Sula

I am sorry that I am bad

That I have hardened

That my once soft curves have become rigid to the touch.

There's something wrong with me.

I crave to feel.

I desire to belong,

Yet I snap at loving arms

And shy away.

I lock up the ocean in a cage

Somewhere deep inside of me,

So there is no water,

No water to soften the sharp lines that have become

Me.

Not even love,

Like fingers to the charcoal,

Can blur my features.

I am cold

With detailed precision.

No color,

No obscurity.

I am a bold black and white mask

With no grey in-between.

Unyielding.

My brain is whole now,

But lonely,

With no thoughts to share with anyone.

No one likes

an emotionless picture

On the wall.

But I didn't used to be this way.

Remember?

We shared a brain together.

Oh, God,

You were the bright splash of color to my darkness,

The blur

Between the lines.

You brought out the fun in me –

The vibrancy of life.

Oh, God,

We were girls together,

We were one glorious painting -

A beautiful sunrise

that has now set for good.

And I?

I am just a sharp outline

Of what I used to be.

Oh, God

Kaitlin,

God.