Chapter 24: "My hormones are perfectly fine, I'll have you know!"

The second day of the examinations. The subjects the students have to tackle are...

Oh who cares about the exams?

Fast forward to the end of the day.

The school bells rang. The students of class 3-1 cheered and threw their papers in the air as the second day through hell was finally over.

The teacher in charge picked up everyone's test papers and cradled the stack in his arms. He frowned as he saw the person sitting at the very last row.

A certain black-haired teen slumped over his desk, sleeping. Drool leaked down his lips as he dreamt of something so explicit, mentioning it will earn this story an M-rating.

"Wake up Reiji!" Yukino poked at him with a sharp pencil. "The exam's over! Wake up and face me like a man!"

"WAAAAAAH!" Reiji snapped awake and fell off his chair. It wasn't the pain from the sharp pencil that did it. It was something terrifying from his dream that is so explicit, mentioning it will earn this story an M-rating.

"What is wrong with you, woman?!" Reiji ignored the truth and yelled at her.

"Excuse me as I make myself non-relevant to the story." The nameless teacher grabbed his paper and dashed off.

Yukino confidently puffed out her shapely chest, completely forgoing the teacher's existence. "I want to beat you at your best! If I won while you were slacking off, that means I've lost!"

"Gah, why can't she shut up...?" Reiji tried to crawl away from the green-haired girl.

"Where do you think you're going?!" Yukino yelled at him fiercely.

"Away." He looked back at her with a frown. "Problem?"

The doors at the front of the class slid open as a golden-haired girl walked in. She was fidgeting as she approached Reiji.

"Alice. You look really... " Reiji furrowed his eyebrows. "Tense. Is something bothering you?"

"N-No!" She tensed up. "I mean yes! Uhm... No, but in a yes kind of no way!"

Reiji was slack jawed. "What."

"Sekigahara-san..." Yukino kicked Reiji away and walked up to Alice. "If you need something, you can always ask me. I'll be glad to provide any kind of help I can."

"(But she's never glad to help me...)" Reiji thought as he looked away, rubbing the very spine he got kicked at.

"Are you a great cook?" Alice's eyes glimmered as she looked at Yukino.

Yukino gasped. "I uh... I don't cook much." She poked her index fingers against one another repeatedly. "I mean, I never cooked. I actually did once but... The kitchen was out of commission for several days after that."

"Oh." Was Alice's complicated response.

"Why do you need a cook anyway?" Yukino asked her. "Are you hungry?"

Alice shook her head.

Yukino continued. "Do you want to cook something?"

Alice nodded.

"Oh... So you want to get cooking lessons." Yukino pretty much figured out what the girl was thinking. "Ah, I can bring you to the culinary facility. But right now, it's probably empty. All the members are probably studying. I don't think anyone's free to teach you."

Alice gloomed up. "I see..." She pointed at Reiji who was staring at blank air. "He knows how to cook."

"Him?" Yukino turned to him. "But he's a guy!"

Reiji gritted his teeth. "You sexist bi-"

"Do you know how to bake a cake?" Alice cut him off as she raised a question.

"Cake huh?" Reiji leaned against a desk. "I've baked a lot during the Valentine's Day craze. I think I can recall the recipe but I think I'll get sued if I told you what it was."

Daisuke suddenly spoke up from the behind him. "Mongrels, those cakes are fudging patented!"

"Huh?" Reiji turned around only to see him disappear like a ninja.

"Don't think about him too hard." Yukino grumbled.

"So you can teach me right?" Alice neared the red-eyed boy. "I want to bake a cake!"

"You can always just place an order from the culinary club..." Reiji muttered. "They do that, right?"

"But I want the cake by tomorrow." Alice stated.

"Why?" Yukino asked the girl.

"Uhm..." Alice pouted. "My friend's birthday is tomorrow and I wanted to get her a cake..."

"Oh." Yukino simply stared blankly at her. "I can just place an order right here, right now, and have it delivered via helicopter."

"But I want to make it myself, with my own two hands!" Alice raised her slender fingers up into the sky. "Presents are much more meaningful when they come straight from the heart!"

"..."

"..."

Silence.

The genius pair broke down into laughter.

"What's so funny?" Alice's cheeks turned red as she watched them trying to stop themselves from rolling on the floor. "I mean it!"

"Oh wait what?" Reiji suddenly stopped, taking quick breaths. "You were serious? Damn, that line was seriously cheesy I thought you were kidding."

"I wasn't." She looked at him with a pouty face.

"You weren't?" Yukino was almost about to drop flat on the floor. "Really?"

"Really." Alice replied.

"Damn." Reiji smacked his forehead. "Sorry about that laughing fit I guess..."

"It's okay..." Alice bit her lip as she nervously glanced away. "So can we get started? I want to get the cake done quickly."

"Do you know where the culinary facility is, Reiji?" Yukino glared at the boy coldly.

"We have a culinary facility?" Reiji's response came out sarcastic.

Yukino sighed. "Come, I'll show you the way."

vvvvvvvvvvvv

Yukino had leaded the two out of the school building and into another block just beside the track field. They both stared around in awe like foreigners in a different country, mostly because they've never bothered to observe the school directly after school when the students are carrying out their activities and hobbies, what few of them there may be at the moment.

"This is the culinary facility." Yukino pushed the doors open. "They don't usually let anyone barge in and cook, but I can give you special permission as long as neither of you escapes my line of sight."

"You're part of the culinary club?" Reiji asked as he stepped into the facility. "Holy-" He was mesmerized by what he saw.

Rows and rows of counters, all neatly lined up like stations. There were too many for either three to be bothered to count. Each row consisted of its own oven, stove and various appliances to ease up the cooking processes.

"Whoa...!" Alice's eyes were sparkling as she stared at it.

"Are you people trying to host a competition?" Reiji turned to the green-haired girl. "This whole place is just way too big for 'club activities'."

"All of the parent's money HAS to go somewhere..." Yukino rolled her eyes. "Anyway, just get started please." She walked over to the teacher's table at the front and took a seat. "I'll wait here till you're done."

Reiji could only groan at the student council president as she stared at them intently. "I'll go get the ingredients from the pantry. And they should probably have some aprons I could use."

"Okay..." Alice nodded as she saw him off.

The two girls were left alone together as Reiji entered the pantry. Yukino felt the urge to make conversation, but all thoughts ceased the moment a certain someone's scream could be heard coming from the pantry.

"OH MY GOD THEY HAVE EVERYTHING I COULD DREAM OF!"

5 minutes later...

"And this is all the stuff we're gonna need." Reiji placed a basket full of ingredients on the front-most station. He then slid a black apron across the counter to Alice. "You should put that on."

She stared it down. "This is..." She closed her eyes and let her knowledge tell her what she was supposed to do with it. "(Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na Batmaaaaaaaaan!)"

Reiji put on a similar apron, his eyes closed as he tied the knot around his back. When he looked at Alice, his jaw dropped.

She was wearing it the other way around, on her back, like some sort of cape. "This is how you wear this... Right?"

"No!" Reiji pointed at his apron. "Like this! Turn it around!"

"Oh..." Alice spun the apron around her neck. It was still hanging there, the threads to tie it sloppily hanging down.

Reiji twirled his finger to signal her to turn around. "Let me get that..." He then crouched down and tied a knot with the threads. "There."

"Thank you..." Alice smiled as she looked at him over her shoulders.

"(Don't stare at her ass... Don't stare at her ass!)" Reiji made a mantra as he stood up, his eyes shut tightly. "Uh, you did want a chocolate cake right?"

"What do you think is best?" Alice asked as she turned around to him.

"I usually do chocolate cakes anyway, so I hope Shion likes it too." Reiji smiled as he crouched and opened the counter's drawers.

"Eh?!" Alice fidgeted when she heard Shion's name. "How did you know it was Shion's birthday?"

"Well, who else?" Reiji took out a large mixing bowl from the drawer. "You don't talk to anyone but her. And that guy in the tuxedo. But I highly doubt you'd bake a cake for him. He'd probably think it's an invitation for some extreme activities."

"It's that obvious..." Alice frowned as she looked away.

"Nothing to be embarrassed about." Reiji placed the bowl on the table. "I'm jealous. The only person I ever talk to is you." He could sense a gloomy feeling coming from her. "N-Not saying you're boring or anything! Just... Well... People connect to you so much easier than they do to me."

Alice just stared at him. "I'm sorry..."

"What? No! Don't apologize!" Reiji took a whisk out from the drawer. "Let's not talk about this now. Anyway, do you want me to just make the cake or would you like to help?"

"I want to personally bake the cake." Alice responded.

"So you want me to teach you how to cook...?" A sweat rolled down Reiji's cheek. "Damn."

"Don't you dare try the behind-the-back-arm-guide stance with Sekigahara-san!" Yukino shouted at him.

"I wasn't planning to!" He shouted back. "(There goes THAT idea...)" He sighed as he handed the whisk over to Alice. "Okay, you know how to use this , right?"

"You beat eggs with it." Alice replied.

"Good, makes things easy." Reiji handed her a bowl. "I'll sift the flour while you beat the eggs."

Alice nodded as she took a small bowl from the drawer and placed three eggs in it. After that, she started smashing said eggs with her whisk, the egg shells flying all over the place.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Reiji grabbed her hand to make her stop.

"I'm beating the eggs." She answered stoically.

He buried his face in his palms. "Agh... I have a feeling this is going to be a long day..."

Yukino was almost falling asleep. "Please don't take too long, even I have things I need to get done. Like sleep." Her phone suddenly rang from her chest pocket, playing a 2-bit rendition of the theme song to Doraemon. She answered the call. "Mhm?"

Reiji and Alice stared at her as if they've never seen anyone on the phone.

Yukino placed her phone back into the pocket. "I'm sorry, but I have to go now. Student council stuff. The both of you will have to go now."

"But we haven't even started!" Reiji said.

"I can't just leave you two alone here, can I?" Yukino frowned at him. "Especially you with your raging hormones."

"My hormones are perfectly fine, I'll have you know!" Reiji screamed at her.

"Please, Yukino...?" Alice put her hands together, as if to beg. "We'll just bake one cake then we'll go. I promise!"

Yukino stared at her for a whole minute. "Fine." She sighed as she stood up and walked to the door. "Just this once. Don't do anything so explicit that it'll give the story an M-label."

"What?" Reiji tilted his head.

"I... I don't know why I said that." A sweat rolled down her cheek as she pulled the door open. "Look, just don't do anything that's... You know." She pointed at a semi-sphere on the ceiling. "There's security cameras, so don't think you'd get away with it." She closed the door shut as she left.

"Wow, there're security cameras too?" Reiji stared at the one Yukino showed them. "Sheesh, is this a university or a school? Next thing I know, there's a golf course and a bowling alley!"

Little did Reiji know about the irony of that last sentence...

"Uhm, so... We're alone now...?" Alice was fidgeting uncomfortably as she said that.

Reiji rolled his eyes toward her. "I guess so..." His eyes widened as his imagination played with his mind. The Alice in his eyes was wearing a frilly white apron and nothing else, exposing her entire backside. "(Dammit, Yukino was right about those raging hormones! Calm yourself Reiji! Don't let your mind win this battle! Don't-)"

"Why are you sweating?" Alice asked him in an innocent tone.

"Oh! Uh... Ah...!" A million lies formed inside Reiji's head. "I had to assemble a nuclear reactor just now for the examination!" He chose the most ridiculous.

"I see..." Alice looked down toward the floor. "Being in the first class must be hard..."

A blush emerged on his face. "(Hard... Hard... Hard...)" Reiji bit his tongue to punish himself for the thought. "Aaaaanyway! Let's just bake this cake and get out!"

"Are you busy too?" Alice stared into his red eyes. "You seem to be in a hurry."

"(No innuendo, good job Alice.)" Reiji congratulated her in his mind. "So, what do you know about cooking?"

"Nothing." Alice answered with a hint of humility. "I never cooked before. Not once. I always had my butlers and maids do it for me."

"Do you at least know how to operate an oven?" Reiji could pretty much guess what her answer would be.

"What's an oven...?" Was Alice's 'answer'.

Admittedly, Reiji's unstated guess was wrong. "This is going to be a long day..." He glanced at her for a moment, just to see his imagination's rendition of Alice in nothing but a frilly apron. "A really long day..."

vvvvvvvvvvv

Daisuke's Speculations On The True Meaning Of Life!

Daisuke: Life. Is like a lemon. It has no plot. It has no meaning.Everything is merely a silly coincidence. No one actually cares about it. For anything other than the raunchy scenes between their favourite yaoi bait.

Masaya: You're talking about THAT lemon?

Daisuke: I see no reason not to. That is essentially life. We can't care for anything other than the pleasures, what little there may be.

Masaya: Stop trying to sound deep.

Daisuke: Given that, this story seems to be tackling the main fact of life. It has no plot. That is essentially what this story is. Plotless. Just like life itself. Acknowledge it, is your life about fighting an evil empire with a giant robot? Is it about dating a ghost? Is it about escaping a virtual reality game? In the end, the answer is no. We're all living our lives just for the sake of living. And that is essentially what this story is trying to capture. The beauty of life. The beauty of living without a plot.

Masaya: I don't know if you're being smart or just trolling...

Daisuke: *singing* Your futile existence has no meaaaaaaaaning!

Masaya: Yep, probably trolling.