C.H.A.P.T.E.R.O.N.E.

And now, here I am, laid on my bed and awaiting my first day of school. Oh the joy. I'm so very excited...

I think I might be being a bit of a sarcastic moo.

Doesn't matter anyway. I guess... this is really the point where I should explain things a little better, right? Sorry, I'm not quite used to the whole 'talk about my own life' thing. I'm more of the 'talk about other people's life and stay in the background' person. You see, all my life, I've been put down. Shunned if you will. I've always been told that I don't deserve anything good, or any attention, because I wasn't meant to be. Nothing was meant to be...

Who said this? A big bully. A big bully who I need to stay away from. Way away from. And yes, that takes it to the extent where I am now. Lying around in a newly decorated 'masculine' room, with football posters (I don't even like football!) new wardrobe, and oh look, new hair! Here are the joys of being Alley Jerome- Oh sorry, Alex Feminam. Who came up with that name really? It sounds like some sort of miracle cream.

I'm not too keen on any boys to be honest. In my opinion, they are separated into two different categories. One, the mindless baboons. The ones that can roll on the floor laughing at one simple little mistake. For example, if someone were to 'box' instead of 'remote' or something simple like that. And number two, the complete and utter arse holes that just do anything to seem 'cool'. For example, a lot of these will pick on the prey of the school. The nerds, the cowards, and... the new kids. Which is me...

Get out the violin and play me a sad song please.

Anyhow, I'm around 16, and in my last year of my apparently new school. Ugh, I had no idea how this was going to work. It wasn't like I had a booming low voice. Sure, it was low for a girl, but I'm not meant to be a girl! I'm meant to be some boy... I guess, since my boobies (heh, boobies) are depressingly small, they won't really show up, but... I mean come on. So many things could show that I was a girl! Just the freaking fact that I have a GIRL'S VOICE!

I sat up on my bed, and swivelled my legs around, looking over to the wardrobe and the green school uniform. Oh what fun this'll be...

After I had dressed and what not, I slumped down the stairs, footsteps heavy as I dragged my feet into the kitchen and got out the cereal with a sigh. Dreaded school was coming. And I was not amused. "Oh I know sweetheart, I know." My mum came over comfortingly, and wrapped her arms around me again. "It'll be okay soon sweetheart. Once everything's sorted, we can go back to our old life if you really want to."

Yeah, like that'll happen. Things have been tough my whole life. I doubt something as obscure as turning me into a transvestite will do anything to help me. Probably will just embarrass the living shit out of me. For you see, I have no idea how the male mind works. To me, all men seem to do is drink beer and scratch their crotch all day long. Stereotyping? Yes. Fake? Of course not. "Can't I just stay here or... Hide under a rock or... go move to Canada or something?" I asked, slightly hopeful about the rock option. My mum raised an eyebrow at me, and tilted her head.

"Why Canada?"

"Eh, I heard people are nice in Canada, but American's blame Canada for stuff. Or, that's what I heard on South Park anyways..." I shrugged a little, and then sighed, looking to my feet.

My mum frowned at me, and then simply handed me my shoulder bag with my new school stuff in it. "Listen sweetheart, I'm sure it won't be as bad as it seems. Just go and try to live with it."

I looked up to mum, and sighed, knowing she was right. God I hated it when she was right... "Yeah, okay..." I mumbled, kissing her on the cheek. I did love my mum. She was always there for me when I needed her and all that corny jazz, but sometimes, I just feel like she baby's me a little...

"If you really hate it that much, I'll come and pick you up? Okay sugar pie? And remember, I love you very, very much."

See what I mean?

"Yeah, okay mum. I'll see you later." I mumbled, walking to the door and putting an earphone in. Ugh, hopefully the music will dampen out the feeling of misery and anger. I never used to be depressed and emo-ish you know? I think it's come from being a guy. See, everything is because I'm a guy now! Being a guy sucks!

The whole journey to school went quicker than I had hoped, and unfortunately, in no time I was at my first class. The teacher requested I stood at the front to introduce myself and what not. And then there I stood -brown hair slightly in eyes as I shyly dug my toe in the ground. Wait, that's not a very dude-like position, is it? I stopped burrowing my toe and kinda stumbled as I reassembled into a more steady position, feet shoulder width apart and shoving my hands in my pockets. And still head low. Oh the joys of self humiliation with a side order of sham...

Apparently, whilst worrying too much about my macho nacho position, I had missed everyone sitting in their seats, and the embarrassing introduction from the teacher. And I presume I had probably missed a question that was directed at me. Why? Well now, I was left in a silent room, all eyes on me and a gut feeling that everyone was waiting for a response from me. So here I am, stood in a new class, without a bloody clue about what I was meant to say. Crap. I decided to take a guess, and did what I normally did in this kind of situation. "Yes." I commended, nodding gently.

EH EH! Obviously the wrong thing to say, as laughter erupted all around me, with stupid boys slapping high fives with each other as if it was something as good as stand up in the O2. "Nice name, Yes!" One yelled out, practically falling out of his seat laughing.

Ah... That went wrong...

"No, I mean, um... My name is A... Alex Feniminum." Now even the teacher laughed at me. What? What could I possibly have said that was that funny?

"Don't you mean Feminam?" Oh... Shit... What kid can't even say their own fake surname properly?

"Y-yeah. That's right..." I murmured, lowering my head and trying to prevent myself from blushing. That'd be way too feminine for a boy. Oh God, this was not going well. The teacher swatted her hands at all the baboons that were howling with laughter, and tried to hush them. You know how I mentioned the two categories earlier? Well these boys are what will fit into category one.

It wasn't even that funny. Was it? It was all the boys anyway. All the girls had a little giggle, and then moved on. See, girls were just so much more understanding. Why did I have to pretend to be a boy? Why?

"Well, it's okay Alex, please just take your seat at the back of the class." I sighed, tugging my small black Justdoit bag up my shoulder, and avoiding the mocking faces that stared at me with big, but beady eyes. All of those stupid boys, just deriding my clumsy mistake. I would rather not say what kind of comments I got as I slumped down in my seat. They were just degrading. But I'll let you know now; one of them muttered something about a high voice, whilst another muttered I was incredibly small –for a boy. Told you! Told you this was going to go tits up!

"Hey. New kid." I turned my head to my left and saw a nerdy girl, smiling at me in a friendly manner. "That was funny. I guess you were nervous, right?" I just lowered my head from her, not really taking in that she was actually wanting to talk and was just presuming that she was taking the piss. Well to be fair, everyone else in that class seemed like they were, so how could I know that she'd be any different? Now, it was time to zone out from every little thing around me, and just think about other things. Like cookies, or South Park. Or beavers! Yeah... beavers... "I'm Delaney."

I turned my head towards the girl again, and looked her over, tilting my head and finally realising, she wasn't a Mickey-taker. She was a rather skinny –stick-figure skinny- short girl with waist length flame orange hair that flowed in little crinkles, but up in a ponytail. Black box-shaped glasses, smart attire, and slightly spotty skin. Not very noticeable at first glance, but still, noticeable when you're staring at a girl creepily like I just was. I shook out of it, looking to her and giving her a second-long smile. "Alex." I replied, going to turn forwards.

"I know." Delaney replied quickly, before I could even turn about a millimetre. "You did just introduce yourself, dummy." I looked to her, and saw her smile, automatically assuming she was joking. That did sound like a joke right? Yeah, it sounded like a joke. It was safe to laugh. I chuckled –attempting the muchacho macho way to laugh, and then smiled over to her. She smiled back light-heartedly and then looked up to the board. "So, where were you before this?"

I blinked. Someone trying to make conversation with me. Even with my little flurry at the front of the class. Wow, I think I like this girl. "Um, Dublin." I replied, only just wondering whether I should've been faking an Irish accent... Damn, a bit too late to think about that.

"Really?" She asked, and I could hear a hint of surprise in her voice. Great..."You don't sound very Irish."

I smiled, and attempted to laugh. Improv. time? Crap... "Um, yeah, I'm not Irish." I'm not? Okay... Where am I going with this? "The thing is, I'm originally from... Nottingham... Yeah, and I kinda moved from there, to Ireland, to here. It's my mum. She just can't stay in one place." I chuckled (Man chuckle) nervously at the situation, before turning and pretending to be listening to the teacher. Damnit, I need to work out what my back story is, because now, I apparently originally came from Nottingham... Which I didn't...

"Well... that's cool." Wow... Is this girl gullible or am I dreaming that things are going a little too well? "Do you wanna co\me hang around with me and my friends at break? It's hard being the new kid, so I want you to feel a little less... Aaah!" Delaney giggled a little, and then smiled at me, and I looked back at her in slight bewilderment. Okay... This girl was... Nice... Extremely nice. I've been at this school less than an hour, and already, someone wants to get to know me. This is amazingly weird!

"Um, okay... Where do I go?" I asked, making sure my voice didn't go too feminine, and still sounded like a man. Yeah, man power!

Delaney shrugged calmly, and giggled a little. "Just make your way to the canteen, and meet me there. I'm sure I'll be able to pick you out of the crowd." Okay. That sounded simple enough, didn't it? Just go to the canteen, and look around for Delaney. What could be easier?

Oh... a lot of things...

Entering the small cafeteria took long enough, with an endless line of kids very slowly sauntering in through the door like turtles. No, make that slow turtles. Slow turtles with weights in their pockets to hold them back. They were all gossiping and chatting like there was no end to any conversation on Earth, and we slowly moved in as one through the door. I could hear the chaos from outside, but now, it was deafening. The madness of kids wailing to each other from different sides of the room. The howls of cheer whenever a china plate smashed against the ground. All the crimson faced teachers reproaching large groups of kids to try and get some discipline within the uneasy room. Every little part of it made me want to rip my ears off and put plugs straight through my ear drums.

"Move out the way!" A voice snarled behind me, and I recoiled in alarm, trying to move, but just hurdling straight into the path of another kid.

"Watch where you're going, idiot." I flinched again, and then found myself hopping about here there and everywhere, trying to move out of the way of too many people and now looking like I was doing the bunny hop. Oh sweet lord! Why were there so many people in here! This was just chaotic. I need to get out!

This time, I was shoved brutally out the way, and tumbled into another person, before stumbling to the ground and about to be trampled on by the traffic of the canteen.

"Oh it's just that new kid, being a twit."

"He's lame, dude..."

I bit my lip and tried to get to my feet, but too many people were passing by and there just wasn't any space to put my feet down and stand up. People were laughing. Laughing at me. And all I could do was sit on the floor and take it. I don't like it here. I really don't like it. I cradled my head in my hands and just hid myself by the bin. How degrading. Finding Delaney had pretty much passed my mind by now, as I couldn't even get to my feet. What the hell? I can't even go to the canteen here without being shoved about like garbage. This was just horrible. Why did I have to be put through this? No one else would have to. It's just me. It's always, just me.

"Hey, check out the feeble little newb in the corner..." I peered through my fingers and up to who was addressing people about me, and up there standing boldly and smugly above me stood a rather pompous looking boy. He had spiked blonde hair that was gelled out of his eyes and looked rather similar to the hairstyles of the boys around him, though he appeared to be the centre of the little group. Like he was leader. Mafia boss. Gordon Ramsey. "Looks more like a mole, the way it's curled up like that." He sneered, laughing along with his little minions.

"Nice one Crawford!"

"Yeah, he does look like a mole! Stupid little mole!"

Well, it looks like I've found an example for category two...The boy chuckled, bending forward and looking me in the eye, scrutinizing me with a little glaring smirk. I leaned back as he leant forwards, out of reflexes, but his face was still mere inches from mine. "Who are you?" He interrogated tranquilly, behind still poised in the air as he bent down to smirk at me more, noses inches apart.

I bit my lip, and tried not to let it out with a stutter, but being in my wound up state, I couldn't quite do it. "A-A-Alex f-f-Eminem." My voice came out particularly high, and I coughed, trying to clear my throat and man it up. "Alex Feminem."

"I thought it was Feminam." One of the minions piped up and I bit my lip. Why can't I say that bloody name? The boy, earlier referred to as Crawford, turned to me with his eyebrow raised, a little grin piercing through his lips.

"Sounds more like feminine to me. You a little girly boy?" I didn't respond and just lowered my head, causing him to laugh. He spitefully pushed my head back by pressing his palm to my forehead, imposing me to stare at his smug mug. "Don't ignore me, Mole boy." He said, pushing my head back little more before removing his hand and standing up straight. "You have no authority to ignore Tarquin Crawford, do you understand?" I simply lowered my head again, hiding my face in my arms. My stomach had turned into ribbons and fear overwhelmed me. I'd never been put in this situation before...

Yet again, I heard laughs, but this time not from Crawford. Instead, from Crawford, I felt his foot hammering at my side over and over again, making me wince and hold back screaming out. "Did you not hear me, Mole?" I burrowed my head more, closing my eyes and biting my lip, certain to just try and stand the pain and ignore him until him and his followers walked away. I've been through much worse. Surely I can stand this until he left. "Answer me, God damnit!"

"Crawford, what the hell are you doing?" I rejoiced inside as a new voice was heard, sounding defensive, and cross at the bully. Please say it's a teacher, please say it's a teacher!

"It's none of your business Arse hole." Crawford replied ...Somehow now, I'm not sure it was a teacher that said that. "I'm just educating the new kid about who he shouldn't ignore..." Sniggers and titters were around me in response to this, and I burrowed my head further down into the corner of my arm. Bloody hell, this was a nightmare.

"Piss off Crawford, leave the poor kid alone!" I heard Crawford snort, and I felt another kick in the side, letting out a little groan as he did it this time. My side had gone numb, and I had a feeling there'd be a mark there next time I looked. I wanted to cry so much. I was achy, and terrified. I just wanted to scream out and run away, call up my mum and go home. This was just all too much for me right now.

But after a few more squabbles and a little bit of shuffling, it got a little less horrific around me, and I assumed that Crawford had finally led his followers away, leaving me to tremble next to the garbage filled dustbin like a frightened rat. I just kept my eyes closed and held back tears, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. What kind of dude did this? No guy was wimpy enough that they'd hide by a bin and need someone else to defend them. Any other guy would turn it into a brawl of fisticuffs, no matter how pathetic it would turn out. But not this one. Not the girl who was trying to be a guy and was ultimately failing. The guy getting a reputation of a total loser and dwindling down to the bottom of the dog pile. Not... Not me.

"Hey, dude, it's okay, just look at me." I hesitated a moment, still feeling myself quiver and shake, before I slowly unclenched the screwed up strands of hair in my hands and unsteadily lifted my head up to my 'rescuer', looking up timidly to see... A boy. A boy around my age, that didn't look like he was a mindless baboon, or a complete arse hole, like those other boys were. I couldn't place him into... either category. He was smiling. And smiling gently. To me. Smiling and giving me the little comfort I needed right now. He had a sweet complexion with big azure blue eyes. Soft raven black locks that hung over his eyes, a little like mine did, and had a few flicks standing up at the back, yet it did not look messy. It looked... good. He had a sturdy build, and was someone that would definitely catch the eyes of girls on the street. Probably including myself. Everything about him, every little detail made my stomach twist, and I felt a little light headed. It could be from the beating I just received, but... it could be him. He could be the one to make me feel nicer and calmer, and help me to relax more.

He smiled at me more when I looked into his eyes, and then reached over, catching my breath as he held my shoulder and asked me one simple question. "Are you okay?"

I tried to find my breath, but just couldn't. I was too out of it to catch onto the fact that I was meant to respond to his question. His sweet concerned question. Maybe I should try to say something. Just anything. It doesn't matter what.

"Pickle in the cookie jar." I replied gratefully, before my eyes widened, and I held my mouth in mortification. Why the bloody hell did I say that? Pickle in the cookie jar? What did that mean? I don't know why I even opened my mouth... I felt my cheeks start to go warm, and assumed I was starting to turn the shade of crimson. Bloody crimson. Bloody boys. Bloody everything!

Without further word, or a second to see his reaction, I leapt to my feet, and darted in and out of the canteen traffic, holding my mouth with tears streaming from my eyes. Oh. My. God! Why did I just say that to him? What kind of kid gets helped by a really cute guy, and then as a response to this, talks about pickles being in cookie jars? Oh, this is by far the most humiliating day ever! I can't be a boy, and I can't talk to boys! What's wrong with me?

I really wish I was hidden under a rock right now.

Okay, is anyone else having problems with doc manager? Mines coming out in the code form and I can't turn it off... So I've had real trouble trying to upload it this week... Um, yeah, anyway. This is chapter 1, and the introduction to the life of Alley, but the start to the life of Alex. Please tell me what you think, improvements, and anything else! Yeah, it came out a little rushed this week, but there was so much I wanted to include, I wasn't sure if it was too much or not... But please, Keep on reading, and thanks! :D

Find me a life

The-One-Who-Needs-A-life