It's not him, it's not him, I chanted to myself. I couldn't afford to think this way again. I couldn't bear to wake myself up and realize that reality isn't this. I ignored the vibration in my pocket and concentrated on the lesson my teacher was giving to the class. Something about population and how we're destroying our planet. I swear, this teacher only taught this subject so he could rant on and on about the evils of humanity. How we're most of the reason biodiversity is in crisis and whatnot. I woke from my daydream of how he would come back and show up in one of my classrooms, claiming to be a new student, then sitting next to me, and tell me he was moving back here. How he still… no. I can't think like that. It's not real.

"Alice," my teacher said. My eyes snapped up towards the front of the room. "Can you tell me what an Ecological Footprint is, since you seem to be taking incredibly intense notes?"

Flustered, I flipped through my notebook, "Uh, it's right here umm… an Ecological Footprint is…"

"Miss Walter, I'm waiting."

"Right… an Ecological Footprint measures… human resource consumption?" I told him. He nodded, satisfied that I was in fact, paying attention, and turned to the other side of the room, continuing with his lecture.

I sighed, relieved. I hated being put on the spot in front of people I didn't know. I didn't know anybody in this class. I hated it. I sat alone at a three person table. I liked this class, I just hated having no friends in it. That was how several of my classes went though. Nobody.

Today it was raining. Quite unnatural, actually for it to rain here. It never did. So I was generally put in a good mood. I loved the rain. It felt like all my mistakes were being washed away with each drop that poured down on me. Rain was good, pure. It fell from the same sky that we all lived under… that he lived under.

The bell finally rang, releasing us from class. I stayed until everyone had piled out, trying to avoid a crowd. Didn't feel like getting smashed into a wall today because everyone else wanted out first. When I was sure it was safe, I packed up my things and left. I headed for my locker, wanting to discard my notebook and books. After I did this, I went to wait for my friend, Libby and her boyfriend, Topher (short for Christopher, of course). They were really the only people I hung out with, ever. Topher was already sitting at the usual table waiting for Libb and I. I sat across from him and sighed.

"Bad day so far?" he asked.

"You have no idea. I'm sick of having bad days over and over again." I told him and he chuckled in response.

"I hated that. Before I met Libb… it was just like that for me. Libb changed everything." he grinned, "Hey, so you think you can help me with something?"

"Sure."

"It's mine and Libby's one year anniversary on Tuesday and I can't think of a thing to do for her. A movie is too… not enough. I'm in love with her, Alice. I don't know how to show it." he sighed.

"Okay, Libb's a real softy. I don't know if you know that or not. Just… err, take her to the beach for a picnic of something. At sunset, tell her how you feel. She'll break down into happy sobs then complain whatever she got isn't good enough and blah, blah, blah." I let out a small laugh. He smiled.

"Thanks, Aly."

I returned a smile and then saw Libby walk up behind Topher. She sat down next to him and he leaned over and kissed her. I turned away because I didn't want to think about a certain someone I shouldn't be thinking of. I never told Libby how much it bothered me to see any couple kiss in front of me, because I didn't want her to feel bad for me. I didn't want anyone to feel sorry. It was so selfish of me.

"Hey, Libb." I said, "How's life?"

"Great." she smiled, "My anniversary is next week," she winked at Topher.

"Oh, really?" I told her, "I had no idea." I winked at Topher and he laughed.

"What?" Libby didn't miss that.

"Oh, nothing." I grinned at her, then the bell rang.

"Bye, love birds," I sang and left before she could protest to anything.

My next class was Literature. I liked that class too. I guess when you had really no life, you tended to like school. I suspected we'd just be talking about the book we were reading, Brave New World by Adlous Huxley. We were at the part where Lenina is at John's flat and he confesses his undying love for her and she tells him she's been 'wanting' him for some time. I supposed we were just going to continue our discussion from where we left off yesterday. Just another normal day….

I wanted so bad for something different to happen. To be swept off my feet by somebody and be told that I was deeply loved by someone other than my best friend or my parents. But not by just anyone. It had to be that certain someone. I refused to think his name. It was too painful, anyway. He now had knowledge that he couldn't erase. He knew how I felt. He knew it, and nothing was being done about it. Not a text, not a word. I checked my phone before I went into my classroom. It was just a chain message. I deleted it and prepared for another extremely normal class.

I sat down in my seat and got out my book. I waited for my teacher to start his lesson and then zoned out. I mean, come on, I lived in the fairytales, where there was a prince charming for every worthy princess and everything always ended in a happy ending. I expected too much out of people that couldn't deliver. They were all clouds and I was falling through the sky, hoping one would catch me. And it would never work; I'd fall through air. I couldn't say that I was in love with him, for it even hurt to say that. I teared up a it, and to hide it, I pretended it was a yawn. I hated how pathetic I sounded in my head, like I was desperate or something. Well… I wasn't but it sounded like it.

Once again, no one sat next to me in this class. Whenever it came for partner discussions, I had no one to share opinions with. I felt so incredibly awkward just sitting there while everyone else talked about the book or decided to talk about what plans they had for the weekend. It was Friday after all, and just like always, I'd probably sit in my room and get close with a good book. Maybe Speak again or something Jane Austen wrote. It would be a quite night.

As we were coming out of our conversations, the door to the classroom opened. At first, the light seemed too blindingly bright to see anybody coming in, but after my eyes adjusted, I saw the figure. A very familiar figure. My eyes widened and before the person could lay their eyes on me, I turned away, hiding my face. I couldn't do this now. I would surely have a breakdown.

"Excuse me," my teacher said in his deep voice, "Who are you?"

In his familiar voice, "I'm your new student. My name is Erik. The office told me to give you these papers." and he walked in front of the room to hand the teacher registration papers.

Well of course because he had left from here before, half the class recognized him. They were all saying, "Oh, hey, man you're back," and, "Hey, long time no see!" I tried to keep my head turned. Erik was here. My fantasy had mysteriously come true. I guess I'd forgotten to tell my subconscious that I was mostly being extremely sarcastic and never dreamed it would come true. Now what, he was going to sweep me off my feet?

Never speak too soon, I guess.

"Erik… Dalton. Great. You can take a seat next to Alice Walter. Alice, raise your ha-" Erik interrupted him, "I know Alice."

"Oh, great then." our teacher said then turned to go put Erik's papers away in his desk. Erik meandered over to the empty seat next to mine and sat down. I kept my head turned. If he saw how red and flustered I was….

"Alice," I heard him whisper. I didn't turn around.

"Alice," he said again, "I moved back. I convinced my parents. I missed you."

I whipped my head around, "What are you talking about? I told you I liked you and then it's like I was nothing for weeks! Then you show up out of the blue and expect everything to be okay?" I was almost in tears.

"I'm-" he started but our teacher interrupted, "Okay, now who can tell me what's wrong with John confessing his 'love' for Lenina. She claims to have liked him too. Explain Alice, go."

"Uh," I glanced at Erik, "I don't think John really loves her."

"Why do you think that?"

"He doesn't really know her. I think it's just infatuation. He just thinks she's beautiful and such and he doesn't really know anything about her or her society so he doesn't know that she's been with dozens of men because that's how the society works. Like, there, there is no love so she doesn't know what it means and he's just infatuated with her. To love somebody," my eyes darted to the seat next to mine again, "you have to have some connection and know a little about them otherwise he's just going to get hurt. It's not real." I said. Erik's grin faltered and I needed to get away.

"Can I take a moment outside? It won't take long." I asked.

The teacher nodded.

I left my seat and made a beeline for the door. The second I was out in the fresh air, I broke down. I covered my face in my hands and cried. This couldn't be happening. Not now. I hid behind the side of the classroom when I heard the door open and saw him step out.

"Alice?" he called. I didn't respond.

He was the first person I really felt hurt over… cried over and such. He couldn't just show up now without warning me and expect me to be fine. Like I'd run to him after no communication between us. I sobbed harder.

"Alice," I heard him sigh. He was closer. I looked up and saw him standing by me. I couldn't tell the expression on his face. I knew mine was beat red and incredibly horrid looking.

"Go away, Erik." I told him, covering my face again.

"Oh, Alice." he sighed and came and put his arms around me. I cried into his shoulder, somewhat comforted by his hold. Finally, when I got a hold on myself, I looked up and pulled away.

"Why'd you come back? For me? Then why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Alice, I'm so sorry. I've been wanting to come back for the longest time. But after you told me… what you told me, I couldn't. You know how the situation was at the time. I couldn't give in to the same feelings. I can now." he explained to me. I shook my head.

"What? I'm some rebound? No thanks." I sneered.

"You're not a rebound!" he protested. "Alice, I'm sorry, for everything."

I sighed. I knew he was right. "I'm sorry too. I put you through hell even when you were here. I was so… cruel to you… and I was blind and…."

"Shh…" he cooed me for I was choking up again. "There's nothing to be sorry for." he said. "I do have one question though." I looked up. "Why me?"

Why him? Does he realize what a difficult question that is? I could barely answer it myself. I took a deep breath.

"You're not like the other guys. Not a jerk, I mean. You actually care about your friends. You're funny. You can be understanding. You make me want to know more about you… like you're some mystery or something. You make my heart beat erratically and butterflies erupt in my stomach when I think about you." I told him, honestly. I hoped this time this answer was good enough.

"Well," he said and pushed a strand of hair from my face, "That's not much, I'll admit." I felt my bottom lip quiver at the thought that he was just about to reject me but then he smiled, "But I am back for a while, I think… so I guess we both have a lot to learn about each other. I also guess that we just seem to be infatuated with each other."

I gave a half chuckle. "You could say I'm infatuated with you. But Erik, I-" I paused. I didn't want him to think I was a fraud in my feelings for him, "I think I love you."

"Well, that's not sudden or anything, but I think I might love you too, Alice." he told me. Finally, I gave him a smile that reached my eyes.

"Seal it." I told him. I wanted him to kiss me. And he did.

He placed his lips on mine and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Those butterflies erupted in the pit of my stomach and I felt like floating on air. Finally, after what felt like so long, did I have someone. Someone to tell me that they loved me for me, to tell me I'm beautiful. Love is irrational and doesn't always make sense sometimes and it chooses strange people to be pairs but me? I'm happy with this choice.