Realization

Chapter One

"I don't love you as a Mate, I never have. I hope you can learn to forgive me Saphiraph..." She stared at the male in front of her, eyes flowing with bloody tears as she felt her heart shatter and her soul become so very cold. "S... Shadow... Why?" He looked away from her his hands in his pockets, black hair covering his white and red eyes from view. "Things change..." "BUT NOT THE LOVE YOU COULD HAVE AS A MATE SHADOW! YOU PROMSED ME THAT YOU LOVED ME AND THAT YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS TO ME LIKE OTHERS HAVE!" He looked to her, his eyes slightly annoyed yet with held pain. "I'm sorry..." Saphiraph stared at the Shadow she loved so much and didn't want to believe this was all happening. Lately she knew it was going to happen, you see. Saphiraph had a way with looking into someone's soul and her dreams showed "visions" of the futrure, present, or past. Last night... She saw this happening.

Shadow then started to pack his things into his suit cases silently but had no choice but to look up when a small tiny whine came from the bedroom door. He frowned cursing under his breath seeing his daughter Beth in the middle of the doorway in her pale blue nightgown holding onto to her blanket.

Her golden yellow eyes were wide and filled with tears, ears laid back atop her blackish brown hair, tail pinned against her leg. Saphiraph heart burst with pain from turning seeing her beloved little one over heard the conversation, going to Beth, Saphiraph picked up her baby girl and held her close whispering how everything would be okay. But she knew Beth was smart and didn't believe her as she watched her father go back to packing his things. "Come on little one... Let's get you back into bed." Saphiraph said as she slowly made her way down the hall toward Beth and Sai's room.

Sai was fast alseep in his twin bed, under his warm covers, all you could tell of him was his black tail which twitched out from under the covers randomly. "M..Mommy..." Saphiraph could only flinch at the fear in her daughter's voice. "Go back to sleep Beth... Please...," she nearly begged, retucking Beth into her bed. "But..." "Shhh..." Saphiraph kissed her forehead holding back her tears so Beth wouldn't be able to see them. "Go to sleep. I'll explain in the morning," she said gently stroking her daughter's head. Beth only nodded silently turning on her left side facing the wall to go to sleep again. Saphiraph slowly got up and closed the door to their bedroom walking back into her own room which she used to share with Shadow. "You're really going to leave... When you have two children... ..." 'And another on the way...' He stopped packing staring at his hands it seemed like before looking up at her only to pack again. "I told you. I can't be with someone I don't love."

She snapped having him instantly up against the wall, her claws dug deep into his chest and neck. "WELL EXCUSE ME IF I THINK YOU'RE LYING! IF THAT WAS TRUE THEN WAY DID YOU STAY IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Trying to breath he squeaked out, "To..Make...Happy..." "HAPPY! You Call THIS HAPPY!" Saphiraph's eyes were a bright crimson red, if looks could kill Shadow would have been dead.

She released him stepping away unable to stand his prensense after hearing the whole truth. "Pack your shit and get the fuck out of my house." Shadow said nothing as he walked passed her to continue packing, took him no less than ten minutes before he was loading things into his friend's car. "Thanks Dracono, sorry for waking you up but my car is in the shop." Shadow said opening the door to his best friend's car. "No problem Shadow. After all what are bros for right?" "Yeah... Right." Shadow was looking out the window, when he happened to glance into the rear view mirror causing his ears to pin against his head. "You think she'll be okay?" Dracono looked at him then in the rear view mirror seeing Saphiraph close the door and walk into the kitchen a broken wreck, grabbing something. "I hope so... I really do Shadow..." Shadow fell silent also watching knew exactly what she was doing, but didn't have the balls to get out of the car and stop her like he used to. "... ... Yeah... Me too..."

Saphiraph watched as Shadow and Dracono loaded his things into the car, standing silently she wished, hoped that he would turn around and see that he was making a huge mistake. But not once did Shadow look at her, nor speak to her. She slowly watched as her wolf spirit howled in sorrow and pain trying to run after Shadow's wolf spirit which she saw was trying to run to hers as well. But it was too late... They were too far apart and were stuck on the other side of a river that neither one could cross. Turning and closing the door while locking it, she instantly began to cry all over again but ten times harder.

Going to the kitchen she opened a drawer and grabbing a knife, slowly bringing it across her left arm. She slowly walked up the stairs to her guest room and bath, unable to go into her own room. Starting the water Saphiraph stripped out of her skin tight low waist boot cut jeans, her black tank top and under wear. Sinking deep into the tub Saphiraph grabbed the knife and began to cut at her thighs, "I knew it... I knew it was too good to be true... To actually be loved by someone who loves you for you, flaws and all... What a stupid idiot I was to believe such a thing that doesn't fucking exist."

Saphiraph lost how long she was in the tub that was now red with her blood, slowly getting up her gashes on her thighs were fully healed leaving nothing but a thin line of a scar. But not on her chest... The x on her chest was still bleeding, always does whenever she is harmed in anyway. Letting the water out and watching her life's blood run down the drain she heard her cellphone going off. Someone was calling her, wrapping herself in a body length towel she walked to the bed looking at the caller I.D seeing Dracono's name flashing. 'What does he want...?' Clearing her throat Saphiraph answer, "Hey." She cursed at her own voice hearing the weakness. "Are you going to be okay Saph...?" She inwardly sighed hearing his worry for her, sitting on the bed she answered his question with no emotion in her voice. "No Dracono... I'm not ever going to be okay..."