|Beneath The Burning Sky
Author: TheColdFlame PM
"War is upon us!" Meras Perelli, King of Altera, Lord of the Council of Nine, bellowed across the council hall. "War is upon us and we must do something!" he stared around the room, "Surely you see this."Rated: Fiction T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 6 - Words: 18,357 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12-28-12 - Published: 03-02-12 - id: 3001899
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
So I've written an entirely new prologue because I wasn't happy with the old one. I mean I kind of liked it, it got my point across, but I found that it was more telling you what happened rather than showing you in a way that gives you the necessary background information and shows you an important plot point that I didn't manage to get across in the previous prologue.
I wrote this out in my notebook so it's had the additional editing that comes from transferring it to my computer whilst I typed it up, but I then also went over a printed copy with my lovely red pen for grammar/punctuation stuff and my pencil for edits. So this has been edited but only by me as I have yet to find a Beta and if I do I think I'd like to wait until I'm further on into the story and really know what's going on. (Although if there are any volunteers.)
Despite my editing I find that I am not happy with some of the sentences, weather they be to short or too long or sound kind of jerky, and I think I use too many commas and semi-colons so if anyone see's places that I could change the sentence or the punctuation it would be useful if you could point them out. Oh and spellings although there shouldn't be any but you never know.
Sorry about the long authors note, they should shorten from now on. I'll probably go though my next chapters for basic edits soon if i haven't already.
Also an alternative name for my castle would be greatly appreciated.
Brothers From Ages Passed
There was silence in the early mornings at Castle Drour. Silence broken only by the soft shuffling of the maids beginning their days followed slowly by the rest of the castle waking up; pulling themselves from their slumbers. It was however only when the sun had made a great deal of progress on it's journey to the highest point in the sky that King Ejer of East Kalsor awoke from his sleep, and when he did he did not do so quietly.
On this day, late in the days of Windtime, the King woke much as he usually did. He sat up quickly, shaking the shroud of sleep easily, and called loudly for a maid to attend to him. He rang the bell at the side of his bed vigorously as he did so.
When he was clothed and fed the King left his chambers, pushing the doors open wildly so that they slammed against the walls, the loud clackechoing around the hallways. He strode quickly along the halls, his heavy footfalls echoing around the passage, the souls of his heeled boots smacking against the stone floor. His long legs carried him quickly to the confines of his office, lifting one after the other with little grace but much determination. He had a long awaited meeting to attend.
"Open," he barked at the two young men- boys, really- attending the door, "Quickly!" The boys jumped in shock, spinning away from their hushed conversation and quickly yanked the door open with too much force. They stumbled backwards with the weight of the thick wooden door, struggling quickly into a respectful position, heads bowed and eyes on their feet. "Now leave," he spat out, staring down at them over his sharp nose, his golden blonde hair falling over his brow, stopping just above his thick eyebrows. "Go!" And the boys rushed away as quickly as they could, fearful eyes staying glued to the ground.
The King slipped through the door as it closed, hands clasped tightly behind his back as he approached his desk and the man sitting at it. He sank quietly into the grand, carved wood chair that he occupied for most of the day and folded his hands on the table in front of him. He gave the man a short nod that went unacknowledged by the brunette who simply stared straight ahead; one knee resting over the other.
They stayed like that for a long while, King Eyer staring intently at the other man who continued to look pointedly away, sitting with his back straight and his arms resting one on top of the other over his folded knees. His expression was blank, betraying nothing, and he looked every bit the king that he was: King Savos of West Kalsor.
"We're brothers, you and I," Ejer began abruptly, his deep voice resonating throughout the room, "Brothers from ages passed, but brothers nonetheless." King Savos turned to him finally, his thin lips were pressed tightly together and his darker blonde hair was slicked back from his face, his light blue rather than Eyers brown, bit yes, they looked to be brothers.
They both had the same strong, sharp nose ending too far from their face and high, pronounced cheekbones on their narrow faces, both ending in long, pointed chins.
"Our ancestors were brothers, as you know." Ejer continued grandly, "The greatest brothers that have ever been, torn apart by their love for another. A Human: Princess Andromeda, Lady of the Burning Skies; I'm sure you know the story."
"Yes," Savos drawled, speaking for the first time, "Everyone does, I am sure. The woman who tore the greatest Kingdom of the Nine apart, the Humans even named a city after her." The short words sounded bitter, Savos' distaste for the act clear. And then he was quiet once more, giving no obvious indication that he would continue.
Ejer grinned at terse the response; he had learnt throughout their meetings that whilst Savos' answers were almost always short and uninspiring, they generally meant more than they seemed. He had seen the slight tilt of Savos' head and the flickering of eyes over his face which he now knew as an invitation to continue.
"Our forefathers, the men who make us brothers, were torn apart by a mere human woman, a petty fight between siblings that was made to be bigger than it was, and yet their feud has carried on through the years, passed down through our families. I see no reason for such hatred, dear Brother, no reason for us to not be one Kingdom once more." King Savos raised an eyebrow, lifting his hands from his crossed knees and holding out his right hand to Ejer, expectant.
"I was under the impression that that is why we are here," he said, voice smooth and powerful, quiet in a way that spoke of profound knowledge; intelligent beyond his years.
Ejers grin widened manically, his white teeth visible between his full lips, deep dimples appeared on his cheeks and his eyes widened noticeably. He picked up a slender pen from his desk, the pointed tip sharpened meticulously, ready for use. He then placed the pen into Savos' outstretched hand and watched in glee as long, pale fingers closed around it, a glint coming to his eyes that should be worrying. It would have been had Savos seen it, but for now he just bent his head to read the crisp document that had been set in front of him upon arrival; a treaty: an alliance.
Savos did not sign the paper immediately, first he read through it over carefully, the polished wood pen resting in his almost delicate looking hands as he did so. When he was done he turned his eyes up to the other King, an eyebrow raised in question.
"It says that we will be allies, Brother," Ejer told him, an encouraging tone to his voice. This alliance had been in the making for too long, he had put too much effort into it for it to just go to waste, "but we will be much more. We will be one Kingdom once more, East and West Kalsor united as one and, Brother, we will be the greatest force in the nine! Imagine what we could do with such power!"
There was excitement in his eyes, bright, unhidden excitement. This was the beginning of the greatest thing he had ever done.
"Savos, we could rule the nine- together- we would be unstoppable! You know this, Brother; you know what we could accomplish." And Savos knew, of course, for it had been the subject of many a discussion over the past year and a half, the negotiations that had brought them to this moment.
Savos dipped the pen in a dark blue ink, scraped it on the edge of the pot, and brought it to the paper, signing his name with a flourish and turning the paper to Ejer, passing over the pen as he had done before.
"I know," Savos told him, watching as Ejer eagerly signed the treaty, joining them as one Kingdom in the Nine as they had once been; as they should be.
"Thank you, Brother," Ejer put the pen down beside the document and continued to glance down at it repetitively, glee clear on his face. It was just a paper, yes, inconsequential in the grand scheme of things- just a paper- but also so very important. Solid evidence of their alliance and, whilst it would soon be filed away in some little-used-drawer with the rest of the Royal records, it would always be there, gathering dust: the alliance of Kings; the joining of brothers. "This is the beginning of great things, Brother, and I am glad that you will share them with me. This will be the beginning of the greatest Kingdom the Nine has ever seen; a Kingdom made of more than just our two lands. We are powerful now, you know this. King Savos of West Kalsor- my brother- you and I, we could rule them all!"
"We could, Ejer," Savos confirmed, his eyes never leaving Ejers excited face, watching as a manic grin spread across his lips, his eyes glinting with something, greed maybe. Probably. Savos was calm, composed and sensible, a good King to his people and he and Ejer were two very different beings, but they wanted the same thing. Savos' lips turned up into a small, barely there smile,
"And we will," he finished, "Brother."