In memory of Isabel.

The painfully sweet taste of pineapple.

A bleacher full of classmates trying to be sad.

Pop music that, thanks to today, I will never forget.

Ringing in my ear.

Wanting to be somewhere else.

Anywhere else.

Pineapple burning my mouth.

The pain feels amazing.

I see pictures of a girl, that I thought I knew.

As it turns out... I never did.

I remember the last time I saw you.

I wanted to be alone, but I put on my mask and smiled.

I wonder if that was what you did too?

No... you were nice. Pretty. Fantastic to be around.

But I wanted to be alone.

If only I knew.

If only...

I would have loved every moment.

Laughed at every joke.

Hugged you back.

Said "Isabellie!" when you yelled "'Leasey!".

That was the last time.

The last time before I realized...

before I realized that I took you for granted.

You were always going to be there, right?

Wrong.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

Life took you away from the world.

Remember how I reacted when she told me?

Every barrier that protected me from my emotions, disappeared.

Elze the untouchable,

Elze the distant.

That person was gone.

I cried more than I ever had.

I think that was the first time I cried in over a year.

After that, I tried not to be so emotional.

Tried not to let anything touch me.

I exchanged my personality for armor and a mask.

Armor that protected me.

A mask that hid me.

Because I could never do that again.

...Your death changed me forever.

It removed any innocence I had left.

Made me callous.

Uncaring.

...Because that was so horrible, it could never happen again.

I left some of myself at your funeral.

And it can never leave.

When you left, you took a part of me with you.

I can never forget you.

You were so amazing, why would I want to?

You were a smile...

But, I never knew the real you.

...I miss that smile I grew up with.

I hope you understand what I mean when I say...

…

...I'm so sorry...