Reaching

Wednesday July 27, 2011

I'm standing on the edge of hysteria

I'm not breathing right

I'm sobbing panic

Shaking

And gasping for a breath

I'm breaking down

Through another lapse of sanity

And like always I'm all alone

I usually find comfort in that

Now it just raises my panic

I'm so scared

And all I want is someone to hold me

Someone to tell me it's alright

I need to hear a familiar soothing voice

I need to talk to someone because it's driving me crazy

You all said you'd be there

But when I try to reach out

When I take that leap of faith

You let me fall

I don't care if it's 4 in the fucking morning

I'm fucking scared

My heart is racing

Feeling like I'm having a heart attack

Like my hearts going to rip from my chest

Or give out on me

I'm shaking

I'm terrified

I'm so alone

And it scares me

I once welcomed this loneliness

But I've grown use to having family around

And not like so long ago

I'm all alone

I fucking hate it

You're so far away from me

Not just figuratively

But literally

Two different cities

Too far for me to handle

You're not here

To make me feel better

Not here to make the panicking stop

Not here to hold me

Hug me

Love me

You're not here to be my hero

And I'm not sure if you care

I'm reaching out for you

Reaching out to anyone who'll understand

I'm sad

I'm shaking

I'm sobbing

I'm crying

I'm so alone

I'm at the edge of hysteria

And there is no one to reach out to