Jeff and Ted are lounging in the back seat of Ted's Volkswagen Bug, a blunt of marijuana being smoked by Jeff. Jeff's shirt is unbuttoned, and his legs are slung onto the headrest of the seat in front of him.

JEFF: You, you know what we should do man?
TED: Do I want to hear it?

JEFF: Y-you know wha, what we should do?

TED sighs

JEFF: You, you're, you know man, you're a, a major buzz kill.

TED: So you've told me.

Beat
JEFF: You jus' gotta try this man... It, it makes your car look (beat) pretty, unlike usual…
TED: I'd prefer not to be stoned off my ass. And what did you say about my car?
JEFF: You know what? You can, you can just go and put a stone, up your ass!
TED: Right, I'll get to it.

Beat
JEFF: You know, that, that's not fair of me, you, you're a great guy, a helluva guy...
TED: Save your love confessions for later.
JEFF: No, no way man, this has to come out… We can't keep fooling ourselves… I like love, I love you man.

Beat
TED: On second thought, you'd better pass that over.

Ted and Jeff take turns smoking the joint
TED: God, I , I just love these seats. Have you felt these? They're just so, so (beat), what's the word… Soff? Sofe? (beat) Soft! They're just so, soft.

Strokes the seats of the car, then turns to Jeff, flings an arm over him
TED: Can you, can you guess how much I got it for? Can you?
JEFF: I- I dunno man, how, how much was it? (giggles)
TED: W-why are you stuttering Jeffron, Jeffres? Jeffuf...

(Beat)
TED: W-why are you stuttering man?
JEFF: You, you're doing it too! (laughs, laughter turns to coughs, then laughs again)
TED: I'll bet that, that fucker gave you bad weed
JEFF: Yeah, that, fucker, that, that, good fucker.
TED: Wah? You had sex with him?
JEFF: Wh, what? Nah, man, I ain't that type of guy, you, you know that man, don't 'cha?

Beat
TED: You know what I think? I think, I think the world is stuttering, and we're, we're the only ones talking all normal!
JEFF: Dude, dude, your tripping, give me your keys man. You, you can't drive like, like this!
TED: It's my car, I'll drive it whenever I wanna.

Beat
JEFF: You know, what I said before, 'bout your car you know, I didn't mean it man-
TED: Hey, don't even worry 'bout it, it's gone, wiped from my mind.
JEFF: You know, what I said before, 'bout your car you know, I didn't mean it man-

TED: That's okay man, you know you can always drive, drive it any time you want.
JEFF: Really, 'cuz that's just, that's too-
TED: Nah, maybe you can, ride with me like once a week. Yeah, let's make that a thing. Once, once a week, we go and, and just party.
JEFF: Hey can you like, crack a damn window? I can't see a thing.
TED: The windows only roll down in the front. Flight risk otherwime, otherwipe? Other- other-
JEFF: You're just so, so smart! You, I just can't, how, how do you do it?

Beat

JEFF: Ted? Ted? I think, I think I'm blind. Oh god, oh god no! There's so many things I haven't done, so many men left untouched, help me Ted!
TED: It's, it's just the smoke man.
JEFF: Yeah, yeah, why haven't you rolled down the damn window? Are you deaf or somethin'?

TED: Are you stupid? I jus' told you, they don't roll down man!
JEFF: Don't you talk to me like that; I deserve to be treated just like any other woman. Just because I let you into my bed and between my legs every night, doesn't mean you shouldn't respect me. I even let you keep this stu-stupid car, even after it killed little Franky. This car killed our child Teddy! (Begins bawling) I can't believe that you would put this car before your own flesh and blood. And to think, you have the balls to kill, to kill women, in the very seat we used to strap in his little car seat. I just, I can't take it anymore. I want a divorce. And don't try to sweet talk your way out of it jus' like you do every other damn thing in your (hiccups) in your life.

Beat

TED: What the hell are you talking about?
JEFF: I-I don't know any more man. This stuff, this stuff's too potent for me. I think I'm gonna go, go and lay down.

The two men reposition within the car, and Jeff sprawls out onto Ted, closing his eyes and preparing for sleep.
TED: Do you, do you think that little Franky couldn't have died?
JEFF: (Crying again) No. You forgot to put the car in park and it rolled right over him. You have to, to live with that for the r-rest of your life.
Beat

TED: Do you rea-really want a divorce?
JEFF: (beat) No.
TED: Thank god. 'Cuz for you baby, I woulda given up this, this, car, just for you.
JEFF: (sniffles) Really?
TED: Yeah, really.
JEFF: Oh, I love you so much Ted!
They fall asleep. They wake up the next morning when the sun rises.

JEFF: (yawns) Did I just get laid?
TED: Dear god, I hope not.