I feel like a ghost

Walking dead

I am like a zombie

Emotionless

Can no longer feel pain

I live without a purpose

I search for my purpose

Only to find reasons

Why not to live

I wonder

What it must feel like

To die

Must be peaceful

Basking in the light

Takes you away from your worries

Fears

Everything

Becomes distant

You slowly leave it

Forever

No one will miss me

No one even knows my name

What is my name again?

Who am I?

I don't know

This person in the mirror

Staring at me

I am a waste of space

Breathing air

That someone else could be breathing

When I talk

No one seems to care

About what I say

Either what I say is ignored

Or the topic is changed

Am I heard?

Am I speaking a foreign language?

Am I even alive?

Am I just a figment of someone's imagination?

No matter where I go

It follows me

A storm cloud

Pouring with regret

I am trapped

Between a rock and a hard place

In a pit of darkness

And despair

Few have escaped

On their own

Many have

With the help
Of others

No one would want

To help me

I have no choice

But to climb out on my own

If I cannot

I could end it all

No more pain will be felt

By me

A death

No one would mourn for

I can hear the cheers now

For I am finally dead

No longer a burden

On those around me

Love once filled my heart

I could feel

True happiness

Now I sing myself

A lullaby

As I drift into slumber

Imagination

Is so much better than reality

I picture a place

Where I am free to be me

Where love fills my heart

I am free to speak my mind

Depression doesn't exist

Just more happiness

I wish everything

Wasn't always my fault

I sing sad songs

To myself

To remind myself of my sadness

Of how cold I am

I wonder what people would say

If I told them that I cried each day

Cut myself

To the point of blacking out

Waking up in a pool of blood

I watch as people

Bend the rules

Swear to be a friend

Not a foe

Only to have them stabbed in the back

Why do we live in the world

Of pure hatred

Love and happiness exist

Only to be triumphed by the hatred

All I want

Is to love

And be loved

Is that too much to ask?

I want to meet someone

Who has felt my pain

Someone who understands me

Someone who I can love

And that can love me back

Why cant I have this?

Am I just meant

To be alone

Forever?

Every word I speak

Every thought I think

Every breath I take

Could be my last

I could end it all

In an instance

Would I leave behind

A note explaining myself?

Would I need to?

Would anyone care for an explanation?

How would I kill myself?

A bullet to the head?

Only a single bullet required

A painless

Instant

Death

I could cut my wrists

With a razor

Letting myself slowly bleed out

Being found in a pool of blood

If ever found

Suffocation

Feel every last bit of air

Leave my body

Leaving me gasping for breath

No blood left behind

I try to fly

I cannot

Without my wings

I fall

No one is supporting me

I am slowly crumbling

My foundation is nothing

Notice me

Just someone notice me

I need someone to take my hand

Guide me out of this maze

Life me out of this trench

Be my knight in shining armor

Can't someone see

That I need help

I feel so small

Compared to this big world

I am nothing

No ones concern

I wish I was

A mere thought

In someones mind

For even one second

I want to hear

Someone say my name

Ask where I am

Ask if I am ok

I feel like I am asking too much

No way I will ever have any of this

It is impossible

For me to ever be happy

I try to be strong

Fighting through the pain

Telling myself

It will be ok

Everyday

That becomes more impossible

Every shred of hope

Slowly disinagrating

Forever gone

Cannot be recovered

Maybe I am not meant

To be happy

Maybe I am meant to live life

In pain

I don't remember the last time I was happy

I don't even remember what happiness is

What it feels like

To me

Happiness is just a word

I don't know the meaning of

A word that cannot be defined

In a dictionary

Depression cannot be defeated

You don't know what it truly is

Until you experience it

I don't even expect a psychologist to understand

The smartest person in the world cannot

Only by experience

Can you truly understand

I dream of happiness

A happy life

Only in my dreams have I seen myself smile

What do I really look like when I smile?

When was the last time I smiled?

So many questions

I ask myself

Everyday

All go unanswered

Since me myself doesn't know

Other nights

I am plagued by nightmares

I see myself

Hung from a shower rod

Sometimes I see

People ignoring me

I wish I was taunted

At least people would be noticing me

Actually talking to me

I am never seen

Never heard

I rarely even speak to someone

I envy those whose hardest questions are

What to wear

Where to go

What to eat

What friend to hang out with

I have never asked myself these

For my entire lifetime

I wish I wasn't always cold

Never to feel the warmth

Of another

I wish I wasn't always alone

To only be comforted

By my voice

My presence

I wonder what it feels like

To be loved and loved in return

I wonder a lot of things

If only the pain

Each day brings

Would go away

Forever

Be banished from my mind

I don't know

How I've lived with this pain

For so long

It is unbearable

Makes you go mad

Do things you wouldn't normally ever do

Life is nothing

But an endless maze

A beast

Clutching you

Never to let you escape

Never freeing you

Until it desires

Life is supposed to be a treasure

According to people

That's why you only live once

I feel it is created

As a roadblock

To your final destination

What a tragedy

Life has become

For the victims of depression

Death

Becomes more comforting

More real

Than life

Whenever I see someone smile

It makes me cry

What do they have that I don't?

What have they done to deserve the happiness

I have found so hard to obtain?

Life asks so many questions

Only to not answer any of them

Making you figure them out

Life has lost meaning

It is nothing

Filled with people

That have what you don't

Taking advantage of the gift they are given

Depression

It forces you to literally

Kill for happiness

Happiness that is wrapped up and given to someone

For free

Depression means far more than its dictionary definition

A life

Torn apart slowly over a long period of time

The world's greatest serial killer

Never to be caught

Until too late

Hearts

Ducktaped together

But I am running out of tape

If people cared

I would want a grand funeral

Set adrift in a river

Lying in a bed of roses

Violins playing

My favorite songs

But no one would come

Who would care about me?

Dead

If they didn't care about me alive

No one cares about

The depressed

For they are too afraid

Don't want to catch it

Don't want to become

Like us

Funny how when you die

People start listening

To your cries of help

Finally heard

Finally known

Loved more in death

Than life

So many people catch this

Only to be treated

Like nothing

Like they aren't hurting

We walk amongst you

You probably never notice

A next door neighbor

A friend perhaps

If the depressed are lucky enough

To have a single friend

Don't care

But we are here

Can you see us?