Author: Elisabeth Sorakana PM
These files contain the journal of the villainess known as Animalia, discovered and published postmortem.Rated: Fiction T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,226 - Updated: 03-20-12 - Published: 02-13-12 - id: 2996796
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I painted over the personalized bit with paint…sorry it got all over your pages. Tins (that cat I rescued, remember?) ran into me while I was doing it and paint got everywhere. And, as you know, paint is indelible.
You know, considering she belongs to one of the most agile species in the world, Tins is pretty clumsy. Just last night she bumped into a bag of cat food on a counter, which teetered precariously and then fell, pwssshhhhh, spilling cat food all over the floor. It was a madhouse after that…cats, dogs, that random ferret called Dook, every animal in the place was scurrying for the food.
Oh yeah, Dook was before your time, wasn't he? Well, at Happy Paws, Happy Homes Shelter we mostly have dogs and cats….there's a complete paucity of anything else, in fact. The ferret was the most exotic thing we ever got (unless you count the snake that lived in the feed barn). Turns out there's not much demand for shelter ferrets around here, so, I took him home before he could meet ol' Hypodermic Needle. I found out his name shortly afterwards, just like with Tins.
I don't know, I kind of like him. He's different from the usual prosaic mix of pups and kits people dump at the shelter. A bit of a hoarder-kleptomaniac, though. Yesterday I found a pair of underpants, a necklace, a twenty-dollar bill, a stuffed bear minus one ear, and a bunch of other miscellaneous crud all squirreled (or in this case, ferreted) away under the couch I dragged in here. It took me three hours and six shape-changes to ascertain for sure whether he'd done it. And by ascertain, I mean get him to admit it. Then it took another half an hour and the shape of a panther to convince him to return all the stuff. Except the twenty dollar bill, that is. That, I kept.
Ah, right. Back to what I was going to tell you. Due to the fact that I have so many damn animals around the place (because I'm just such a benevolent person), I have resorted to stealing money from places to buy food. As inconvenient as they are, I can't bear to let my tenants starve…the thought of them eating the crud that Dumpsters offer these days makes me cringe. Of course, this means that the super-annoying glitter-glamour-gloss girl will be after me with extra-super vengeance. Or at least, what passes for it with her.
Thinking on it, why did ASASSIN assign her to me? Do they think I'm the lowest of the low in terms of evil level, and so they assigned me to the lowest of the low in terms of competency? I think this is probably the case.
Oh, right. ASASSIN is the organization that assigns villain nemeses (nemesises? nemisi?) to superheroes, so they can go out and fight someone as opposed to just freelancing. I forget what it stands for. There's ARDVARK too, which stands for Association for Removing and Defeating Villains, Abettors, Ruffians, and Kin. It used to be just ADV, which took out 'removing' and 'abettors and ruffians', but as things got more politically correct, they had to change it. Apparently, abettors and ruffians don't classify as 'kin'. The 'Removing' was stuck in there to make it a cool acronym. At least, that's what I'm speculating. I've never worked for them, thank God.
Sigh…I'm beginning to wonder if all this endless vexation is worth it. Stealing to feed a bunch of freeloaders (who occasionally help me, I guess), being ranked as 'least wanted'…
You know, I met a guy in the shelter today. He was really cute, and he seemed to understand my pain at the fact that we put animals down. His name was…N. N was volunteering at the shelter, playing with the dogs for a while. He had such a connection with them, I wondered if he was like me. Though, of course, I couldn't ask. I chatted him up, and we had a genuinely scintillating conversation.
One of the worst parts of being a villain…or really, having powers…is that I can't get emotionally attached to people. But, and I curse it every day, I tend to fall for people hard and fast. First it was the guy at Starbucks, then the girl in the bookstore, now N…it wouldn't be so bad if it was limited to one gender, either.
Though, I guess there's no harm in just talking to him…I mean, it's not like he's going to ask me out or anything.
But anyway, just the fact that I have to worry about falling for him is majorly sucking. Again, is all this worth it? I've pretty much led my life into a rut. I don't think I'll be getting out anytime soon, and I am one hundred percent sure I couldn't just stop using my powers. So…what am I supposed to do?