Love & Confusion

Part 1: Musings & Broken Hearts

The world had stopped spinning.

I couldn't breathe, and my vision blurred.

She can't honestly... She would have told me, right? I thought she... I thought...

Why hadn't she told me? I thought we were best friends! I thought she... Well, I guess I was wrong. She's not mine - I need to remember that. Why can't I get that through my head!

You miss her. You need her.

Yeah, right. She doesn't "need" me, she's made that much clear.

But... why him? She told me she didn't like him, she didn't want him, that she wanted me.

A game, a game. You know her best, you should know that.

Know her best! I don't! She doesn't tell me anything anymore! It's all a game! Nothing means ANYTHING to her. I don't mean anything to her. At least, not how I'd like to.

What could you have expected? She made herself perfectly clear-

With her words! Her actions, on the other hand, were showing the polar opposite! How could I have known- How could I have done anything to know? She... she doesn't talk to me anymore, does she? At least not like she did, when- when...

When she was yours. Now she's not.

She's still my friend! She- She used to tell me these things.

Back when you would tell her things. Why would she tell you if you can't get the nerve to tell her?

It's not the same thing - well, yeah, it is. I'm so selfish. She's not mine, I have no control over who she wants, and I have no more right to her than he does.

You don't believe that.

Why can't I believe that? Life would be so much easier if I could get it into my head that no, she's NOT mine, and no, she's NOT serious when she hints that she is, and I need to get that through my THICK SKULL!

…You love her.

I know. It hurts, and it sucks, but yeah, it's true.

Suddenly, I'm snapped back to the present. She's still standing there, smiling at me like a schoolgirl with her first crush because, well, she is. It couldn't have been more than half a second since she told me-

"I asked him out."

Despite my crumbled heart, I school my face into my best, joking, "What the hell?" expression, and she laughs quietly as she continues to her seat. After all, class is about to start and I don't have time to be brokenhearted.

I send a small smile her way as the teacher begins passing out papers, and I pick up my pen and sweep the shattered shards of my heart under the rug, to be dealt with later.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review!