Leveling Up

World of Warcraft cannot compete with me

I will be the Final Fantasy you'll ever need.

No Princess Peach, or Zelda either

Can be the girl who will always be there.

Can't you see? Your precious MMOs and your RPGs

Blind you from reality

When your eyes are wide and your mouth is drooling

When you just can't stop fantasizing about ruling

I want to finger the power chords- tear them from the wall

Run like a madwoman, screaming down the hall

Waving it like your umbilical chord, never quite cut-

Anything to jar you from the fantasy rut.

I want to rake my nails across your fancy TV

LCD, flat-screen, Sony 3D

Scream, "Hey asshole, look at me!"

With glee I envision you boiling with anger,

I know the best way to fuck you over

When I touch your shiny, over-worshiped Xbox Elite

Navigate to your hard drive and press X for DELETE

I know I may have signed my own C.O.D.

But I'm taking your goddamn Nintendo with me.