Snow fell.

It was gentle, but it felt like raw bullets biting into the girl's small slivers of exposed skin. It was dark, and for that she didn't know if she was grateful or not: The darkness shielded her from begging hands, smypathetic smiles, an emotionless face and falling tears. But it veiled away secretive eyes, crossed fingers, uncomfortable fidgets, and stolen moments of silence.

The figure in front of her took a step, but she didn't know where. "I'm sorry." It echoed, bouncing off walls, i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. The words danced into front of her eyes, burned themselves into her mind, slipped through her fingers like water.

i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry.

He moved again. She noticed. It hurt.

"Speak," he tried, his voice angry and choked. "For fuck's sake, just talk to me."

How could he say that? How could he say that when everything was crumpling like paper? When it felt like her world had been vaguely scribbled by a three year-old and nothing was solid any more, like all the colour overlapped the lines and wasn't even there in places? When everything hurt?

How could he say that when he wasn't going to listen?

"Please," his voice broke, and she almost felt the impact of it, like she'd dropped a glass and it had shattered at her very fingertips. "Get angry, get upset, just don't stand there. Yell at me. Storm away. Do something. Anything. Make me feel better about this."

But she felt like she'd been carved into rock, unable to move, think coherently, let alone speak. Like she'd been painted with a quick strokes of an unskilled artist who got frustrated with her imperfection, screwed her up and threw her in the bin the first chance they got.

Frustrated with her imperfection.

Her imperfection.

Imperfection.

His shadow raised his hands, fingers outstretched, as if praying to God for someone to press the delete button, then dropped them, shoulders slumped. Defeated.. She didn't know what he wanted to delete. She didn't know what she wanted him to delete.

"I just stopped caring," he said finally, the wind whipping both his words and the girl's hair into a frenzy around her. "About anything." He paused, and she played fill in the gaps. (Especially you. You fell into that category.) "I can't do this any more."

Snow crunched under his foot, she watched unblinkingly, hearing everything and nothing and seeing nothing but everything.

He sighed, heavy as a tonne of bricks. "I can't... can't pinpoint exactly." (You're not anything specific.) "I. Just. Stopped. Caring." (When you got scared of losing me.) "I can't see anything good in us any more." (Since you gave me yourself.) "I... I'm sorry."

There was moment and footsteps echoed and cold lips just barely touched her cheek like a parody of a kiss and then there was nothing but blackness and ice and great gasping breaths and flowing tears and it was her it was it was her.

i'm sorry (I thought I could keep you) i'm sorry (I gave you everything) i'm sorry (for my flaws) i'm sorry (I bite my nails) i'm sorry (I believed you).

There's a moment of weightlessness, suddenly she's on the floor with wet knees and she doesn't remember how she got there.

(He's gone.)

(It hurts.)

i'm sorry (nothing's right) i'm sorry (I wasn't what you wanted) i'm sorry (I cared) i'm sorry (I tried too hard).

Nothing felt right and all she could think was that it was cold and she needed to call her mother at some point.

Time passed and she opened her mouth, words fell out, "I'm scared."

i'm scared you were the only good thing about me and you made me feel like i wasn't an imaginary character tucked away in someone's mind you showed me i was allowed to breathe and laugh and dance and sing and not give a damn but now you're gone and i don't know if it hurts any more.

i'm sorry (I fell in love with you) i'm sorry (I laughed at stars) i'm sorry (I want to hang on).

(I wish I'd worn another coat.)

i'm scared you were never really here in the first place.

She's going to miss the way his hand felt, the way his cheek felt pressed against hers, the way he cut stars out of tin cans, the way he preferred a punch in the stomach to a rose, the way he looked so indignant when she laughed at daisies, the way he hugged her and it felt like he was holding together.

i'm sorry (I fell apart) i'm sorry (I was amazed to find you by my side).

She felt like a gust of wind would knock her over, like a single touch would smash her into a million pieces, and suddenly she was so angry that she felt so weak, that it was his fault but then she remembered the way he threw away everything sharp in her house and his tears dripped onto her scars.

She remembered that he had been proud just to be her friend when she let no one in.

She remembered six years of her life.

She remembered him.

She remembered his footsteps.

She remembered he was gone.

and

then

she

stopped

caring

about

everything

i'm sorry (I fell in love with you)

i'm sorry (it's hard to say goodbye)

(you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me.)