mitral or aortic insufficiency. That's basically where one of your heart valves have torn up edges and cannot close properly, leaking blood back out. Can be caused by a disease, etc and causes a heart murmur. Generally not good for your health, of course.

Insufficiently Me

January 17th, 2012

.

Feel trapped in my

echo-complex closet of a mind.

In this aching, buried heat

grasping, continuously,

I jump and reach,

stretching to my muscle's extent

begging for the apple in the limelight.

.

I am bleeding

up upon the twigs and branches,

they hold me like a fragile

creature, and I am frozen

in your beauty.

Struck mute by your voice

that shot through my larynx like

electricity. I ache for your

touch again.

.

If I could capture you

cupped inside my hands,

I would never let you escape

even if the frostbite threatens to

numb my extended digits off of their

arthritic joints.

.

I am addicted to your

resonant voice

your ugliness in

exclusivity. I would

lock you in my little

secret box if there were air holes

to breathe through, or water to drink.

.

But inside I am suffocation.

I am overwhelming and burdened and

begged with the prospect of leaving life

to ditch such ideals so I can

lay crippled beneath you

at your feet, bleeding like a

haemophiliac

struggling like

your connection to this outlet.

.

And as all the lambs are

lay, prostrated below you-

you dare never to glance and

I am perplexed- exhaustively,

perpetually, unendingly in a strain

of torn ligaments and ripped muscle.

.

I am constantly with you,

like the rough edges of your

valiantly pumping heart valves.

They regurgitate as I lap

the loss up eagerly, hoping

you'll never notice.

.

I am unseen, but you can feel me,

can't you? You can feel your blood

volume shrinking weakly and surely,

as I am yours alone. You do not?

Oh, but you will. You will see me.

You will feel me. I thirst for the

erythrocytic spill and failure

as long as you remain singing.

.

As long as you are in these frail hands,

I will take you tumbling down

into cold water. I was insufficient,

like these heart valves.