perhaps this is
nothing, really nothing
but perhaps it's somethingsomethingsomething and i'm
scared, honestly, that you're going to
try and make me hate you when
i can't hate you, i love you, idiot, and i
mean that, so if you say
"you'll find another one like me"
and i slap you, scream at you
"i don't want someone like you, i want you!"
and if you've decided it's
"for the best" for us to stop talking, stop
everything stop
and for me to quote-unquote "hate" you
well
that's only going to make me hate myself
even more than i already
do and
it's only going to make me
realize how much i've fucked everything up
because now, really,
i have
and i know it.

(i'm so sorry.)