Author: Who Is This Girl Anyway PM
A little girl's monologue to her mother after tragedy tears them apart. Rated T for upsetting content.Rated: Fiction T - English - Words: 817 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Published: 04-28-11 - id: 2911154
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Don't cry, Mummy.
You don't cry as much now when you come to see me. Just sigh and look sad and put in new flowers. Does that mean you're forgiving me? Does that mean you still love me?
I didn't want to leave, Mummy. I know you said not to go out on my own, but I only went around the corner. I thought it would be OK if I went to see Kelly. I didn't mean to make you cry, Mummy, I didn't. I don't like it when you cry. You were happy before. You used to shout sometimes, when I'd been very naughty, but you didn't cry. You only started crying after I didn't look.
Stop. Look. Listen. Live. I've learned it now. I only forgot once. I didn't forget again I hurt myself. But don't worry, Mummy- my head doesn't hurt any more, and I look both ways every time now, and I listen. I never do it wrong ever, you'd be so proud of me!
It hurt my head a lot, but then I just felt floaty. Did you know you feel floaty when you die? Grandad said he felt floaty a lot when he was in hospital with the big C(what's the big C, Mummy?), so maybe it always happens. I still feel funny. Nice funny, not bad funny. Sort of... light, like I don't have to stay here. Sometimes I don't. When I'm not here, I go to the Happy Place with Grandad. You'd love the flowers there! Red and blue and yellow and every other colour in the world covering the floor like a big rainbow. It's mainly just old people there, but there are other kids there too. It's really good fun, we get to do whatever we want to!
I like the flowers today, Mummy. I like the daises and the foxgloves and the pink ones- they look like angel's wings in the pictures. I've got some like that now. They're pink, Mummy! Grandad said that we get whatever colour we want. His are white and yellow, like a lemon top. We got those at the seaside, do you remember? I dropped mine in the sand, so Daddy gave me his. And he let me bury him in the sand all the way up to his neck! You laughed at him, do you remember, Mummy?
Why do me miss me, Mummy? I'm still here. I wish you could see me. You might feel happier if you knew I was happy. I don't like it when you pull that face. Your mouth is too frowny now. Please don't be sad because you can't see me anymore. I'm still here.
Oh, and will you call the baby Daisy when she's born? I spoke to her a few times- she likes Daisy. She can't wait to meet you and Daddy. She says she's going to have yellow hair when she's bigger, like mine was. A bit darker, though, like yours.
I'll be the best big sister ever. Just because I'm not alive doesn't mean I can't look after her. I'll keep an eye on her when you're busy, I'll make her smile when she's getting bored. She's never going to be sad for a minute. I'll take the best care of her, I promise!
What do you mean, Goodbye, Mummy All right, Grandad said I had to be back in the happy place before it got dark anyway. Oh, and he asked me to tell you he isn't coughing anymore. You aren't waving back, but that's OK. I know you would if you could see me. Sometimes you screw your eyes up, as though you saw me, but then your glasses go foggy and you run off. Daisy told me she reaches up to hold your hand sometimes when you do that- she doesn't like it when you're sad. It makes us sad too. I have to go soon, Mummy, but will you do something for me, please? Will you try to be happy for Daddy and Daisy? Will you smile again? I don't want you to be sad anymore. I'm not hurting now. I'm safe. Grandad's looking after me. I don't want you to cry, please. I want you to be happy.
I love you.