Author: HK Shmetty PM
Not really fiction considering all these events and thoughts are completely 100 percent true . From stupid birds to being embarrassed in front of teachers by my dysfunctional family. It's all here! Read and enjoy! More info inside...Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,157 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 07-01-11 - Published: 06-28-11 - id: 2927778
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Whenever my grandpa used to answer to phone to telemarketers, he would wait a second after answering then yell "BOO!" really loud into the phone. My family and I would love to hear the reactions of the people on the other end. I don't think that makes us weird…maybe just easily entertained.
For the past few weeks, there's been a plastic bag hanging onto a branch outside of my math classroom window. I wanted it gone because it used to distract me. Last time I went to class, it wasn't there and I spent the whole class wondering where it went.
The other day I made my four-year-old cousin mad by telling him his idol, Justin Bieber, wears lipstick and earrings. He didn't want to be mad at me, so he told everyone he was mad at my aunt. According to him, she burned all of his pictures and refuses to put photos of him on her Facebook like his brothers. He started to believe it himself and refused to talk to her for days.
When I was younger, I would get so excited when I heard on a toy commercial that batteries were not included. I don't know why, but I thought it was the greatest thing in the world. If I heard "batteries are not included," I just had to have it.
I went to the used bookstore today and found an old Polaroid photo on the inside cover of a Stephen King book I got. It's kind of starting to freak me out. It's probably just me watching too many cheesy horror movies, but it still does. I wonder if I would be as scared if I found it inside of a children's book. All it realy was was a picture of a woman and her baby in front of a pool slide…
Awhile back, my cousin told me that he hated water because he didn't like the way it tasted. I told him that water didn't have a taste then I realized something. I always figured water to be the neutral flavor of the world. Now, whenever I drink water, I try to see if I taste anything.
My clock is running out of battery, so it continues to have the second hand twitching on the nine. It has been stuck at 2:40 and 45 seconds. I find it the most comforting thing, just to see that the clock doesn't move forward. I dread the day I have to change the batteries.
The other day, my aunt and uncle were driving when my aunt suddenly said, "You know what I've never seen? A unicorn." My uncle said, "That's because they don't exist." She asked him, "Oh…are they extinct?" My uncle had to break the news to his sister that unicorns weren't real. My family's starting to worry me.
Awhile ago, my mom's friend had police show up at her house. They asked her what the emergency was. She was about to say there was nothing when her young daughter ran to the door. "I did it," she said. "I called you because my dad ate my leftover Subway sandwich." That was her emergency…
The other day, I heard someone say, "Do you know what happens when you assume? You make and ass out of 'u' and 'me.'" That was the first time I had ever heard anyone say that. I am still mind-blown, but I don't want to forget this one.
"Please leave a comment. If you liked the tour, my name's Karen. If you didn't, my name's Josh." -Karen the Tour Guide
A few years ago, my sister had to do a presentation with her elementary school class for the parents. She felt sick and bailed out last minute, leaving us to watch the other people's kids. At the end, her friend's mom came up to her and said, "You were amazing, sweetie! I had eyes on you the whole time!" Then she walked away. My sister wasn't even in the presentation.
Today I was telling my little sister about a celebrity I liked. She asked me how I would feel if I met him and he thought I was a horrible person. I always figured celebrities were sort of obligated to like their fans. I never thought about liking a celebrity that might hate me. My 4th grade sister is more realistic than I am.
The other day I hit my friend with my knee. I said, "Sorry, I kneed you." She hugged me and said, "Aww, I need you, too." Then she walked off.
When my grandpa passed away, my great-grandmother would sit next to me and tell me not to cry because then he would be too scared to visit me in my dreams. She passed away on Monday, April 25th. I cried, of course, but remembering her words, I can definitely keep more calm.