|The Want to Be Heard
Author: BaconBits1997 PM
The nagging in your head... Saying this isn't worth hurting over but yet you can't help it... The emptiness in side knowing you're not alone... But it feels like you are... The horrible thoughts going through your head when deep down you know they're fakeRated: Fiction T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Tragedy - Words: 886 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10-02-11 - id: 2957696
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A/N: I'm going through a really tough time, and I thought I'd write a story about it… Do you know why? Because in a way, I feel like Taylor Swift. If you can't say something out loud to the person you desperately want to… How else can you say it? Well.. I've found a way, and I hope you get it, what I'm trying to say… It really hurts me deeply right now… Emotionally… But I don't have any other way to get people to listen to me…
I sit in the corner, listening to music that I haven't heard in a while, and although it makes me feel worse… It relates to me…
I close my eyes, wiping the tears that are falling down my cheeks, and just listen. I'm gasping for breath at each sob I choke out and I feel hatred toward everyone around me right now… Because nobody can hear me… And if they can… Why aren't they making sure I'm okay? Oh that's right… They obviously don't care…
So, I sit by myself in the corner of the room… Lights off… No movement… Just me. Hurt… Helpless… Confused…. And worst of all… Alone. I don't understand what I have to do to get people to start listening… I feel invisible in my own world… Every door is closed… every back is turned… every last flicker of hope… Shattered.
I don't understand where I went wrong… Why is it no one is listening to me? Why does no one care? They hear my sobs and my helpless gasps… But they refuse to help… What do I have to do for people to start realizing that I'm sitting right in front of them… Hurting.
The song ends, and another plays… But I'm not listening to the lyrics that are my life. Nothing makes sense anymore. Why is everything upside down? Isn't the youngest child the one with all the attention? Isn't the youngest one, the one who always gets heard? I guess I was the one letter in the huge pile that got mailed to the wrong time and place.
I hold my hand over my mouth to muffle my sobs, but it does no good. Tears continue to fall and yet… No one hears.
Down the hall in the other room, everyone else is having a good time but me. I sit along under the TV stand, headphones in, music blasting to drown out everyone else, yet I can't but listen to their joy, thinking, What did I do that caused this?
I feel so helpless and stupid, sitting hear listening to "Leave Out All the Rest" by Linkin Park. "You were so scared… But no one would listen… 'Cause no one else cared," I heard. That was me.
I felt like I was on the outside looking in. I felt hated by everyone. My sister craved attention… And guess who got it… Not me. Not one ounce.
I closed my eyes, rubbing the tears that fell down my face, dripping off my chin. This was pain. The salty tears that fell… The acknowledgement that the hole where your heart should be was there… Eating at you like you were the weakest thing it'd ever seen. Defenseless. How could you heal? Would you heal? It felt like you never would. Would they ever realize I was here? Crying myself faint? Probably not. They tell you it gets better… How long will it be?
I don't know… I don't care… I just want someone to listen to me…
Everyone was against me, it felt. And it sucked. It hurt more than a fractured bone… And that hurt. I couldn't see how a broken heart to begin with… Could break so much more… Just by one little meaningless thing…
Playing favorites was the worst thing that ever happened to me… It was clear to me I wasn't their favorite… I could take a hint…
I felt the hole in my heart grow bigger… There wasn't even a heart anymore. Would there ever be?
I didn't know.
How could things get better? How do we know? Everyone has a different problem… It feels so permanent… To me… There was no such thing as "Together forever" if the people you loved—and still love—didn't even acknowledge your hurt or your presence!
I sit here crying… Talking to the only people I can trust… But it isn't enough… I've been moping all day… And I've gotten the same question, "What's wrong?" but I know my family doesn't mean it… If they did, they'd be here, helping me understand my hurt is just a misunderstanding… But they aren't… So I'm not sure if it's misunderstanding… or if I'm right…
A/N: That's it so far… It hurt a lot to write this but you know what? I feel somewhat better… But I still feel shattered… I'm just glad I can write about it and have someone see it… I don't know what I'd do without you FictionPress! Or reviewers and readers… I really don't.