Bob the Investigator and the Alien Invaders

At a laboratory somewhere…

Scientists have discovered a UFO heading toward the Earth.

John (a scientist): Joe.

Joe: Yes, John?

John: I've identified the UFO. It comes from the planet Elphido.

Joe: OK, so is there anyway to stop it?

John: The only way to stop it is to get the stupidest person in the world to stop them.

Joe: Who's the stupidest person in the world, then?

John: I don't know, but I say we should recruit local investigators to help. Who is there?

Joe: Well, there's Sam the Investigator and Bob the Investigator. Sam's out of town, so we'll get Bob the Investigator.

At the office of Bob the Investigator…

John and Joe walk in.

John: Hello, Bob the Investigator. We…

Bob: One moment. Ryan and I are throwing pies at my neighbor. Take this Ben!

Bob and Ryan continually throw pies out the window.

John (whispering): This might be the one, Joe.

When Bob and Ryan stop, Bob sits down at his desk and Ryan stands next to him.

John: What's 2+2?

Bob: Cake.

John: What food starts with C and ends with ake.

Bob: November 15th.

John: What state is New York City in?

Bob: Mexico.

John: Say, we could use a guy like you. Why don't you come to our laboratory?

Bob: OK.

Ryan: Can I come too?

John: Sure.

Later at the laboratory…

Bob and Ryan arrive.

John: Welcome, Bob the Investigator and Ryan. Please follow me.

Bob and Ryan follow John.

John: We're working on a rocket ship for a mission to stop alien invaders.

Ryan: What is that, a new type of toothpaste?

John: No, real alien invaders.

Ryan: You mean you want me and Bob to go into outer space, stop alien invaders and bring back space smoothies?

John: I haven't said that yet, but yes.

Ryan: OK, but I've had space smoothies before. They're not that good.

John: How could you have had space smoothies before?

Ryan: I've stolen 3 rockets from your space program.

John: Well, then forget the smoothies. Here's the rocket ship that will take you into outer space.

Bob: Wait a minute. How much are you going to pay us?

John: I'm thinking around… $2 to be split between the two of you.

Bob: That's fine. What about you Ryan?

Ryan: OK, but don't try pulling any tricks on me Bob. We're going to split it even. You get $1.20 and I get $0.80.

John: By any chance, when did you drop out of school?

Ryan: What's school?

John: That explains a lot.

Ryan: Do you know what a school is Bob?

Bob: It's a chool with an s in front of it.

John: Somehow that makes sense. Anyway, you two take off tomorrow.

The Next Day…

Bob and Ryan get in the rocket. John talks to them over their headsets.

John: You two ready?

Bob: Yes.

Ryan: No.

John: Why not?

Ryan: I don't have a watch.

John: What do you need a watch for?

Ryan: For ticking people off.

Joe: Prepare for countdown. 5…4…3…2…1… blast off!

The rocket is launched into outer space. Bob and Ryan look out in front of them and see the UFO.

Bob: OK, we see the UFO. Now what do we do?

Ryan: I don't know. John didn't explain.

John (through headsets): Bob, Ryan, can you hear me?

Bob: Yes, we hear you.

John: Good. Now, the aliens will stop to talk with you since their UFO has no weapons attached to it. Use your word play to stop them.

Bob: You've got it.

Like John said, the 2 aliens stop. They get out of their UFO and Bob and Ryan get out of the rocket ship.

Alien #1: Who are you two?

Bob: We're astronauts. You can tell by our space suits.

Alien #2: Astronaut? That's a city on our planet. It's very nice there. We've got hot dogs.

Bob: How do they taste?

Alien #2: Taste? Why would you eat a dog? Especially when it's got a fever!

Ryan: This is going to be harder than we thought.

Bob: Why do you want to take over the Earth?

Alien #1: Our leader wants to use it as a playground for his children.

The aliens get out ray guns.

Alien #2: Now we shall destroy you and continue our quest.

Bob: Wait a minute; can't we talk this over lunch?

Back on Earth…

At a Lunch Café…

Alien #1: I love this bean dip. I'm sure our leader would prefer this to the whole planet.

Bob: I'll tell you what. You can come back to Earth and take all the bean dip you want as long as you don't invade the Earth.

Aliens #1 and #2: Deal!

The aliens take 50 cups of bean dip and get back into their UFO and leave. John and Joe walk in.

John: You did it! Thank you, Bob the Investigator and Ryan. We'd love to make you both official astronauts.

Bob: No thanks. There's really no one in outer space to annoy.

The End