cigarette – 23.4.12

drag on the end of this cigarette that's almost dead.
I blow the smoke from my lips as I grip your hand and you drive faster down this empty strip of road
that goes no-where.
we're like Thelma and Louise all rolled into one, but without the gun.
I look to you and your eyes stare past me as empty as the road ahead of us.
we rob a liquor store to keep us going through the night
that never comes.

I have dreams that we drive on forever chasing dust clouds down this lonely California desert
we're so far from home and I get sick and shaky inside.
I grip the bottle tighter and I press my lips to yours, you taste of alcohol and despair and you drive faster yet until the road becomes an orange blur.

I light another cigarette and I inhale staining the white with my red lipstick, I pass it to you and you take it without a word
you don't even smoke- but you take a drag and another and another until the smoke dances around us, I choke and you smile lightly until I look at you and it vanishes.
I drink more until my head spins and I feel like I'm gonna throw up
I beg you to say something but you don't so I wind the window down and lean out
emptying my stomach of alcohol.
we're going to fast the wind whips my hair and the sand flies everywhere.

I sit back down and rake a hand through my hair, I look at you again and try to think why I love you but the words don't sound real and I stay silent.
I study your face; your eyes are black and tired, you haven't shaved in over a week
and your hair is longer now, much longer that it was when we left on that rainy
thursday afternoon.

you turn and catch my gaze, I curl my fingertips against your arm and beg for your affection, you finally comply
or give in I don't know which but I don't care as you place a hand on my thigh and lean in to put a chaste kiss against my forehead.
you're still scared to do anything more.

You think we should turn around and go back, back to our old lives but you know I don't have one to go back to and you hardly have one either
you know the choice we had to make break the law or run from it but I know you wish you'd stayed behind.

You put an arm around my shoulder and grip it tight. I almost think you wanna snap it out of its socket.
I think maybe you hate me but maybe you don't and that's the problem.
I look a state my make up smudges and flakes off and my hair is hideous mess
the bleach blonde is growing through and the dark of my roots is visible between the strands of pink I put through it to catch your attention.

We drive on and I don't look back because I swore to before we left that I wouldn't if we could just
run.

The road is long and desolate and the air is thick and still, you keep an arm around me and I breathe you in. I sing an old tune that I remember from before
and the world goes on.

"I will love you till the end of time, I would wait a million years"
– lana del rey: blue jeans.

a/n- for you.