|Heartache Every Moment
Author: Collar de Espinas PM
It's heartache every moment with you. Whoever said it would be easy, even for two rock-stars in love? And what happens when it looks like they're going to lose it all? MxM *CURRENTLY ONGOING*Rated: Fiction M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 12,793 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 17 - Updated: 09-05-11 - Published: 06-29-11 - id: 2928146
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Author's Note: Hello, hello… I'm very aware that I've kinda been neglecting this story for 'Can't Hide in the Shadows'. However, never fear- I'm certainly not abandoning this fic. I admit that I'm having a little more trouble with it than 'Can't Hide in the Shadows', so I really do want to know what those of you who are reading this story think. I really do need your feedback for help, so please do leave a review or PM me your thoughts; I'd seriously appreciate it!
Lucas wants that boy.
I knew it as soon as they met me at the bar, when Luke dragged him over and coolly bought him a drink. I knew it as soon as he flashed me that look that clearly read 'Give him a chance'. For some boy he didn't know. For some cute, chirpy boy.
He's cute. Very cute. Bright eyes, adorable grin, boundless enthusiasm, yet shy. He isn't throwing himself at Luke; in fact, I'm not entirely sure if the kid has twigged yet. Or if he's even interested in Luke that way. But Luke clearly is. His eyes are raking over his narrow little frame in a fascinated manner, as though he's suddenly seeing him in the light. He's just drinking him in, this boy, and there's this look in his eyes that I haven't seen before. It unsettles me a little.
There have been others; it's not like we're exclusive. We've each been with other people before, but there's never been any question that whatever Lucas and I share is special, different from what happens with any of the other casual encounters we've had. Which is why the way Lucas' gaze is trained on this boy, Jesse, makes me rather nervous. There's something different in that look that clearly tells me something about this kid has captivated Lucas in a way that no other has. I wonder if he has ever looked at me like that.
And so I knock back drink after drink, flashing Lucas little glances that indicate my desire to leave. But he looks at me, furrowing his brow in slight confusion, not knowing what I want. Too distracted by this kid who seems to have stumbled into our lives, or at least for tonight. I try to focus my attentions on the conversation and laughter brimming around me, but I'm constantly distracted by Lucas, who appears to be paying very little attention to me and is instead hanging on Jesse's every word, every laugh, every smile. It's only when he excuses himself to go to the bathroom that Lucas looks up and seems to remember that I'm still here. I flash him a look and he comes to my side, slipping his arm around my waist in a familiar and comfortable move.
"You okay, Barbie?" he asks, grazing my cheek with a little peck of a kiss. "You've seemed a bit off tonight."
"Hmmm. Want to get out of here?"
He pulls back a little to look into my face, seeming to gauge my reactions. "Already? It's still pretty early."
"I guess… I just don't really feel like it tonight. I can think of something I'd rather be doing right now," I chuckle lowly, letting myself lean in to nuzzle at his neck.
"How much have you had to drink, Cam?" he sighs, seemingly slightly disapproving and yet tilting his head back to expose more of his smooth neck, which I gently nip.
"Enough. Come on, Luke…tell me you don't want to go back to the hotel and let me do filthy things to you," I purr into his ear, and he chuckles, placing a warm hand on the top of my thigh.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice that Jesse has returned to our group and seems to be staring at me and Luke with a confused look on his face. Lucas doesn't seem to have noticed his return yet and I don't know why, but it prompts me to lunge forward to capture Luke's lips in a long, deep kiss. His hands immediately reach up to tangle between my dreads and I let him move forward to deepen the kiss, his lips parting to let my tongue snake in between them. I lap up that familiar Lucas taste, of slightly ashy cigarettes and dry peaty whiskey. I just let myself melt into him, willing him to tighten his grip on my hair and kiss me harder.
It's in this kiss that I know I still have him.
I try to pull him closer, just wanting more of him, as much as I can take. I love the familiarity of his taste, the press of his lips on mine. I love knowing that he wants me, clear in the way that his fingers tug on my dreads, the way that his hips press against mine. Lucas is…intoxicating. Everything about him has my head in a spin- especially when I've knocked back as much alcohol as I have. I'm never going to understand why he wants me but I've always accepted it. And seeing that look in his eyes that said he might want someone else more…it's terrifying.
"Woah, you two! Save it for the bedroom, eh?"
Mick's loud, laughing exclamation causes us to break apart, and I try to grin. My eyes are trained on Lucas' kiss-bruised lips, and my whole body stings from our lack of contact. When I look up, I see that Lucas has turned to glance over his shoulder where Jesse stands, looking a little awkward and lost. I feel a little bad for the kid, but at the same time I know that he can't come between me and Luke. It's always been the two of us, since we were kids. I can't imagine it being any other way.
I reach out and slip my hand into Luke's. He whips around to face me and flashes me a grin, his usual bright, lop-sided grin. Wordlessly, I squeeze his hand a little and he nods, eyes fixed on mine.
"Hey guys, I think we're going to turn in for tonight," Luke says, holding onto my hand a little more firmly.
The guys nod and wave us away with their usual teasing comments. I just roll my eyes silently and glance over at Lucas, who is going over to Jesse. I hold back a little, just waiting behind Lucas as he walks over to the kid and gives him a little smile.
"Hey, Jesse… It was really nice to meet you- I'm glad you enjoyed the show. Me and Barbie here are going to turn in. But see you around, yeah? You said you're going to be around at some other shows?" he asks gently.
Jesse nods, smiling a little shyly. "Yeah, definitely! Maybe I'll catch you guys then."
Lucas smiles, slinging an arm over Jesse's shoulders in a friendly manner. "Awesome. See you around, Jesse."
He turns back to me, releasing the kid and grasping my hand comfortably before leaning over to place a little peck at the corner of my mouth.
"Come on, Barbie- let's go."
I tilt my head back, letting Lucas place gentle nips across my neck. A hand reaches up and clasps the hair at the base of my neck, giving me a light tug and pulls my head back to reveal more of my neck. His nips grow into more insistent nibbles, and my skin tingles at the feeling of his teeth scraping across my skin. When he releases my hair and drags his hands across my bare chest, I let him push me backwards onto the bed, laying stretched out and waiting for him to continue his ministrations.
He looks gorgeous with his dark, wavy hair all tousled and swept back from his face, revealing the high arch of his cheekbones, painted with a light flush. His eyes are dark and heavy-lidded with desire, and I find myself reaching up for him, pulling him down to me so that he covers my body with his. I close my eyes as his hands roam over my body, his mouth detaching from mine and kissing it's way downwards. My breath hitches in my throat as the warm tightness of his mouth closes around me, and I find a hand reaching down and grabbing hold of his hair, just resting there as he teases me in the most torturous way. It's almost too much for me to bear.
And then he's attacking my lips with his own, in a biting, searing kiss that makes my heart jump in my chest and knocks the wind right out of my lungs. We've gone from gentle, torturous teasing to frantic, desperate motions that speak volumes of our desire for each other. I can hear myself begging him, needing to let myself go, to give myself over to him completely. Then he's rolling me over onto my front, kissing and licking his way down my spine.
"Luke…" I groan headily, leaving his name hanging in the air when my voice is taken away from me with a practised thrust of his hips.
His lips are on me again, teeth scraping and nipping at the skin at the side of my neck. His tongue grazes upwards, over the side of my jaw and up to bite at my earlobe as he whispers into my ear, his voice low and throaty. God, I love it when he talks to me during sex. His voice oozes lust and I can hear that tremor indicating how difficult this is for him. I can tell he just wants to let go but he's holding back, trying to take his time and slow this down. But I don't want him to, and I let him know by arching back against him, letting him sink in even deeper into me.
"Shit, Cam!" he cries out, sliding an arm underneath me and holding onto me tightly.
I can feel his body shudder, and I know he's getting close. I push back against him more and I feel him move away from me a little, getting up onto his knees and holding onto my hips to steady himself. I can feel myself getting closer with every thrust of his hips, and I clench my eyes shut as I feel that familiar burn building deep in the pit of my stomach. As I hear Lucas' breathing getting shallower, his movements getting jerkier and shorter as he climbs closer to his orgasm. And then, he stops, pausing for a split second before he crumples, falling apart and filling the air with the most beautiful, almost feral, cry. The sound of his voice pushes me over the edge and, grabbing onto the bed-sheets, I come with a tremor and short, sharp gasp.
Lucas slowly pulls out of me, collapsing next to me with a satisfied sigh. Lying on my stomach, I glance over at him and see him smiling at me tiredly, his face flushed and forehead glistening with sweat. Even now, I think he looks more gorgeous than anyone else could. I lie there silently, letting my eyes run over the contours of his face, down his sharp jawline and over his rosebud pink lips. He's practically glowing. What the hell is he doing with someone like me?
He chuckles, reaching a hand out to push away a stray dreadlock that has fallen over my eyes.
"Stop thinking, Barbie," he murmurs, shuffling over until he's close enough to nuzzle at my cheek before finding my lips and kissing me deeply.
He pulls me on top of him and we lie there, kissing languorously, not caring about the sticky mess between our stomachs or the fact that we're both rather sweaty and in need of a shower. Things are somehow always so comfortable between me and Lucas, even when I feel like an awkward ugly duckling next to swan-like Lucas.
However, I can't get rid of that niggling in the back of my mind. I keep seeing the way that he looked at Jesse earlier tonight, and it irritates me that I can't push it away. I pull away from Lucas reluctantly, gazing down at him with a little frown.
"Come on, Barbie…what is it?" he whispers softly, concern flickering in his eyes.
"You wanted that kid. Jesse."
He pauses visibly before reaching up and brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. I can see that he's weighing up his words, trying to figure out how to say what he wants to without hurting me too much.
"Yeah, I do. I did," he says, gently rolling me off him so that I'm lying next to him again. "But you know that doesn't mean anything, Cam. I'm here with you now, aren't I?"
I nod, letting myself play idly with his fingers. He lifts my hand up and places a little kiss on it before tugging me closer to him and giving me a little squeeze, nipping at my earlobe.
"Come on, you. You never get jealous," he says, a teasing edge leaking into his voice.
"Yeah, we'll you've never looked at some little twink like that before either," I mutter a little grumpily, nudging him with my hip. "You were practically undressing him with your eyes."
"Hmm, maybe. But I came back here and boinked your brains out, didn't I?" he chuckles, continuing to nibble at my ear until I swat him away and turn to face him.
He's grinning at me cheekily and I just roll my eyes at him. That smile has a way of just washing away my doubts and fears, has a way of filling me with confidence and the feeling that things are going to be okay. I don't know what else to do, so I give him a playful shove and stick my tongue out at him. And suddenly he's on top of me, pinning me down on the bed and nipping at my skin, my neck, my shoulders. He's chuckling as he wrestles me, flicking out his tongue to lick me while I screw up my face in semi-mock disgust and try to avoid his playful teasing.
"Luke, cut it out! You're being gross," I protest, squirming.
"Like you can talk- you're covered in jizz," he laughs. "You really need a shower, Barbie."
"Well get the fuck off me and maybe I can go get a shower," I groan, trying to shake him off and only succeeding when he rolls his eyes and shuffles off me.
I get to my feet and give him the finger before heading to the bathroom and turning on the shower. Approximately thirty seconds later, I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist and a set of teeth gently biting my shoulder. Luke slips past me and steps under the warm spray of the shower, flicking his hair out of his eyes and gazing up at me with those bright jewel eyes of his.
"I'm hurt you didn't invite me, Barbie," he grins, turning to grab the shower gel and motioning for me to turn around so that he can soap my back.
"You know you don't need an invitation," I smile, looking back over my shoulder and straining to peck a little kiss on his cheek.
AN2: So…how was it for you? Do let me know what you think! Thanks to all of those who reviewed for the last chapter- you guys rock.
2cute4ya14 – I'm glad you like this one and would really appreciate your feedback/con crit on it hon :) Really appreciate the review and I hope that you enjoyed this chapter.
Lady E and poisonpensumi– Thanks for the reviews! Hmm, yeah…you've both brought up a good point. I've been trying to think about how to incorporate their history into it more, so will definitely work on that.
Echoing Shadow – Glad that the changing POVs aren't too confusing and I hope you get a sense of their individual 'voices'! Thanks for the review.