Wrapper.
"I know a guy who owes me a big favor, he knows a guy who owes him a huge favor. This second guy is one of the single scariest men I have ever met. He will pay a little visit to Franklin Bloom and the Golickis and explain to them about manners and how important they are in a polite society."
It was a warm Spring day, but Suze shuddered a little. "I don't think I want to know too much about that" she said.
"On to happier topics," said Larry, "I have here your money, which ought to be cause for celebration. And my praise. You did a good job on this. I was in a quandary who to place in this unusual job and then you came along and it seemed like a perfect fit. It was."
"Thanks, so am I your quirky jobs person now?"
"You are indeed my friend Suze. You are indeed."
A couple of weeks later, Suze was in her studio apartment, putting the finishing touches on Dream girl, when Larry The Fence called.
"I have something for you," his rich bass boomed over the phone.
"What's that?" asked Suze.
"Franklin Bloom was so anxious to show that he realized the error of his ways that he surrendered Dixie Doggie unto me. I sold it at a healthy profit and I figure that money is half yours."
"Wonderful!" said Suze. "A person could get used to these sort of paychecks, working for you."
"Ah that reminds me," said Larry, "I got a job, looks like a 'you' kind of job..."