|I'll Never Be the Same
Author: WideEyedInnocence PM
The story of a Nazi soldier who defies all he's been taught and falls in love with a Jewish girl at Buchenwald, a concentration camp. R&R.Rated: Fiction T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,159 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 01-15-12 - Published: 10-14-11 - id: 2961025
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
It was so cold that night. Even through my thick wool coat, I could feel the icy chilliness seeping through, causing me to shiver slightly. It was only September, and the cool usually didn't arrive until early October. To me, it was just yet another sign that the whole world was falling apart. Down to the weather. Since when had the sky grown so bleak and grey? I shifted my gaze from the clouds above to look at her. Tears were rolling down her pale, fragile face, and she was just staring down at the earth. The other guards had given their orders that everyone report to the barracks, and the other inmates fell into line, giving the girl a wary, sympathetic glance before silently entering their block. I waited until everyone was gone, except for the ever-present soldiers placed around the gates of the camp.
She was trembling visibly, and all I wanted to do was comfort and tell her everything would be alright. But who was I to assure her of such a thing? I could protect her the best I could, but not even I could stop her from disease, illness, and the obvious emotional scars she was already bearing. My boots were soundless against the ground as I walked over to her. Still, she did not look up or even acknowledge me. I contemplated how to explain to her, what to say. The wind picked up at that moment and started howling fiercely. Without words, I took off my coat and placed it upon her hunched shoulders. That's when she finally looked up at me.
"What are you trying to do to me?" Her voice was harsh and full of contempt, not its usual sweet, soft tone. "Why did you just not let me die then? You are more cruel than all the other SS guards put together, to put me through all this before you kill me too! I will fight you, you know. You won't get what you want from me!" Brown, doe-like eyes pulled back into a scowl.
I grabbed her arm to pull her up, and she firmly resisted; I was surprised at her strength. Since she wouldn't stand, I knelt next to her. She cringed away from me, and scuffled backwards. "You misunderstand my intentions. I am not here to hurt you or kill you. I want to help." I kept my voice low to avoid anyone else over-hearing.
She let out a short bark of a laugh. "Help me?" She shouted and shook her head. "I don't believe you. " Her eyes went to the gate then, and she moved as if to run towards them. "What do you think you are doing?" I hissed as I held on to her uniform tightly. She may have been strong, but not enough to get away from me. "If I run they'll just shoot me and at least I won't have to go through you raping me!"
"Rape you? I told you I wasn't going to hurt you in any way. I'm not like the other guards. Who do you think has been giving you extra bread every night?" Complete surprise crept across her delicate features as I uttered the words. "Oh yes, that was me. Why would I do that if I just wanted to kill you?"
"I will not be your whore," she muttered through clenched teeth. "I'd rather die."
I released my grip on her grungy uniform, and she slipped back down unto the cold earth with a soft thud. "That is not my intention either. Like I said, I wanted to help. I can protect you and your mother." She softened a bit at the mention of her, but I went on. "I can't if you won't let me." I began to walk away, but her next words stopped me. "Why me?"
I paused before turning around to face her again. "Because you were the first one I saw here. When I saw how afraid you were when they brought you, I knew then I had to do something. Not just for you, but for all your people." My voice was at a whisper. "I don't wish to be here. I have nothing against your people, the Jews, even the Gypsies and homosexuals they also are executing alongside you."
"Then why are you here?" It was obvious she truly wanted to know.
"I was forced to be here by my father. After my mother died, the only thing I could do was obey him." She still looked at me as if everything I said was a lie. "You'd better go into the barracks," I murmured quietly as she stood up and handed my jacket back. In turn, I reached into the pocket and gave her the bread I'd been saving. I had actually procured two pieces that night. "One for your mother, too." Her beautiful pale lips parted in shock, but never less she took the food from my hand. She was so close, I could reach out and touch her, kiss her, hold her…
She interrupted my thoughts. "What is your name?"
"Faulk." And with that, she turned around and headed into the cold, threadbare barracks, leaving me alone with my thoughts in the howling night.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ As I climbed into my cot, mother uttered a thanks to Yahweh. "My child!" She hugged me tightly to her and placed a kiss upon my forehead. "I was so worried." She'd been crying, and instantly I felt guilt. Maybe I should take the guard's offer; I had to keep myself alive for her, I couldn't leave her alone. I pulled out the bread I'd been given and placed it in her hand. "It was him."
She seemed actually joyful when I explained to her what had went on, and this was something I was genuinely puzzled at. "This is a God-send, Analise!" She whispered, her eyes wide and full of excitement. "A guard has taken to you! He has already shown you special treatment. Maybe if he falls in love with you he could help us escape!" I looked at her in utter horror. "Mother, he is a Nazi… an SS guard! Are you saying I should…give myself to him?" To my repulsion, she hesitated. My mother had always taught me to be virtuous, to save myself for my husband, and here she was implying I should have an affair with the enemy! "No, but you can at least pretend to fall in love with him." Her hand tightly gripped mine. "For my sake. For our sake, Analise." A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "I just want us to get out of here, so we can be safe and find everyone else." I leaned over and kissed her forehead, and she responded with a wary half-smile. "Goodnight, dear." She then rolled over and promptly fell fast asleep, leaving me alone in the silence.
My conscious was in deep battle with my mind. Common sense told me this man could protect me if I let him, but my heart and morals told me otherwise. He had promised it wouldn't be that sort of relationship, but who was I to believe a Nazi?
The next morning in roll call, I studied him. He was attractive, there was no denying the fact. He was over six feet tall, but on the thinner side. His hair was a light brown, straight and short. He had a strong nose and jaw. But what was most arresting were his eyes. Deep emerald green, a color I'd never seen before, which was strikingly beautiful. The expression in them was what was disturbing- it was if he constantly was in pain. I didn't quite understand it. Once, he caught my eyes as he was counting the block. I instantly looked away, my cheeks flushing a deep red. I still hadn't made up my mind if I was going to be receptive to this Faulk man or not.
"Analise, have you seen Aunt Tamar today?" Mother asked me as we walked from the factory after a day's work. I shook my head. "She wasn't here yesterday either…was she?" It was usual for us to walk back with her daily, and I know mother looked forward to speaking with her sister daily. I saw slight fear flit in my mother's eyes.
"Tamar? The lady in block 5?" My heart instantly skipped a beat as an unfamiliar woman approached us, obviously overhearing our conversation. "Y-yes…she is my sister. Do you know of her?" Mother was holding her breath. The lady's countenance softened at us. "They came for her, two nights ago. She screamed and screamed for them to not take her. They must have noticed her odd behavior. She became paranoid they would take her, and they did. I'm not sure what they did to her. Poor woman. I'm sorry." She gripped both of our hands before walking away.
"Mother, I'm so sorry." Pain tore at me for my aunt, who had let fear overtake her so much it was what caused her sad fate. They'd thought her insane, a mad woman, when she was only scared. I suddenly felt nauseous at the thought of the tests they'd run on her, if it was anything like my dreams…
Tears were running down my mother's face, and she had to stop a moment to collect herself. Her only sibling was gone. I closed my eyes, and deep down inside I had come to a decision. I would do my best to make Faulk fall in love with me, to protect us, and if Yahweh allowed, get me and my mother out of this hell-hole.