"You told me we'd be together forever." He said, his eyes welling up as he spoke each word.

"I thought we would be." I said trying to be strong and not let my feelings escape.

"What changed?" Brian whispered.

"When we were in school it was different, we saw each other every day and now we're in college and…it wouldn't even be an issue if we were in the same college but…" I stuttered along trying to make sense of what I just said.

He gave me an unconvincing look, and I knew exactly what he was going to say next.

"There's someone else isn't there?"

I bit my lip and fumbled with my Trinity scarf.

1 year earlier:

"Are you doing your homework at lunch again?" laughed Brian as he opened the seal on his sandwich while I threw down my History and Biology books in a heap.

"I know, I really was meant to do it last night but the fucking effort of that!"

"Sarah, you're so smart but you really are a lazy bitch." He laughed.

"How dare you!" I said slapping his arm. "Look I don't have time to argue with you now I have to finish the Stalin essay."

"You haven't finished that yet?"

"I only have to do the last paragraph and conclusion." I said as if that was my defence.

He gave me that disapproving look he always does when I haven't done my homework.

"Alright shut up you're distracting me." I said taking out my pen.

"I'm not here." He said taking a bite from the corner of his sandwich.

That was good for about ten minutes but I knew Brian, you just couldn't shut him up.

"I love you."

"Brian…I'm working." I said secretly smiling.

He snatched the pen from my hand and stuck it behind his ear.

"Tell me you love me and you'll get the pen back." He grinned.

"I love you." I smiled.

"All I wanted to hear." He said giving my pen back.

"Hey are you busy tonight? Well actually strike that because I know you are you have to do that Geography exam paper for tomorrow. I, of course, already have it done." He grinned again.

"Brian I'm warning you."

"Sorry." He said going back to eat his sandwich.

But my curiosity got the better of me.

"I'm sure I can do that exam paper on the bus in the morning, what were you planning?"

"No, no you are doing that paper."

"Brian!" I moaned. "I can do it on the bus I've done papers like that before and more on the bus, and then I have my tutorial too!"

"Well…"

I gave him a cheesy smile and he, of course, caved.

"I was just thinking you could come over to my place for dinner, and then head to the pub for a few drinks?"

"Ok…I'm up for the drinks but the dinner, is your mother going to be joining us?"

"Em…maybe" he said quietly.

Let me explain about his mother. Now I don't like stereotypes and I would never judge someone before I met them. But when I met Mrs Healy I knew straight away that she didn't like me. She didn't like me because I was taking her baby boy away from her and she despised me for it. If she kept it somewhat hidden from me there would be no issue but the fact she was so blatant about it really annoyed me, and adding to that, Brian didn't see any of this.

"Brian…I can't have dinner with you and your mother."

"But she really wants to join us for dinner."

"No."

"Ok…" he sighed. "I'll tell her that we just want to be alone."

"Look, we can have dinner with her some other time; I just haven't spent time with you in so long you know just the two of us." I said and added in a wink at the end.

I knew that'd get to him and he was back smiling again.

I eventually managed to finish my work just before the bell went indicating the first class after lunch. I grabbed my books and ran to my locker to dump them there before running to class. Of course Brian was already there, he's really is a top class student…the dick, but that's why I loved him. I managed to take my seat just before the teacher walked in.

"Ok guys, now I know you have to fill out your CAO forms for college this week so we're not going to have class today. Instead, there's a talk going on in the gym about preparing you for college."

There was a slight hustle of panic, because people were being reminded that we're out of here pretty soon and we need to get a move on deciding on what to do with our lives. Brian and I were of course heading to college, and probably like a vast majority of our 6th year class actually. So we all piled into the gym to hear this talk which turned out to be about college finances and if we were going to live at home or not. People took notes, we didn't, and we already had all this planned out. So we sat there and used this opportunity to gaze lovingly into each other's eyes and think about our future. No I'm actually totally joking, we're not like that. Brian sat there messing with his phone with his hand in his pocket and I refrained from asking why and I took this opportunity to do some economics homework I forgot about. I thought I already did this though; obviously I had looked at it and said ah yea that's easy enough and then never actually got around to doing it. It was ok though, it just looked like I was taking notes.

After 40 minutes of macroeconomics I was ready to kill someone. The talk finished and Brian and I had History now but we knew that everyone was going to be late because of this talk including the teacher.

"I need chocolate."

"We literally just had lunch."

See we were an odd couple in many ways but with food we were a cut above the rest. Brian was super thin, and I don't mean like thin thin. I mean super skinny. The only way I could describe it was he'd be one of those after guys on the low fat semi skimmed milk adverts. Whereas I, well I wasn't the slimmest of girls. I wasn't fat, but I was chubby I suppose would be the best word for it; basically I didn't fit into size 10 jeans. I was a size 14. And, I wasn't proud of it. I hate those people who are like "o yea I'm proud not to be a size zero" because I'm not. My opinion on those people was they were only saying it because they weren't a size zero. Anyway, I always wanted to be thin, that's just the way I was. I was caught between my love of food and my desire not to be fat. But I didn't complain, I didn't moan to every person, or turn into one of those people that just randomly says mid-sentence, "I'm so fat" when they're stuffing their face with a bag of Doritos. Nope, I just carried on with life and learned to live with it. The point that I'm making with the food is, I had this theory that the reason I found Brian so attractive because he's everything I have always wanted to be, body-shape wise. I also said that that's why he liked me because I wasn't like him, I was different to him and he liked that. But that was just a theory; the reason behind the attraction is still unknown. Watch this space.

"No as I recall you had lunch, I did homework."

"That's your own fault."

"I know, just come to the vending machine with me please" I begged.

He rolled his eyes and I took that as my cue to drag him to the vending machine. I was in luck, they had chocolate covered raisins. I pushed the 2 euro coin into the slot and keyed in the number.

"We're gonna be late for History."

"Will you stop moaning?" I said waiting for the packet to drop. I bent down to take it out of the machine while he huffed and puffed about History class.

"How about we don't go to class?" I smiled.

He looked at me and knew exactly what I was insinuating.

"No, forget about it. He's doing exam prep in this class and I don't want to miss it."

"C'mon Brian, we both know you're going to get an A1 in history in the leaving cert."

"Even so, I still want to go to the prep."

But I could see him slowly breaking down at the possibility of me touching his penis.

"No we can't, we have to go to class." He said trying to push his feelings down and bringing up his desire to be a perfectionist.

"C'mon." I teased, running my hand down his body and moving onto his inner thigh.

I felt a slight shake in his breath and I knew he was breaking down.

"Behind the annex?" I whispered.

I knew the idea of a blowjob would get him in the end and twenty minutes later we were behind the annex, my hand stroking his crotch, feeling him getting increasingly hard by the second.

"So aren't we happy we didn't go to history?" I smiled, pulling away from our kiss.

He nodded his head fervently waiting and aching for me to unzip his trousers and slip my hand inside.

An hour later we were giggling down the back of class while the teacher tried to explain how ox-bow lakes are formed. It was at this point in my life, I couldn't think of any place I would rather be than down the back of class laughing and holding hands with my Brian. I could see it now, we'd be in college together for four years, hopefully we'll move in with each other, graduate, I'd become a lawyer, he'd be a teacher, we'd move into a house together, get married and have babies, and the first boy will be called Brian Junior. I had it all planned out, life would be perfect. But life is so black and white and clear in school but unfortunately it's only when the real world hits you, do you realise that life as you planned it in school doesn't always turn out that way.

"Love you." I smiled.

He smiled that warm goofy smile I loved along with those big, beautiful brown eyes that you could just drown in.

So the months passed, the leaves began to fall off the trees and crunch under my feet. The scarves and hoodies came out and were soon confiscated at the door of the school leaving students shaken and frozen on the way to school. With the end of year state exams drawing ever closer Brian and I were not spending as much time together. Nothing strange there, we both needed to study but we still saw each other maybe once a week and it was one Wednesday night, did the slight crack that would soon demolish our whole relationship started. We were lying in Brian's bed watching the politics show when an ad popped up advertising the CAO forms with the closing date in huge, bold red writing. We, of course, already had it filled out.

"Put Trinity first yea babe?"

"Eh…no I actually put UCD first."

I pushed myself up on my elbows hoping to see that goofy grin which meant he was pulling my chain.

"Funny…"

"No seriously, I did."

"Why? I thought we said we'd both put down Trinity and we'd live on campus."

"Yea but then I talked to my mother and she said UCD might be better for me."

"Ok, when were you going to tell me?"

"I don't know I didn't think it would be such a big deal, you're ok with that right?"

I looked into his big brown eyes and I knew it wouldn't be right to force him to go somewhere he didn't want to.

"Of course I am baby it's your choice, I just thought it was what we both wanted"

"Hey, you're still going to go to Trinity, I just don't think it's for me…it's not going to change anything. I promise."

But turns out he wouldn't be the one breaking that promise, I would.

College wasn't mentioned after that, I couldn't bear the thought of Brian being over the other side of the city in college being so far away from me.

Exam fever had hit and as usual, people were freaking out saying they needed more time to revise, wanting notes from everyone in the class to use them as a safety blanket. While some were just glad to see them finally starting, it meant they would soon be over and the last summer where we were still able to do what we wanted without worrying about getting a job. Brian and I had a trip to Italy planned for July, we'd hit Florence, Rome and Pisa. Brian had always wanted to see Italy so we figured the summer after the Leaving cert was the best time. So we started our exams, it was ok, we were usually in the same exam hall but with all the students we weren't really together but we'd walk home after each exam, not discussing the exam, we talked about anything but the exam because we figured analysing the exam wouldn't help. Before we knew it, the 5 weeks we had of exams were over and summer was stretched out before us. Our college places wouldn't be out until August so we had a few months to enjoy being free. By the time our exams were over, Italy was only about 2 weeks away so we didn't have to wait that long. I couldn't wait, 2 weeks to just spend with Brian and in Italy.

Let me explain about the first time I met Graham. Now, I know people throw around the whole idea of being the spitting image of people when in fact they're not, well Graham literally was Brian's twin except he was slightly taller and somewhat different facial features and he wore glasses but besides that he was the same weight, same hair, everything. So when I first saw him, something in my head said "why is Brian at Trinity today?" So there he was, Brian's twin standing right in front of me, I couldn't help but look, he was right up my street. Hey, Brian was probably looking at all the hot freshers in UCD. Besides, I was only looking. We were standing outside a lecture hall awaiting our first Law lecture of the year. We were all still getting to know each other so it was still awkward. I glanced over at him again and this time he caught my eye, smiled and waved. I smiled and looked away. But then he excused himself from his friends and walked over to me. Suddenly, all the blood rushed to my face and my knees crumbled slightly.

"Hi" he smiled.

His mouth was huge, not like in a bad way it suited his face but when he smiled it looked like he had more teeth than a normal person.

"Hello"

"I'm Graham." He said his outstretched.

"Sorcha"

"Are you doing pure law yea?"

"Sure am"

"Me too" he smiled again.

Things went quiet for a few moments and then he appeared to have an epiphany.

"Hey, a bunch of us are going to the Pav after the lecture if you want to join us."

"O I don't know, I don't really know anyone…"

"You know me" he said cutting me off.

I glanced over his shoulder to the group, they seemed very close and I was still unconvinced.

"Ok I'll change the deal; they're going straight after, whereas I have to go to the library to get a book out…"

It's the first day? I thought.

"…so you can come with me to the library and then we can go get a drink in the Pav, perhaps join them and if you're not having fun by the time you're finished your first drink you can go"

I couldn't resist his natural charm.

"Ok"

"Deadly, I think we can go into the lecture now" he said as people began filing into the theatre.

We went in and his group sat on the other side and I naturally assumed he would go over to them, since they were gesturing for him to join them, but he just waved and sat down next to me.

"Don't you want to sit with your friends?"

"Nope" he smiled.

So we sat together for the first lecture, he was the first person I talked to and he happened to be very nice, which was rare. He whipped out his MacBook and I recoiled slightly.

"What? You don't like MacBook's?" he laughed.

I nodded slightly, I had known him for a maximum of ten minutes, I wasn't about to offend my first potential friend in my new class.

"It's cool; loads of people feel the same. At least you were honest enough to say it" he laughed.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I opened the message, it was from Brian.

"Hey babe, hope your first day is going well, I love UCD, it's amazing but I do miss you :-( Anyway, I won't be able to see you tonight, there's a comedy gig on for all first years and there's a few of us going. Miss you loads! I'll talk to you later, love you! Xxx"

Graham didn't ask about the text, suppose maybe he felt it would be rude since we just met, and part of me was glad he didn't. At that moment, I missed Brian more than ever.