Chapter 13: Uh-oh

"Insanity clouds!" Trebob yelled.

"What?" said the author.

"Those look like lightning storms," said Boston.

"How are there even clouds in outer space?" asked Trebob.

"There probably aren't," said the author.

"Of course there aren't," said Boston, "There's no oxygen, no hydrogen, no gasses at all in space! Therefore, there is also no water in space and there cannot be clouds."

"Since when are you a science professor?" asked the author.

"Who are you to judge?" asked Boston.

"Where is everybody else?" asked Trebob.

"The secretary didn't want to be in this chapter and Bob Bob, Randomer, and Pyrux are all out bowling so were on our own like in chapter 1."

"Back to the basics!" said Trebob, "I like that!" A twinkie ran past the group.

"Aha!" yelled Trebob. He and Boston ran after the twinkie together.

"Crud, now I'm on my own," said the author.

"Tu eres no," said the evil wizard.

"Get out of here," said the author, "You are a one-time character."

"Awww…" said the evil wizard. He left the story through the broken fourth wall to go help Bobert, Grampypa, and Phil with Nolra's funding.

"Why the heck did it take so long for us to find an antagonist?" asked the author to nobody.

"Stop being delusional," said a voice in his head.

"Who said that?" asked the author.

"Your insane mind probably," said Trebob. He was being followed by Nolra who was in his new, huge, manly looking golem robot. Trebob didn't even notice the enormously loud thing walking behind him.

"Uh… Trebob, I think you should look behind you," said the author. Trebob turned around.

"ANOTHER TWINKIE!" Trebob screamed. He ran right between the golem's legs chasing the twinkie that was chasing Boston who was eating a waffle and was running from the police.

"Weirdest chase scene ever," said the author.

"Hey, what about me!" Nolra cried.

"Have you ever met someone who's insane?" asked Trebob.

"Uhh.. yeah," said the author.

"Who is it?" asked Trebob.

"You don't need to know," said the author.

"Have you?" asked Trebob.

"Have I what?" asked the author.

"Have you?" asked Trebob.

"Oh," said Trebob, "Wait, we're on a planet right now?"

"No," said the author, "I'm on a planet right now. Why the heck are we talking about whether we're on planets or not?"

"Why are we talking about planets?" asked Trebob.

"I don't know," said the author. A dog ran through the scene at the intersection of Main and Maple so…

"I already told Bob Bob to lay off those names so please don't use them," said Trebob.

"Geez!" yelled the author, "I'm the author here! I can do what I want!"

"But I'm supposed to be the main character!" Trebob yelled, "Eating twinkies is my specialty!"

"What does that have to do with anything!" the author yelled.

"Ruff Ruff Ruff!" the dog barked.

"Go away you mutt!" Trebob yelled.

"Baseball!" the author yelled.

"Window cleaners!" Trebob yelled.

"Random noun showdown!" the author yelled.

"Godzilla!" Trebob yelled.

"Words in your face!" the author yelled.

"Micro!" Trebob yelled.

"Yellowness!" the author yelled.

"Lakefaces!" Trebob yelled.

"Eggplants and Twinkies and Waffles!" the author yelled.

"Peanuts and Peppermints and Baloney!" Trebob yelled.

"GODZILLA!" the author screamed.

"TWINKIE!" Trebob screamed. The random noun showdown had to stop entirely while Trebob chased his snack. By the time he had come back, the nuclear war was finally coming to an end. But of course, Boston ran through the peace treaty signing again while trying to get away from Nolra who was singing the My Little Pony theme (whatever that is) so the war between sweets and vegetables continued.

"I don't know why we started that war in the first place anymore," said the author, "This story is so random I don't even bother looking back at the previous chapters."

"You've said that a million times already and I think it started when the peanuts ate up Mars and then fruits came and got mad and threw dirt all over the ground so somebody bit somebody else's thumb and that's how it started," said Trebob.

"Peanuts and fruits have nothing to do with this war," said the author. Nolra's enormous golem tried to step on Trebob.

"Nice try pony boy but it's going to take more than a foot to stop…" Trebob didn't get to finish boasting because the foot stepped on him and he had to go to the hospital like in chapter 1.

"Can I be the main charact…"

"No!" the author yelled.

"You didn't even let me…"

"No!" the author yelled.

"Geez, fine, be that…"

"No!" the author yelled. Trebob came back all bandaged up again.

"How do you get in and out of the hospital in less than a minute?" asked the author.

"I don't know," said Trebob, "I'm just awesome like that."

"You are not awesome!" the author yelled. He got smacked with a twinkie again.

"Why do you keep getting smacked by twinkies in the first place?" asked Trebob.

"Haven't you met the lie detector idiot right here?" asked the author. He pointed at a cat that looked deeply confused and it laid an egg for some odd reason even though cats don't even lay eggs.

"Don't cats give live birth?" asked Trebob.

"Yes, but that's not important right now," said the author, "What's important is that… well… I guess nothing is important right now."

"Yes it is!" yelled some random idiot, "Isn't today earth day or something?"

"Didn't Earth blow up or something?" asked Trebob.

"No," said the author, "It had the Phoenix Treatment remember?"

"Oh yeah," said Trebob, "What is Earth Day again?" While the author tried to explain to Trebob the meaning of Earth Day, Nolra tried to throw a tank off of a cliff with the help of a tiny little mouse.

"Almost… got it…" he grunted. He felt the tank lift up.

"Yes!" he cried, "I got it!" He looked up and saw that there was nothing in his hands and then looked down to see that the mouse was holding the whole tank up.

"Shoot," said Nolra.

"Why didn't you just use your super robot golem?" asked the author.

"Oh, that would've worked much better," said Nolra, "Then I wouldn't have needed the mouse's help."

"Wow," said Trebob, "Really?"

"Really what?" asked Nolra.

"You tried to stop twinkie production?" asked Trebob, "What kind of a dumb idea is that?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Nolra.

"You threw a rock thinking it was a rock?" asked Trebob, "That's the weirdest thing I've ever heard."

"I still have no idea what…"

"Why did you jump into the swimming pool without arm floaties?" asked Trebob, "You can't swim."

"I can swim perfectly well!" Nolra yelled, "And why are you spreading false rumors about me all over facebook?"

"I don't have facebook," said Trebob, "I text."

"Hey, you can't text because I never text!" the author yelled. He got smacked by a twinkie again.

"I can text however much I want!" Trebob exclaimed.

"Wait, so you texted everybody you knew about this?" asked Nolra.

"Yep," said Trebob, "And the My Little Pony thing too."

"So that means…"

"Everyone knows now," said Trebob with a wicked smile.

"You... little… _" Note: there is an underline within this quote because the words that Nolra expresses is highly, and we mean highly, inappropriate.

"Ouch," said Boston.

"I… cannot believe he just said that," said Trebob.

"Oh my gosh," said the author, "He's going to end up going to jail now. Nice going Trebob."

"I only said cute, cuddly, little panda," said Nolra, "What's the big deal about that?" Everyone gasped.

"He said it again!" the author cried, "He's going to have to go to jail for double time now!"

"What's so bad about saying cute, cuddly, little panda?" asked Nolra. Trebob plugged his and Boston's ears with candle wax so they wouldn't have to hear those four awful words again. The author immediately called 911 to evict Nolra from the story.

"All I said was cute cuddly panda!" Nolra cried as he was dragged away, "What's so bad about that?"

"Crud," said the author, "And I thought he was going to last awhile."

"He's not going to leave the story forever is he?" asked Trebob.

"Let's hope he does!" said Boston, "Now I can finally eat waffles in peace!" Trebob and the author stared at him.

"We still need an antagonist Boston," said Trebob.

"Wait, didn't you say that Pyrux went bowling earlier?" asked Trebob.

"Yes," said the author, "Why?"

"How do Phoenixes even hold the bowling ball?" asked Trebob, "And how do they even fit into the bowling alley? And why is this story so childish sometimes?"

"Didn't I already say that when I said I didn't like cussing?" asked the author, "And I don't like mustard, or poptarts, or really awful stuff like..."

"Like what?" asked Trebob.

"Maybe you could ask Pyrux that when he gets back," said a random idiot.

"Huh?" asked Trebob. An elephant rolled by and crushed the pizza and made it dirty.

"How many chapters will this story be?" asked Trebob.

"I don't know," said the author, "It'll probably end… well, I don't know."

"Me neither because bacon ate the lightsaber!" said Trebob.

"Boredom," said the author. He scrolled up to the top of the story and named the chapter something that had nothing to do with the chapter and then the chapter ended.