|Talking About Nothing
Author: yWrite PM
Two aliens travel from planet to planet to clean up human disasters. But when they come to Earth... Written for a newsletter.Rated: Fiction K - English - Humor - Words: 800 - Published: 05-18-11 - Status: Complete - id: 2915839
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A flying saucer hovered over a yellow planet. A latch opened beneath the ship and out came many metallic spheres. The twenty objects zoomed toward the planet, each separating to a different area.
One of the machines landed in a wasteland. It then rose ten feet off the ground and glided through in the air as if in search of something. The sphere had its own field of vision, including a bar to indicate life forms.
A very skinny man suddenly crawled into the machine's sight, though it was too high up for him to notice. The man was not wearing a shirt. His stick-like arms and his backbone were clearly visible. His back was shiny with sweat.
Far away, another aircraft was in a town full of demolished buildings. There was a faint life signal, but it was coming from nearby. The further the object moved, the stronger the signal became.
A tank loudly rolled through the road. The vehicle suddenly stopped and fired at a building, causing an earth-shattering crash and sending the tower crumbling to the ground.
The life signal instantly disappeared, so the aircraft left the area.
Meanwhile, inside the ship, there was a humanoid sitting in front of a large monitor. The monitor had twenty different screens, all showing life on the planet.
The humanoid selected a particular video and enlarged it.
This video showed a group of people locked in a cage, watching as one person was being beaten by several taller men.
Turning in his chair, the alien pressed a button and leaned toward an intercom.
"Commander, we found another one."
"Okay," a female voice said. "I'll fire the laser."
A satellite dish appeared from the top of the spaceship. A beam of light fired from the dish to the planet, engulfing it in a blue glow.
The starving man suddenly stood up. He looked at his arms and noticed that they were a normal size. A white shirt was covering him now. More importantly, he did not feel hungry anymore.
The buildings from the ruined town were rebuilt and looked brand new. The tanks were gone without a trace.
The cage that was one the monitor was empty, and the tortured man was nowhere in sight.
The flying saucer left the planet, in search for another.
Eventually, the aliens arrived near the planet Earth and sent out more cameras.
One camera looked through an open window of a house to see a middle-aged man watching TV. When a commercial aired, the man sharply sat up in his chair and started ranting:
"A Smurfs movie? Some idiot is actually making a Smurfs movie in 3D? That looks nothing like the cartoon! Kids these days are so stupid for liking this garbage! I'm boycotting this movie!"
Another spherical camera floated over two women sitting on a park bench. A man walked past them. Both women followed him with their eyes and noticed that his jeans were sagging.
"Did you see that?" one woman asked. "I don't know why people think it's cute to have their pants hanging like that."
"I know, right? They need to make some kind of law against people like that. I'd be happy to have that guy thrown in jail for coming outside looking like that."
An aircraft was watching a group of women talking at a salon.
"Did you hear about Betty? You know she's going out with Kyle?"
"Yeah. Ain't that something? He's ten years older than her."
"What does their age have to do with it? If they both love each other, what's the big deal?"
"The big deal is, that makes no sense. How do you fall in love with someone that much older than you?"
Astounded, the alien watching the videos spoke into the intercom.
"Commander, you're not going to believe this. I can't find a single tragedy on this planet."
"Are you sure of that?"
"Yes, ma'am. Everyone here is just complaining about little things like their favorite movies not winning awards, and how other people live their lives, and some guy named Justin Bieber."
"Really? Earth must be a very prosperous planet, then. Every other inhabited planet we've found was full of disasters, like poverty and war. Earthlings must live very well if the most they have to worry about is other peoples' beliefs. Let's find a planet with real problems."
The ship sped off into space.
The moral of the story is, countless people are suffering from serious problems while many of those with the power to help are more concerned with trivial nonsense. Once the general public gets its priorities in order, the world will be a better place.