but it turned into
heavy body on top of me
lips on my neck
dark room
sweet smoke hanging in the air
foggy eyes and lungs

it wasn't what i wanted
and it hurt

but i couldn't expect him to wait forever
and i couldn't find the strength to scream
or even to whisper

well, i didn't speak up
and he will never find out how
far i wanted to run

(it exhausts me just to remember
and i wish that i could sleep
but these days, the nightmares never go away.)