Cutter

The first time

I'm just a little surprised

I really thought

When I had thought about it

I thought it would hurt more

But even though I did it

I'm not really a cutter, am I?

When I feel

Stress

Or pain

Or sadness

Or the pressure that

Builds up

In my chest

I will take out

A paperclip

Or a safety pin

Or a little piece of broken plastic

I will scratch at my skin

Making it

Raw

Making it

Red

Making it

Hurt

But not enough to bleed

And cutters bleed

Don't they?

Cutters use sharp things

Don't they?

I don't bleed

I just look scratched

Like maybe a cat

Attacked me

And because I don't bleed

Or use sharp things

It means I'm not a cutter

Doesn't it?

Cutters have lost looks

They don't smile

Do they?

I smile

I'm here

No one even

Notices

Not when I leave them

Uncovered

If I really were a cutter

Someone would notice

Wouldn't they?

And yet

I can't stop

I've tried

Over

And

Over

It's a habit

A habit I just can't

Break

Does my complete lackof

Control

Make me a cutter

Could it?

Does hurting yourself

Have another name

That isn't

Cutter?

I guess

That would be me

Wouldn't it?

Life hurts

Girls can be

Cruel

Vicious

Heartless

Boys

Aren't even worth

The effort

The trouble

The pain

All the problems

That arise

Those people

They made me like this

Didn't they?

It's their fault I'm like this

Isn't it?

The second time

I'm a little surprised

I never thought

That I'd like it

But I'm not a cutter

Am I?