A/N: Just a quick author's note before we begin. Each of the characters presented below are based on one of my real-life high school friends. These amigos regularly give me feedback on chapters I post on Facebook, giving me everything from compliments to minor character quirk changes to suggestions of what should happen next. It is my hope that people find this adventure entertaining/exciting, and hopefully my lackluster writing abilities will be able to present to you a truly amazing journey through the lands of the Kingdom... :)

Meet the Team (with appropriate Yearbook titles in parentheses)

ALVIN (Best Smile)

The main character of the story and team leader who flaunts his main character status as much as possible to lobby for more screen time and get out of particularly sticky situations unharmed. Well-versed in firearms, military tactics, and the secret arts of erotic persuasion. Loves Chinese food. Completely indifferent to other people's feelings about him simply because he's the main character in the story. He's also the voice of reason on the team, but that's only because he's the main character. Secretly a closet anti-Pedobear viking.

DANIEL (Most Likely To Micro His Way Out Of A Macro)

Coordination and reflexes, the scout and sniper of the team. As long as strength is not a huge factor, Daniel's the man for the job. Years of virtual training have bequeathed untapped physical power in this young man, creating an Olympic specimen of speed and more speed. Daniel's got the attitude of a boss as well. He will accept nothing less. All shall bow to Daniel! BOW!

DARYL (Most Physical Endurance)

Daryl is a modest individual with modest hobbies and interests. He plays several musical instruments, goes to church, does his homework, and does his chores like any other goodie-goodie. There's just one subtle difference. Deep within him lies a beast. A beast that is unleashed when CERTAIN OTHER PEOPLE KEEP USING HIM AS A PUNCHING BAG. RAAARGH

DEREK (Best Dancer)

Derek is a popular kid, with over 540 nicknames and catch phrases trademarked under his growing brand, Derek Enterprises. When not busy being popular, Derek is usually found either having an epiphany ("I GOT IT!"™) or acting bewildered towards other people (the "O_O" Face™ followed by the Derek Sidestep™ ). Hard-working, serious, hilarious. Is there anything he can't do? We shall find out.

GLEN (Most Likely To Become Successful)

Suave, charismatic, organized, outgoing. These are all character traits Glen thinks he has. When not building back doors into world governments, he takes time off to chill and pursue other hobbies such as baking, playing bass guitar, singing, and ripping people's heads off in virtual space. Glen is a natural-born leader. Why he isn't even a main character, we may never know...

HOWARD (Most Likely To Discover The Meaning Of Life)

Upon first glance, Howard appears to be some FOB with an affinity for FOB-ish things. Nothing could be further from the truth. In actuality, Howard is some FOB with a talent for analyzing situations AND an affinity for FOB-ish things. He has spent years honing his craft by watching Asian dramas, and now possesses 180 years worth of life experiences just waiting to be put to practice in actual predicaments. Howard is wise. Really really wise. Just don't tell him that real life and Asian dramas run on different frequencies.

JASON (Most Likely To Shoot Lasers Out Of His Mouth)

Jason is a little bit awkward. Just a little bit. He always wears his trademark hoodie, and possesses lower-body flexibility that bends minds. Jason is also incredibly well-versed in paper crafts, apple crafts, pencil crafts, wood crafts, shrimp crafts, and any other crafts you can think of. Jason is also a dreamer, dreaming dreamy dreams that cause atheists to convert to religion and vice versa. Jason never thinks outside the box. There isn't even a box to begin with.

JENNY (Most Likely To Actually Find The Cake)

Mysterious. That is what she wants you to think. Slow. That is what she wants you to think. Dumb. That is what she want you to think. Inept. That is what she wants you think. Incapable. That is what she wants you to think. However, once you start thinking that way, you will already have lost. For Jenny, she knows she can outsmart anyone any day. Trololololooool~ And if you can't outsmart it, cleave it.

KENNETH (Most Likely To Rap His Way Into A Job)

Yo yo yo wassup. Kenneth, or K-Dawg, as he's known out here in the hood, is the hizzle in mah nizzle foshizzle bizzle wizzle. He ain't no wannabe, he's the top dawg, ya hear? Mad talent on the mic equals charizzmanizzle, and this kid's got loads hidin' under his bling. But that's not all he's got, 'cuz if ya put him in a compromising situation, suddenly the bad boy in da hood morphs into a sweet, well-mannered, well-educated, polite angel. :) with wings

LARRY (Most Likely To Write A Story About The Evolution Of Paint)

A complete moron who doesn't even deserve to be in the story. He's not even really a character in the story, why is he here? Jeez, what an asshole. Well, I guess I could list out his hobbies. NOT. He has no hobbies. He doesn't even have an existence. He doesn't exist. Let's just all agree on that and move on. Why bother learning something about a character who doesn't even exist? It's not like it's going to help you understand what's going on in the story. Why am I so cynical about Larry? BECAUSE HE OWES ME MONEY, THAT'S WHY. Sheesh, friggin' loser.

LAWRENCE (Most Likely To End The Nuclear Crisis By Eating All The Nukes)

Lawrence loves to over-exaggerate things. This extends to eating, as Lawrence can eat and will eat anything that stands in his way. In addition to being a world-class consumer, Lawrence is also world-class Brawl player and a world-class couch potato. Lawrence can overcome any predicament, as long as it is edible. Word.

MATT (Most Likely To Win A War Against Himself)

The weapons specialist. An expert on guns, grenades, military vehicles, equipment and all that hoo-hah. Matt is not a sarcastic person, not at all, and is totally not one of the more lethal members of the team. In fact, Matt likes unicorns, ponies, and rainbows. In his spare time, he likes to frolic around in meadows and brush other people's hair while fitting harp music plays in the background. Because he can. Duh.

PATRICK (Best Rape Face)

This guy lives and breathes computers. Put him in front of a computer, and he can get the computer to sit, bark, and roll over in less than thirty seconds. His hacking skills make him a valuable part of the team. When not outsmarting computers, Patrick likes to sing. To computers. Cynically. With acid. While smiling. And staring into your soul.

PETER (Most Likely To Conquer Uranus)

Evil genius extraordinaire. The ultimate schemer. The master of the British accent. All of these are qualities of a solid evil villain, and all of these are qualities possessed by the man known as Peter. However, Peter finds himself amidst the very people he should be scheming against. How will he use his intense psychological capabilities in this story? Stay tuned. Also, Peter likes cats.

VICTOR (Most Likely To Pierce The Heavens)

Because he is frequently the butt of tall jokes, it is easy to forget that Victor possesses an impressive SAT score of 2600 and an even more impressive IQ of 3. A big pile of randomness is what you can expect to get with Victor, and in this story he will always deliver. Despite his seemingly playful and clumsy nature, Victor has a keen sense of chivalry, duty and honor, and will do anything to help his friends. As long as it doesn't require effort.

VICTORIA (Most Likely To Make The Apocalypse Run Away In Fear)

Arguably one of the more sociable members of the team who is well-versed in the arts of close quarters combat and self defense. Is addicted to punching bags, and enjoys eating the most random pieces of food you can think of. When she is sleep deprived, watch out, someone's going to get hurt. When she isn't sleep deprived, watch out, someone's going to get hurt anyway.

ELLIOT (?)

Technically not a member of the team, but deserves a mention here because he appears in the story later. Not much is known about him at this point, other than the fact that he is well acquainted with each of the characters listed above. Who is Elliot? What is his purpose in this story? WE SHALL FIND OUT.