Five years later

Whenever I think back to the day when I first met Sammi Renalds, I can't help but laugh at both of our stupidity.

He was severely naïve, with no knowledge of how the real world worked and beyond isolated by his peers. I used to think of myself as some sort of hotshot, that I didn't need anybody and that others would just hinder me. I think that now, we can both admit to being out of touch with reality, and that's okay. We've lived, and we've learned; isn't that how life works?

I kept my promise to him, much to everyone else's shock. I became his friend, and though it started off strained and odd, by the time he began high school, you rarely saw us apart. My parents were flabbergasted when they walked in on me helping Sammi with his homework once, and I think I saw my mother tear up when I introduced them and nonchalantly ruffled his soft hair.

My sister was the least surprised, and I was sure she had this planned all along. And I think I know why now. We needed one another. Sammi needed companionship and I needed to stop being such a bastard and open myself up. You know, after I thought about it, I've felt a renewed love for my twin. She was looking out for me, for us, and that's an amazing feeling, to be loved so much, no matter how you are.

Being around Sammi taught me a lot of things. Patience, people skills, kindness, affection. I almost gave Dilon a heart attack when I held the door open for him once; to say that he's proud of me was an understatement. Our friendship grew tighter without my being a smart ass every ten seconds, and when we both graduated high school and started the same college, we signed up to be roommates.

During college, I found it extremely difficult to keep up my friendship with Sammi; it's not all booze and chicks as everyone makes it out to be. Sure, you could have those things, but only if you want to fail, and I didn't want to fail. I was finally making something of my life and I wouldn't risk throwing it away, not for anything. Sammi understood, though, so it wasn't so bad. After I got my studies under control, I found it was easier to give him my time and energy.

My perception of Sammi began to dramatically change when puberty properly hit him and he began to look more like a man than a child. He grew taller, gained a bit of muscle, lost the cherub innocence, and even sprouted facial hair. He got his feather light hair cut so that it now curls a bit above the ears, instead of it looking like someone dumped a bunch of hay on top of his head.

It was only after his body changed that his classmates started taking more notice in him, especially the female population. He was handsome (but not as much as me), with his cheeky grin, wiry stature, and soul searching eyes. But even though he got advances from everyone for company, he turned each one of them down. I smacked him upside the head when he told me this and asked him why he turned down dates. He didn't give me an answer and I suspect he was still holding on to my words from a few years prior. I felt bad, for giving him hope and making him rely on it, but I couldn't just change it.

Then again, I was beginning to jump on the bandwagon as well.

By the time he hit seventeen years old and his growth spurt was almost over, I found it difficult to keep my thoughts straight whenever I was around him. He still liked being close to me and it seemed that he was oblivious to the changes he was going through and how they were affecting me.

In turn, I went out and got myself a girlfriend to get him out of my head. Her name was Amanda, and I treated her as fairly and openly as I could. At first, it was like we were made for each other. We used to complete each other's sentences as if we were twins and I found a somewhat inner peace whenever we were together. But damn Sammi. It seemed that every time I came back to my dorm after a date, he would call me up and want to hang out. We did everything together, shopping, the movies, as if I was dating him as well. I joked about it with Dilon, and he didn't find it very funny. He gave me a bit of advice, on what he thought on the manner, and said that things would not end well if I didn't break off something with one or the other. My time could not be divided in the middle between the two or I would surely lose it, he said. He was telling the truth.

I couldn't keep up as they both wanted to do more and more together, and a lot of times I had to stop and catch myself before I uttered one's name in the presence of the other. I was torn. What could I do? I loved Amanda, and I loved Sammi like a brother. I talked to Rachel and she asked me which one meant the most to me, and that way, I could choose. It didn't seem very fair to me, but I took her words in consideration and listed certain attributes about Amanda and Sammi, and about how they made me feel.

Amanda made me feel good, like we were soul mates. She listened patiently to my rants and her eyes never strayed. We could talk about anything and our conversations never went stale. We could act PDA in public all we wanted and never got strange looks for it. However, there were those moments when she flipped her lid and went off the deep end. I understand that it was contributed in part to… the monthly curse, so I tried to keep that in mind as she went on a rampage and made me buy her things to calm her down.

Sammi made me feel good as well. The male bond was there and our jokes were more unruly (when he's in the mood to act like a barbarian, as he nicely puts it). We went out and did things that Amanda couldn't be bothered to do, such as go to a game or attend a concert downtown. Even though we weren't together romantically, I always thought that our friendship was frowned upon, specifically when we were alone for hours at a time. I couldn't help but think that I was a pedophile, hanging out with Sammi so much. I felt wrong… but it was exhilarating. Being with him was a risk, a gamble. And though I changed my ways, deep down, the adrenaline rush was still there, ready for anything.

I couldn't choose. It was too hard and I didn't want to lose them both. I'd die without either one of them in my life. I couldn't make the decision…

But that's when life made it for me.

At the beginning of the first summer into our relationship, Amanda and her family took an annual trip to France. They were gone for a few weeks and I missed her deeply. Not too long after she came back though, I noticed that she started to act funny. She didn't want to go out on dates anymore and was reluctant when I just wanted to hang out. Every little change in life begins with signs, warnings. Always pay attention to them and you won't get the shock of a lifetime, like I did. After nearly a month of being dodged, I cornered her and asked her what was wrong. At first, she said there wasn't anything wrong and that I was just getting ahead of myself. But I knew better. I kept pestering until she broke down and cried that she wanted to break up with me but just didn't know how.

I couldn't fathom why, but then I thought back and remembered how she acted before and after the trip. Whatever happened during the trip had changed her. I never found out what it was. She just said sorry, turned around, and walked off. What I feared happened; I lost one of them. And I didn't know why.

Sammi was all I had then. Dilon and I started to hang out less after his dream girl waltzed into his life, and I was distancing myself from my family to learn how to deal on my own. After Amanda walked off on me, Sammi was there. He comforted my mind and healed my loneliness just by offering a few kind words and hugs. He was all I needed. All I could possibly need.

I never once thought that I would start gaining attraction for another male, and actually accepting it. At first, I figured I was just dwelling too much on my promise and I was starting to believe it plus the affection he selfishly gave, but the more Sammi matured and hung around me, the more I…wanted him.

I had to refrain from running my fingers through his shortened hair in public, and the pats on the cheek I was accustomed to giving him when he was good became more frequent and lingering. The only comfort I had was that he was getting older. Sadly, so was I. As he continued to slowly wean out of the minor stage, I was getting closer to my mid-twenties. That small gap between our ages still felt like we were miles apart; it sucked.

But, it's not so bad anymore.

Today, Sammi turns eighteen.

~o~

I never knew that watching someone sleep was so relaxing.

I rest my cheek against the palm of my hand and peer down into Sammi's profile as he snuggles into my side. It's about two in the afternoon and we've decided to spend it resting in his room, sitting on the bed and talking about the past week. Well, that's what we did until Sammi slumped over and muttered that he needed to take a quick nap. He's mentally exhausted, being the over achiever that he is, so I nodded and stayed. He's been out for about half an hour, and I don't suspect that he'll be waking up anytime soon, which is fine by me. It's moments like these that l love and cherish the most, where he trusts me enough to let his guard down for hours at a time. Perhaps it's this that draws me to him. This intimacy.

Slowly, so as not to startle him, I raise my hand from where it was resting on top of my hip and brush back a bit of his stray blond hair. He sighs as my fingertips graze over his ear but other than that, he continues with his peaceful slumber. I admit, I'm such a sap when it comes to him. I treat him like he's a fragile thing even though I know he hates it. I can't help it. I like him. A lot. And unlike Amanda, I am not going to be losing him anytime soon. Call me obsessive, I don't care.

"Mmh…"

Sammi leans a little from me and tilts his head back to let out a soft snore. I blush at his parted, pale lips and the ripe redness of his mouth and hurriedly look elsewhere. I don't trust myself if I stare any longer.

Suddenly, he hums again, and when I chance a look, he's yawning and slowly cracking open those oceanic eyes that stop my heart. He blinks up at me for a long moment before groaning and sitting up before holding himself up by balancing his hands behind him. I let my eyes sweep down his thickened torso and chest before he looks back over at me and grins boyishly.

"You're still here." I smile at the lack of surprise in his voice; of course he knew I'd still be here.

"Yes I am. I had to in order to making sure that Sleeping Beauty woke up on time."

"Adam, stop teasing," he chuckles, rolling his eyes. "How long was I asleep?"

"Not long, about forty-five minutes but hey, who's counting?" I sit up from my lounging position and fold my legs beneath me. "So, Sam, how's it like to be an adult?"

He sighs boredly and rolls his shoulders back, "I feel the same as I did as a kid. There's no real difference from seventeen to eighteen. I always thought that it'd be a great thing, but now that it's happened, I don't see why I was so excited. Maybe it's because…" he trails off and averts his eyes, a blush tinting his cheeks a light pink.

"You remember what I said to you, five years ago?" I ask quietly.

He nods but doesn't answer, nor does he turn to look at me. Now is as good a time as any to get this off my chest, to say it. He probably won't believe me, but I'll make him see that I'm not lying. I mean this.

"Will you listen to what I have to say?"

"…yes."

I swallow and raise a hand to tangle my fingers amongst the strands at the back of his neck. He stiffens at my touch, but I ignore the flinch and take a deep breath.

"When you were thirteen and told me that you loved me, I honestly thought that the world had stopped spinning. I know you were innocent and everything, but the words struck me deep and hung around till they almost suffocated me. You were just a child and I was a rebelling teen; it didn't make a lick of sense… but I gave a chance at becoming your friend and I can honestly say that I enjoyed every moment of it."

Sammi's shoulders visibly relax the more I talk, and when I pause to think of my next words, he turns his face towards me and offers a shy smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I agree, "I really did. As the years went by, I knew that I couldn't possibly live life without you. You were a big part of it, and I'm thankful. I really am. I could just squeeze you until your face turns blue," I laugh, pinching his cheek.

"Adam…"

"Right, sorry." I sober and return my hand to my lap. "You know, after my ex walked out on me, I didn't think that I would ever fall in love with anyone ever again. Which was an extremely foolish thing to think since… before I met her, I already was in love."

"You were…?"

I nod slightly in agreement, and I know by now that my face is heating up. Sweat begins to formulate on the palm of my hands and I quickly rub them against the sheets. "I am. And wouldn't you know it, it's with a man."

Sammi's eyes widen considerably and he hastily looks away once more. "A man, you say? Wow."

"Yeah, I had the same reaction when I realized it. But to be honest, I don't mind. I like being attracted to him; he makes me feel complete." I inch a bit closer and feel him immediately go rigid when I ghost my hand down one of his arms. "I just want him to know this… Sammi…"

He gasps almost inaudibly as I lean forward and press my lips against his ear. "Five years ago, I told you to never give up hope, that maybe I would return your feelings. Look at me now." He hesitates but only for a moment before taking in a calming breath and doing as I asked. I shift just a bit closer to his face and whisper, "You don't have to keep wishing anymore."

With a quick upwards glance into his startled cerulean eyes, I take the initiative and close the distance between us.

Sammi jolts and pushes me back, his eyes wide and startled. I keep calm and give him a steady look. He takes a couple of gulps and glances away towards the door, which is left open. I know what he's thinking, but it's nothing to worry about. We're alone, and since not much has changed in this household, his mother won't be back for about six hours.

I coax him to look back at me again, and this time, he doesn't seem so defensive. I smile at him as he leans in, his eyes fluttering close when we press lips again. Once he relaxes and figures that this is really happening, Sammi presses harder and moans lowly in the back of his throat. I can't imagine what this must be like for him, to finally have his feelings reciprocated. I feel like such a heartless bastard but as I return the gesture and wrap my arms around him, I reason that that was all in the past and doesn't matter anymore.

The longer we continue to kiss and tentatively caress, the more aware I become of how fast my heart is beating. Never before had I had such a reaction when I kissed Amanda. The adrenaline coursing through my veins is much stronger now, something I never imagined would happen because of a simple lip lock. I wonder if five years ago, and we did this, would the rush still be there?

Reluctantly, we break apart to give one another a brief moment to breathe. As stated before, I've kissed my ex loads of times, but never had my heart pounded as brutally as it did now. It's amazing.

"I can't believe… you're actually my… first kiss," Sammi whispers, his eyes elsewhere. "I never thought that you'd… return my affections."

I laugh through my nose and cup his face between my hands. "Silly boy, didn't I tell you anything could happen in five years?"

"I suppose."

He smiles cheekily, causing his dimples to appear, and my eyes sweep down to trace his jaw and lips. When I tear my eyes away to look back into his, it's obvious that a sudden change has come over him. He stares back at me in all seriousness, his usually bright eyes dark and mature, and just that look alone makes me throw all caution of a slow start out the window. Sammi must know what flits across my mind because we lunge at each other at the same time, our tongues meeting midair.

I'm vaguely surprised that he knows how to french, since he's never dated before or the like, but I find I really don't give a damn as we fight viciously for dominance. Spittle slides from our mouths as we don't bother to swallow and the whole room echoes with our guttural growls. Again, I'm glad that his parents aren't home, cause if they were, I'm sure they'd hear us and probably call the cops. He's eighteen, sure, and that usually means adulthood, but I'm twenty-three, and I'm more of an adult than he is.

But do I care? Does he?

Sammi isn't giving up the battle, and I really want to control this (call it a seniority complex). In order to daze him, I break apart and plant thick, wet kisses down his chin and along the length of his neck. He grips my shoulders hard and throws his head back in order to pant as I favor the muscle on the side of his neck. I start to lose a bit of control as he whispers my name and entangles his fingers in my chin length hair, pulling sharply. A scalding heat fills my stomach like wildfire and it burns a path down below; I restrain myself from doing anything too fast and instead lean up to recapture his lips. Unfortunately, he doesn't let up and fights me again for command. I frown and decide to pull a dirty trick.

He whines and shuts down as I run a hand under his shirt, over his burning skin, and rub my thumb roughly against his perked nipple. He swallows thickly as I do and take that hesitancy to force my tongue more into his mouth. Sammi makes a sound, letting me know that he can't believe he just gave in, and I smirk as best as I'm able. I retrieve my hand from his chest and start to significantly slow down our momentum. Thankfully, he lets me and as the intensity of our blood dwindles, we find ourselves enjoying a savory make-out.

That is, until Sammi tries to take a page out of my book.

I don't think about what he's doing as he traces one hand over the top of my jeans, until he boldly tries to stick it under the waistband. I break off the kiss once more to pant and give him a warning glare, but he ignores me and buries it down further. As a couple of his fingers try to worm their selves around me and a burst of pure pleasure erupts because of it, I push him back and distance myself before my body decides to act on its own.

I rub my hands roughly down my face and try to regain control of my breathing and surroundings as he leans forwards on his hands and gives me a smoldering look from underneath his bangs. I can tell from the look in his eyes that he wants to know why I just stopped.

"Not yet… not yet…" I breathe; I almost wince at the rasp in my voice.

"Why?" His eyes flash downwards, and when I follow his gaze, it's fixated on my lap. I quickly reach for a pillow and cover myself up, causing him to send me a withering glare.

"You're still too young…" I murmur, causing him to roll his eyes. "For that activity, you have to wait until you're… twenty-one."

"Twenty-one? Adam, that's years from now!" he complains, falling back with a huff. "I can't wait any longer."

"And? You've waited half a decade, what's a little more? Besides, it's only three years away. Mark your calendar or something!"

We continue to bicker for a little longer until it feels like we didn't just share a moment of intense intimacy with each other. Sometimes I wonder why the hell I put up with his whining.

"Fine! I'll wait!" he shouts. "The moment that clock strikes midnight, it's you, me, a plush bed, and hours to waste."

I don't say anything to that, and when he sits back up to eye me, I grin. "You're really eager, you know that, Sammi?"

He shrugs, "Well, hanging around you all these years has had somewhat of an effect over me."

"True," I nod. "I could say the same thing about you, you know."

"I know."

I peek under the pillow and smile to see that I've calmed down. "Hey Sammi," I mutter, inching over and laying down beside him. "There's something I gotta tell you."

He eyes me for a moment before mimicking my position and getting as close to me as possible. I wrap an arm around his waist and stare into his eyes.

"Yes?" He asks, holding my gaze, "What is it?"

I pull him a bit closer and plant a kiss to his forehead. "Just wanted to tell you that I love you."

I grin as he doesn't try to conceal his gaping. "What?"

"I said that I love you; are you hard of hearing?"

Sammi shakes his head as a tiny smile curls his lips. I try to restrain myself from pinching his cheeks and instead give him a quick and chaste kiss to the corner of his lips. I close my eyes as he moves to press against my mouth and a few warm tears drips down the sides of his face.

"I love you too, Adam."

-x-

A/n: I was thinking about having one last chapter, detailing Sammi's twenty-first birthday (hubba hubba). If anyone's interested, lemme know and I'll get right on it ;o